Welcome the Rain
by Peace.Love.Me
Summary: Trust is hard thing for Jasper to accept when all he has known is hurt. One night he runs away to find Edward. Will he be able to trust that he can love him without getting hurt or will it just be another broken heart? AH/OOC ExJ SLASH  Lemons later  R
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! This is my first slash story that I have written on Fanfiction. I do have another account on here - idkifurcrzy. Anyway, first I need to put out a few things**

**WARNING: This is a SLASH story between Edward/Jasper and it will involve lemons later on. This story also deals partly with drug use, death(not major character), and alcohol. So if you don't like those things or if you are under the age of eighteen I advise you not to read.**

**Getting that all out, I hope you all enjoy this story. I should be updating once a week or even sooner. Here's chapter one.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine :(**

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I was running away from home and everything included in it. All I knew then was that I had to get away at that moment. It all started with my mom I guess you could say.

She was drunk yet again and entertaining guests. It was my birthday and she didn't even remember. It wasn't the first time that she had broken my heart, but this time hurt the most. I felt the anger burrowing up inside of me as I watched her getting high and drunk.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she slurred over everyone else's shouts. What's wrong? Plenty of things to go around. First, I was a sophomore and almost a complete nobody. You could blame that on being extremely shy. I was lucky enough to get a girl that wanted me, but then she broke my heart when I found out that she was cheating on me. That was already enough broken hearts for one person, but of course there were more. I didn't have that many friends at school because I tended to keep to myself. I didn't have one person that I was close too.

On top of being socially awkward and having basically no life, my life at home was screwed too. My dad had passed away the year before and I was living with my mom and her boyfriend, Peter, and my brother. But, it seemed like we never had our house for ourselves because there was always someone there.

Life was hard with my mom. She had had a full time job in retail but that was barely enough to get us by with her bad habits. Drugs and booze came before rent, and sometimes we were so broke we would have to scrounge for pennies.

It really hurt to see what my mom did to herself. On top of that every time she used those things I always feared that she would end up just like my dad. Then the next day when everything turned out fine she would apologize and my fear would turn to madness. How could she do this to me, to us?

_"Jasper, I'm sorry. It won't happen again,"_ she would promise me. It was a promise that was often broken.

But, I wasn't running away because of all that. It was my sixteenth birthday and she had no clue. The only one who even remembered was my older brother Demetri, and even he didn't spend time with me. He was too busy with his girlfriend Jane to stay around the house. The truth was, I had never in my life felt so alone than I did that day.

What's wrong with me she asked? A lot of things, but right now it's you. That's what I wished I could tell her.

"Do you know what day it is?" I asked her hoping that she would remember then. All I got was a confused look from her.

"Hell yeah, it's fucking Friday!" Peter bellowed and his friends cheered around him.

"Why honey?" She smiled drunkenly. Anger boiled within me, and I found that I couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Why do you have to ruin everything?" I yelled. I saw her eyes widen but she didn't say anything. The laughing and shouting continued around us, and it made me even angrier. I couldn't stand it here anymore. Not even for another minute. I grabbed a hoodie and ran out the door and away from my home.

Now where to go. I didn't know anybody who lived close by. I couldn't exactly go to Alice's house after she cheated on me. So, there was really only one place that I had in mind. The park.

The park was my sanctuary. It was one of the places that held most of my childhood memories. I had kissed many girls here, but they were only faint memories. This was my place to escape. I came here to think, to yell and even worse- to cry. As much as I hate to admit it, I cried more than I wanted to. To me it was a sign of weakness.

But not today, I didn't want to feel week anymore. I climbed up to the top of the playground. I was cold, but I didn't care; anyplace was better than home. My hands were shaking and I didn't know if it was from the cold, anger, or might fight to hold back tears.

Suddenly I found myself hitting the side of the playground over and over again until my hand was throbbing. Fuck, that hurt. I knew my hand was swollen, but at least it distracted me from the throbbing in my heart.

There was another thing I realized after I had calmed down. It was cold and it was raining. I felt myself shiver. I could make it through this, I chanted to myself. It was only a matter of time before I wondered how long it would be before I gave in. Then he appeared.

He was climbing up the stairs and stopped when he saw me. He was wearing a hoodie like me, but what I noticed inside his eyes were his brilliant green eyes. I recognized him from one of my classes at school. I couldn't remember his name though.

"What's the matter?" he asked me quietly. What showed him that I was upset? I noticed that there were a few tears on my cheeks and I brushed them off quickly.

I shrugged not knowing what to say. God, I hated being so shy. It was the worst fucking curse a guy could have.

"It's Jasper, ain't it?" he asked. I nodded. "I'm Edward," he said trying to fill the silence. We had never talked before so I wondered how he knew my name. Hardly anyone knew my name in school. Why was he here and talking to me now? I asked myself.

"What are you doing here?" I built up my courage to ask him. Give a guy like me some credit.

"Walking home, but I saw you here," he said. His green eyes were trained right on me.

"Oh," I whispered. I shivered with the next round of wind that hit us. How can it be so fucking cold out here?

"How long have you been out here?" he asked with concern. Why did he care? No one else cared about me.

"A while," I stuttered, my teeth chattering. I wrapped my arms around myself, and my hand slipped out of my jacket. I noticed that it was twice its normal size and an angry red. I watched as Edward moved his hand to touch mine gently. Sparks went through me, but I blamed on the fact that my hand was hurt.

"What happened?"

"I hit something," I muttered blushing like a complete fool. He just nodded like he saw those types of things everyday.

"What time is it?" I asked trying to make my voice even despite the cold. I had forgotten my cell phone at home and I really didn't feel like going back there to get it. I watched as Edward took out his phone and checked it.

"Almost midnight. Shit, I gotta go. My parents didn't want me out too late," he sounded disappointed that he would leave. I told myself that I imagined that. He had a warm house and parents to go to. But I found myself not wanting him to leave. I wanted someone to be here with me.

"Oh," I mumbled and looked down. Edward got down from the playground and I listened to his footsteps as he walked away. I sighed, but then that one sighed turned into endless tears. In minutes I found myself sobbing loudly and crying. It was something a sixteen-year-old boy wasn't very proud of.

I was in the middle of my breakdown when Edward appeared at the top of the stairs again. I was too shocked to even attempt to wipe the tears from my face. I met his eyes and I found that there was only sadness there.

"Listen, I know we don't know each other very well, but I can't just leave you out here in the cold," he told me. A little piece of my heart warmed at his words.

"I can't go back home," I choked out part in fear, part in pain.

"Well, then you're coming with me," he said and looked at me without a question in his eyes. He tugged my arm and I followed him off of the playground. We had just gotten to the road when he stood in front of me. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. I mean I'm not gonna force you to come. I just it's cold and…." he looked down. This whole entire time he hadn't once been shy and now he was.

"It's okay. I'll go," I said and waited for him to look at me. His green eyes brightened and I felt better. Besides, I had nowhere else to be. I felt myself opening up to Edward despite being so shy.

"So what were you doing there anyway?" he asked. I know that he was only curious but it still hurt to think about what I was running from.

"I ran away," I said looking anywhere but at those bright green eyes. He didn't ask anymore questions and I was grateful. We walked in silence but I still noticed him giving me glances out of the side of my eye. I tried to keep my mouth shut from chattering from the cold.

"We're here," he said leading me up to one of the nicest houses in Seattle. It was huge compared to my house, and a hell of a lot more expensive. Suddenly I felt embarrassed being there. Maybe I should just stay outside rather than face the humiliation.

"It's okay," he said seeing my hesitation. We walked in and if I thought the outside was spectacular, the inside was just plain unbelievable. They had some of the nicest furniture I had ever seen, and even from the front door, you could see the winding staircase that led to the other floor. But, above all that, what I noticed the most was that it was _warm_. I shuddered in happiness.

"Mom, Dad, I'm home!" Edward called.

"Okay, honey," his mom said coming closer, "Who's your friend?" she asked coming out. She was so pretty even in her nightclothes and no makeup.

"This is Jasper. Can he spend the night?" Edward asked.

"Sure, sweetie," she said kissing him on the cheek. I felt like my heart was going to explode from want. My mom never did that to me. "And it's nice to meet you, Jasper," I nodded speechless. Jasper pulled me up the stairs quickly.

Of course I should have expected his bedroom to be nice, but I was still shocked.

"Did you want some clothes to change into?" he asked. I nodded blushing. He handed me a pair of boxers and a T-shirt. I changed in the bathroom and while I was in there I glanced at myself in the mirror. My golden curls were in a mess and still partly wet because of the rain. Rings of red surrounded my blue eyes. My body was in shape but my muscles weren't very defined yet. Girls had fawned over me, but I pushed everyone away. Too afraid of getting hurt again. I sighed and walked out. I saw that Edward had changed into pajama pants and a snugly fitting black shirt. He turned and looked at me once I came out.

I could have sworn that I saw his eyes darken once he took me in, but it could have been anything. He took my wet clothes from my arms and left me in the room.

It was nice to have a moment alone to breathe and take in my surroundings. His room was over all dark blue. There were band posters covering the walls, most of which I liked. He had one dresser and a desk with a computer. Shelves were stocked with music and books that had no names. And there was a king-sized bed in the middle of the room. I found myself getting tired.

I sat down on his unmade bed and I felt myself relax. It was so warm here. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice when Edward stepped back into the room.

"You warm enough?" he smiled at me.

"Yes," I said clearly. "Thank you, Edward. It means a lot to me," I said nervously and began blushing like hell.

"Your welcome," he said his green eyes hesitant as they watched me. I moved to get up and I put pressure on the hand that was hurt. I yelped in pain.

"Fuck," I muttered.

"You're hand. I completely fucking forgot," and he ran out of the room before I could say anything. He's helping way too fucking much.

He came back in with a bag of ice and a towel. He didn't even glance into my eyes as he wraps my hand. I tried to hold back a hiss of pain as he covered the top of it with the towel.

"Sorry," he said and his green eyes are glassy. Almost like he was gonna cry. I nod and he looked away. There aren't enough words to thank him for what he has done for me. I sigh in relief as the coldness begins to numb the swelling.

"Do you have any extra blankets?" I asked sheepishly.

"Why? I'm not letting you sleep on the floor, Jasper. Your hand is fucked up and you've been out in the cold for God knows how long."

"But it's your bed. Where are you gonna sleep?"

"Well, it's a king so there would be room for the both of us…" he suggested eyes down.

"We can share," I murmured and he got into the side of the bed. When I didn't follow he frowned at me and I found myself slipping in on the opposite side. He had turned around so that he wasn't facing me.

"Edward, can I tell you something?" I asked quietly. He was facing me then and I was met with the warmth of his eyes. God, how I was beginning to love those fucking green eyes.

"Anything," he whispered. I closed my eyes and gathered my thoughts for a moment.

"I ran away because of my mom forgot that today was my sixteenth birthday and instead got high and drunk," I choked out. I felt tears coming and I didn't want to fall apart in front of Edward for another time. I lay on my back with my eyes focused on the ceiling.

"Jasper, look at me. Please, it's okay," he pleaded softly. I looked at him again. I had never seen him look this sad before. " I'm sorry, so sorry that this happened to you."

"It's not like it hasn't happened before," I muttered.

"What?" he looked angry.

"Forgotten my birthday, no. Getting high and drunk is something that I see her do every night," I said. He had no clue how scared I was to tell anyone this. Demetri and I had been taken away from our mom about eight years ago and put in a foster home for almost half a year. It was horrible and something I never wanted to witness again. I would stay with my mom because I was the one who had to make sure she was okay. I just didn't tell anyone because I needed to be there with her and I was scared to be taken away again.

"What about your dad? Can't you live with him?" he asked. I knew it was only a question but I was suddenly longing for my dad. He had the same habits as my mom, but he was more controlled. It was only once in while thing, not every day. He didn't hurt me repeatedly like my mom did. It was like a hole in my life with him not in it.

"My dad passed away last year."

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Can you stop saying that! I don't want to be a fucking charity case to you! I just want someone to be there for me without feeling sorry for me or acting like I'm helpless." I said angrily. I had heard people tell me how sorry there were too many fucking times for me to stand.

"I don't think you are a charity case at all. You are so strong Jasper and everyone needs to let go sometime. I'm not sorry for you; I'm sorry about what you've been through."

"I didn't mean to snap at you," I murmured.

"It's okay." he was quiet for a moment and I thought he had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes to find that he was staring at me.

"I know it might not make a difference but happy birthday Jasper," he whispered quietly. I burst out laughing and I didn't know why. It was just so ironic that after saying all of those things that he would tell me something like that. I saw his green eyes widen in shock.

"What?" he asked a hesitant smile on his face. I stopped laughing and I was suddenly serious.

" You might not believe this but I am not sorry one bit about what happened tonight because if none of this happened I wouldn't be here with you." I was too afraid to look in those intense green eyes because I was sure that I was going to start crying like a fucking baby again. Suddenly I felt his arms around me. It felt so good to be held. When was the last time I had a hug? I didn't remember. I just felt so cared for in his arms. He held me longer than necessary but it felt right.

He pulled away slowly and looked my in the eye.

"In the morning I am gonna give you my number and I want you to call whenever you need anything. To talk, to stay here, anything."

I nodded too choked up to speak.

"Promise?"

"Yes, I sighed. He smiled sadly and then turned the other way and made himself comfortable. It was quiet for a while in his darkened bedroom.

"You have me now," he whispered so softly I thought that I had imagined it. For once I didn't cry at his caring words. It hurt to get my hopes up, but I thought that maybe Edward would prove me wrong.

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**So did you like it? Worth continuing? Let me know :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**First off thanks for all of the reviews last chapter and for adding my fic on your story alerts and favs. This story is really close to my heart so it means a lot to me that you take the time to read it. Another thing...I usually wouldn't update this quickly but I want all of you to get a feel for the story, and I am concentrating on this one rather than the other two I have been neglecting. Also thank you to dancingwithEdward for beta-ing this and helping me along the way. I hope you all like this :D**

**Disclaimer: Still the same...not mine. **

**WARNING: this chapter does involve abuse so please read with caution.**

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I woke up with a start. Where was I? What happened last night? Then I looked up and met those unnerving green eyes. Edward. He was staring at me and I noticed that we had moved closer together toward the middle of the bed. There was only a little bit of space between us that sent waves of electricity through me.

I jumped out of the bed in an instant. His green eyes were wide with shock.

"Good morning," he said recovering, "Did you sleep okay?" he asked as he got up. I noticed that his bronze hair was all over the place but it looked good on him. Then he stretched and I could see a glimpse of his stomach muscles under his black shirt. It was fucking sexy and my dick thought so too.

Fuck, I was doing it again. And now I was getting hard. What the hell Jasper? Get a fucking grip. I nodded to him finally remembering that he asked me a question. I took my clothes and ran into the bathroom and before I could embarrass myself anymore. I put my clothes on trying to calm down, not to mention to make my semi hard on go away. I splashed water on my face and tried to do something with my hair. Stupid fucking curls never wanted to work right.

I walked out of the bedroom and my hard on was back and not only partly back either. Fuck me, but Edward was bent over looking for some clothes in his dresser. I couldn't stop myself from looking at his ass. He turned and gave me a brief smirk. I turned away quickly to give him some privacy. Could I be any more fucking stupid? Luckily not looking at him helped my erection settle down.

When he was done he came over to me and took the clothes that I had forgotten I was holding. His hands brushed mine and I felt another shock through me. What the fuck? I tried not to think about it. I shook the thought out of my mind.

I helped Edward make his bed. It seemed so normal despite all of the things that had happened. I couldn't help the laugh that came out.

"It's good to see you smile," he said, as we were finishing up. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Edward, you're the only one I ever told those things to," I said softly. He walked around the side of the bed until he was so close to me that I could feel the heat coming off of him.

"I'm glad that you told me. And you're not just some hopeless case to me, Jasper."

"I know," I tried to give him a reassuring smile. I looked up to meet his green eyes. For once I didn't look away. He looked away first and then I felt him grabbing my hand.

" I meant what I said last night. Call. Even if it's just to talk. Anytime, okay?" I couldn't speak as he wrote his number down on my hand. Didn't he have any paper? I thought. I was almost tempted to laugh again.

I took the pen from him and in turn wrote my number on his hand. My hand was shaking so badly that I didn't even know if he would be able to read the numbers. I found his smile when I glanced up. How could he look so good? Wait. Did I just think that a guy looked good? Maybe I was sick.

"Do you want a ride home?" he asked.

"You have a car?" I asked. Why wasn't he driving last night instead of walking in the rain? I was too scared to answer so that question was left unanswered.

"Yep. I'm seventeen. Got it last year," he smiled. Seventeen? Great, hopefully he didn't think I was just some fucking kid to him.

"Sure." I told him and he led me to the garage. He had a yellow car, one that I couldn't even guess the name of. It was gorgeous, just like his house was. Just like him. Fuck, not again. What the fuck was I thinking?

"You like it?" he asked as he began driving down the road. I nodded but my thoughts were elsewhere. He got a car when he was sixteen. What did I get? Not a damn thing. I knew I was jealous but I couldn't help it. Everything about Edward was perfect and that just made me seem like I was even more screwed up. "Where's your house?" He asked and I told him the directions. It was actually right down the road from where he lived.

He was stopping in front of my house in no time and I felt nervous about what he thought about it. My house looked fucking miserable compared to his. But when I peeked at him he was only staring at me. I was getting out of the car and was about to close the door when he said something.

"Are you gonna be at school?" he asked.

"Duh, where else would I be?" I asked laughing.

"I don't know," he said blushing. Why couldn't I look that adorable when I blushed? Uhhh, fuck why am I thinking these things? I couldn't help laughing at the expression on his pink face.

"You look nice when you laugh," he said and then he must've realized what he said because he blushed an even brighter red. I closed the door and walked away from the car.

He waited until I was inside before leaving. Could it be that he was thinking these crazy things like I was? I sighed to myself. It was nothing, but if it was why was I missing him already?

The scene I walked in on was one that I had seen many times before. Beer cans everywhere, ashes on the floor, and dishes on every surface. This is what my house frequently looked like and I was the one who cleaned it up every time. No one asked me to do it and I doubted that they even cared. I just couldn't stand to see our house so trashed. Cleaning up the house made me feel like I could wipe away the things that went on here. I sighed and got to work.

I threw away all of the beer cans, and did the dishes. Sweeping had to be done too. I tried to do this as quietly as I could. I didn't want to wake my mom or Peter who were passed out in their bedroom. Demetri was upstairs in his bedroom sleeping off what was probably a long night for him.

I was just finishing up when my mom came into the kitchen to get some aspirin and some coffee. I turned away from her. The hurt was swelling up inside of me and I didn't want her to see upset I was over it.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," she said and I looked into her bloodshot eyes. I didn't feel event he slightest bit sorry for her because of what she did to me.

"No, mom, you're not sorry. You do this _all_ the time. And this time you missed my birthday. Sorry can't fix that," I walked out of the kitchen but she was right behind me.

"I know Jasper. I'm gonna do everything to make it up to you," she promised. I wasn't gonna fall her fucking lies again.

"Don't worry about it okay? It doesn't matter anyway. Not anymore," I muttered. I stalked to my bedroom no longer wanting to see her anymore. I closed the door before she could come in and locked it. I rested against the door my eyes burning with hurt and tears. I knew that she was on the other side.

"It does matter because you are my son," she walked away a few minutes later. Sure, and would a real mom not notice that her son didn't spend the night at home? No, but you could care less. I sighed and sat down on my bed and cranked up my music. It was better than listening to them pounding on my door wanted to talk. I got out my sketchbook which was my favorite thing to do. I wasn't the normal teenage boy who only thought about video games. Fuck, I don't even think we could afford a gameboy. It didn't matter to me though; I loved drawing. It was something that no one could take away from me.

I was just drawing aimlessly as I listened to the music pounding in my room. I had stopped drawing for a moment and I realized that I was staring at Edward's number on my hand. I had already put them in my phone but the ink was still visible on my hand.

Looking at the numbers got me thinking about him. I still couldn't believe that I had told him all of that shit about my life. It felt good to finally tell someone about it. I had always gone around keeping everything bottled up. I never thought about telling anyone because I never got that close to anybody. But, strangely, I felt closer to Edward than I had to anybody.

But then I had my doubts about everything too. Would he talk to me at school? Would he just pretend like nothing happened? Then there was the fact that my mind was going fucking crazy. Gorgeous…good looking? How the fuck could those thoughts come from me? I was straight. I dated occasionally when I got over my shyness. And I had fucked plenty of times. But, of course, you knew when you had competition from the same sex. Everyone sees it they just don't want to admit it. I tried to put thoughts about Edward in the back of my mind and concentrate on something else. I looked down to continue my sketch that is until I realized what I drew. A green eye.

It was around six when I was lured from my bedroom for food. Peter and my mom, and even Demetri were taking me out to eat. Going out was something we rarely did. Did we even have enough money to go out? I didn't ask though, I knew that they were trying to make an effort. It might ease the some of the pain, but I would never forget what she did to me.

I was also surprised that they weren't totally trashed already. It had been a long time since I had even seen them this sober. That was sad considering that they were more than buzzed. Demetri didn't say anything on the way there. He was too busy texting Jane on his phone.

We didn't go anywhere fancy, but I didn't expect that. Conversation was forced among us. The food was of your regular cheap restaurant quality but I ate it anyway. We were done eating and I thought that we were going to leave when my mom pulled out a couple of gift bags. Presents? And did she get these before or just today when she realized her mistake?

My mind was full of doubts as I opened the first gift. It was a lighter with my dad's name engraved in it. My dad's, I kept repeating to myself. I was holding a piece of him in my hands.

"It was your father's," she told me. "I asked for it when your grandmother was going through your dad's stuff. He wanted to give it to you when you turned sixteen," she smiled sadly at me. I felt some of my anger go away.

"Thanks," I mumbled looking up. Peter and my mom where smiling and Demetri was looking out the window with a scowl on his face. What the fuck was with him?

"Now, we're not saying to go start smoking or anything," Peter said laughing and I couldn't help smiling a little bit. I turned to the next present. I found a couple of CDs that I had been wanting. Everyone smiled at me except for Demetri. I knew that they were only trying the best that they could; besides how could I say no to a couple of fucking CDs?

I was nervous as I came to the last present. This was the one that had to be from Demetri. I gasped in shock when I pulled up one of his favorite leather cuffs. It was black and had a white skull on it. I looked up at him and I was glad to see that he was no longer looking out the window.

"I can't take this. It's yours," I said softly.

"Yes, you can. I want to give it to you. You're almost a man, bro. Now you have something manly," he smirked. He always thought that I wasn't normal. I punched him on his shoulder and he laughed. This was how my birthday was supposed to have gone. But still, what could I ask for?

The rest of the night passed in a much better mood. Demetri didn't say anything else to me. Fuck, he seemed even more distant. When we got home, I knew what was going to happen. My mom and Peter were gonna get high. Of course things would never be perfect. It was only expected of them actually. But, I couldn't help the sadness that crept inside of me. I just wanted them to do something that didn't involve getting high or drunk. I wanted them to be normal.

I was in my room thinking about all of these things when Demetri came in. He came and sat on the end of my bed cross- legged. I was immediately worried. Demetri never looked as hopeless as he did then. Something must be up.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked looking up at me with his troubled eyes.

"Sure," I said.

"Jane's fucking pregnant, Jazz. I don't know what to do," he said looking down and running his hands through his hair frantically.

"Yours?" I asked. This could not be happening. Like we didn't have enough shit on our plate already.

"What the fuck do you think?" he snapped. Then a minute later he said, "Sorry, I'm just so frustrated. I mean- how the fuck can she be pregnant?"

"How far along is she?" I asked.

"About six weeks. And I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I don't wanna have her fucking abort the baby. But fuck, me, a father? And her parents don't know. They'll throw her out. Fuck, I would ask her to live here but we're fucking worse off than anyone." I had never seen him look so broken before. It didn't suit him one bit. I had always looked up to my brother even though he did make dumb mistakes. He was a senior going to the same high school as me. He was eighteen and he was getting ready to get out of this hellhole. We were close, but we didn't tell each other everything.

"Do you want the baby?" I asked softly.

"Fuck yes. It's a part of me. But, Jazz, I'm so fucking scared about this," he looked up at me and he seemed a hell of a lot younger than he was. He crawled up to the top of the bed and lay next to me.

"It'll be okay," I said even though I knew it probably wouldn't be. He just nodded. We were both lying there when we heard the yelling.

It was something that my mom and Peter frequently did. It was always about the fact that we didn't have enough money for anything. They would blame each other and yell and scream. It was horrible to listen to. I felt tears come to my eyes and I tried to look away before Demetri saw. It was so embarrassing to fall apart in front of him.

"Don't cry, Jazz," he murmured next to me.

"I'm not fucking crying," I growled and pulled the covers over me and glared at the wall. I was waiting for him to leave. But, he didn't he stripped off his jeans and climbed in the covers. This was something he hadn't done for years. We would always sleep together when things were bad. But, I didn't expect this.

He scooted over so he was close to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. He didn't say anything about it; we just lay there absorbed in our own minds and listened to the yelling through the walls.

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The rest of the weekend was uneventful and dragged on and on. Demetri was gone most of the time with Jane. I was too worried about him to be upset. But, it was while he was gone that my mom was hosting another party. Part of me wanted to pick up the phone and call Edward, but I didn't want him to think I was completely hopeless. So, I stayed up half the night and listened to the music throbbing through the walls and endured the unmistakable smell of drugs on my way to the bathroom. I hated my life then; I hated how we couldn't just sit down and watch a movie. I hated how everything revolved around drugs, money, booze, partying, and fighting. I didn't give in to calling Edward. I endured it just like I had for as long as I could remember. I couldn't wait until school.

School was like a salvation for me. Even though I didn't have many friends I still felt like I was more at home there, than, well home. I was able to pretend that I was a normal kid just like they were. Nobody knew what I went through, and I was treated just like everyone else. It was also a place where I could show my talents. I was smart and I knew that it would probably the only way I would ever get to college.

But, I knew that this time I wasn't excited to get to school for all of that. I kept telling myself it wasn't because of Edward, but I knew it was a lie. Especially when I wished for my morning classes to pass quickly so that way I could go to the class that we shared. But before then I had to go to lunch.

Not to sound so cliché or anything, but the cafeteria was hell for me. I didn't have lunch with anyone I knew so I always ended up sitting alone. It was like I was a true nobody and even I had to admit that it was kind of humiliating. That is until that very day.

I was sitting at my normal table when I noticed him walking from the lunch lines with a bunch of his friends. He looked so happy and carefree laughing and joking with them. I felt a stab of jealousy strike through me. I was still staring at him when he happened to look my way. The smile was still on his face but those green eyes seemed so far away as they stared into mine. I watched as his friends elbowed him as they tried to get his attention. He briefly shot them a look of annoyance before looking back at me. His friends followed his gaze to me and I looked down quickly. How fucking embarrassing it was to be caught staring at him like that.

Get a fucking grip, Jasper. Just because he helped you two nights ago doesn't mean he's going to do anything more. I sighed, and tried to concentrate on the pointless Spanish homework that I was doing. Then I noticed that someone was sitting across from me but I ignored him or her until they started clearing their throat.

"What the fuck is your…" the words died in my throat as I realized that it was Edward sitting across the table with a smirk on his face.

"What were you saying?" his smirk grew wider.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was you," I blushed like the dumbass I was. Here he was trying to be nice to me and I almost cussed him out for sitting down.

"I see," he laughed and it lit up his entire face. "So, I didn't mean to interrupt your concentration on your…homework, but I was wondering if you wanted to sit with me?" he asked and I saw him biting his lip. It was a weird thing to see on him because he was always so confident in himself.

"You want me to sit with you?" I asked dumbly.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked his green eyes fixed on mine. He asked this question like it was simple.

"Okay," I said and began gathering my things. I could feel his gaze on me and I found that it made it even harder to concentrate on what I was doing.

I followed him silently lost in my own thoughts. What would his friends think? Did he actually want me to sit with him or was it just him feeling sorry for me? He pulled me to the table and sat so close to me that our legs were touching.

His friends were still laughing and jostling each other across the table.

"Guys, this is Jasper," Edward said loudly to get their attention. "Jasper, this is Emmett, Mike, and Tyler," he said pointing to each one as he spoke their names.

"Jasper, huh? Cool name," Tyler said and I tried to smile back at him.

"Loosen up, man. We won't bite," Emmett smirked across the table.

"Not unless you're Rosalie," Mike burst out laughing. I even saw Edward crack a smile next to me. "So are you a junior too?""Sophomore," I said. I watched them exchange looks.

"That's cool man," Emmett said. Thank fuck, they finally said something. I didn't want to be the little groupie to them. "Hey we're gonna go get more food, want any?" Edward and I both shook our heads. The three of them left leaving Edward and me to ourselves.

"So did anything else happen with your mom?" he asked. I immediately thought of the night when I so badly wanted to call him.

"No," I answered quickly and I prayed that he wouldn't see through my lie. Yeah right, especially when I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"Why the fuck didn't you call me, Jasper? I told you if you needed anything," I looked up into those furious green eyes.

"Why do you even care?" It was a true question though. I barely knew the guy and here he was worried if I was okay or not.

"Because I am trying to be your friend…." His eyes left mine to study the top of the table. I felt bad for questioning his intentions now.

"I never asked you to be my friend," I thought. Then I saw Edward get up and swing his book bag over his shoulder. Fuck, I said that out loud. Why did I have to be so fucking stupid? Here he was trying to be my friend and I do something like that? Emmett, Tyler, and Mike came back to sit at the table.

"Where's Edward?" Emmett asked.

"He left," I said softly too afraid to look any one of them in the eye because I thought that if I did they might be able to guess that he left because of me.

The three of them tried to get me to talk but I only gave the minimal answers that they needed. I was too absorbed in my self-hate for my stupid decisions.

I would see him in my last period though. I could apologize then and hopefully fix this fucking mess I put myself in. Fuck, I wanted to be friends with him too and I might've just lost my chance. How was I supposed to tell him that I had a hard time getting close to anyone after people I've trusted hurt me time and time again? Not an easy subject for me.

Last period came sooner than expected. What was I gonna say to him? I guess I would figure it out when he got there. I sat in my desk my hands twitching impatiently. My eyes darted to the door every few seconds waiting for him to walk through the door. The bell rang. Okay, so he's late; I'll catch him after class. It took me twenty minutes to realize he wasn't coming.

* * *

That night was hell for me. I didn't have anyone to talk to. Demetri was away with Jane somewhere dealing with his own problems. My mom was busy burning dinner as she tried to talk to her friend as she cooked. Peter was outside in the garage blasting music and getting drunk with his friends. So I was left all alone to myself and I had no clue what to do. So I sat there and thought about calling Edward. I doubted that he would talk to me though especially after what I did. I barely ate that night and sleep was something far off to me. Longing for Edward I finally fell into a restless sleep.

If you thought that school went any better for me, you guessed wrong. School was worse. It seemed like Edward was avoiding me at all costs. I didn't see him at lunch and I was back at my lonely table. In our last period he wouldn't even glance at me. It was like I wasn't even there. I really fucked things up. And after that I had never felt more alone. And to end that perfect joy of a day I went home to even worse.

I walked in the door and my mom was drunk already and smoking some pot. It stank and I tried to get to my room. I ran into Demetri in the hallway but he just pretended like I wasn't even there. I couldn't eat that night either. It was only when I was trying to fall asleep that things turned for the worst.

It was about one in the morning and I was rolling around trying to sleep. Peter and my mom were fighting again and Demetri was upstairs dead to the world. I thought it was just one of their normal fights, but it wasn't. There was a loud crash in the living room and I sprang out of my bed to see what had happened. Peter was throwing things around and it was scaring the shit out of my mom. He continues to scream like I wasn't even there.

I saw my mom reach for the phone and Peter stomped toward her in all of his fury. "Stop it!" I yelled but he kept going. He yanked the phone out of my mom's hands roughly and I saw him move his hands toward her. I ran and got in front of my mom.

"Don't you fucking touch her!" I screamed at him. That made him even madder. He grabbed my wrists and yanked me to the floor. Pain shot up my side as I landed. Then he turned to my mom.

"You fucking bitch," he snarled. I got back up. I saw my mom moving away from him.

"Get out of my house Peter," my mom yelled. Peter didn't listen so she yelled again.

"Shut the fuck up," he yelled as he stormed toward her. I jumped up and grabbed him. He hit me in the mouth and I could taste blood. Then he grabbed my wrist and tightened his hold on me. Sparks of pain were traveling up my arm. "Don't fucking mess with me boy," then he threw me to the ground. My mom was crying and screaming for him to stop. It seemed like the pain was spreading through me. Peter was still glaring at me and I braced myself for another hit.

Then Demetri showed in the doorway with wide eyes. Then he saw Peter and the broken phone. Chairs were toppled and everything looked like a complete fucking disaster.

"Get the fuck out now or the cops will be here any minute," Demetri's eyes never left Peter's and I didn't doubt his threat. Peter didn't want to go back to jail either. He left without another word. Demetri came over to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I didn't feel his sympathy or concern. I was mad.

"Where the fuck were you? Where were you when he was throwing me and mom around huh? Don't fucking ask me if I'm okay," I yelled struggling to get up. Blood was still flowing from my lip. I went in my room and slammed the door. I concentrated on breathing.

It wasn't long before my mom was calling Peter telling him she was sorry and to come back. Sorry for what? What the fuck did she do to get yelled at like that? I walked out of my room despite the agony I was in.

"Why the fuck are you staying with him. He's a loser, mom. You're gonna let him back after what he did to you? To me?" I yelled. Demetri just stared at me in shock. Guess I wasn't his fucking quite brother anymore.

"I love him sweetie," she slurred. That was the last straw for me. Love wasn't abuse. It wasn't getting drunk and high and getting parties. What she had wasn't love at all. I found my cell phone and it hurt to bend to pick it up. I dialed Edward's number but he didn't pick up. Fuck. I knew I wouldn't be able to put on a sweatshirt with the pain I was in.

I walked back out of my room to see my mom dialing Peter's number again. I was almost out the front door when Demetri shouted my name. Too late now.

I got on my bike even though my body was killing me. I had to push myself to make it to Edward's house. I jumped off my bike in front of the magnificent white house. I knocked on the door, my entire body aching.

When he opened the door I'm not sure what he saw, but his mouth was open in shock. He was in his boxers and nothing else.

"Edward, please I know you're mad at me and I'm sorry. I just need somewhere to stay I can't go back home," I sobbed. I couldn't believe that I hadn't cried after all of that time. "Please. I need you," I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

**An update! I know that this chapter is late which is why it is a bit longer than the other ones... I am so thrilled with all of the reviews, alerts, and readers I have gotten! :D You guys make my day. I really hope you all are enjoying this so here it is :D**

**And thanks to my awesome beta who continues to help me along the way**

**Disclaimer: not mine **

* * *

I waited for him to say something while I felt like a complete fucking idiot. I watched his green eyes as they traveled along my body looking at the mess I was. He hadn't said anything for over a minute and there I was standing there, crying and broken.

"Jasper, what happened?" he looked shocked as he pulled me in the door. I was still crying like a fool, but at that point I didn't care because Edward let me in. He locked the door behind me and turned to face me again. "Jasper, are you okay? Who did this?" he was worried. He pulled me into the kitchen and I followed. I was ashamed to notice that the tears were still leaking from my eyes. He flipped on lights as he went. He pulled out a bunch of medical things from a cupboard set them next to me.

"Edward…I" I tried to get out but he wouldn't let me.

"Don't say anything right now. You're hurt and I'm gonna take care of everything okay," his green eyes were determined and I didn't say anything else. I liked that he wanted to take care of me.

He slowly moved his hand so it was closer to my face. He was no longer looking into my eyes anymore he was studying my face. His thumb gently prodded at my lip and I could feel how tender it was. The throbbing was more numbed than it was before. But, I couldn't pay attention to any of that. Edward was touching me and it made my whole body come alive. I shivered and that captured his attention.

"Fuck, you're wet. Sorry, I'm such a dumbass," I had forgotten that my clothes were wet. Fuck, I hadn't even noticed the rain as I pedaled to his house. He tried to raise my arms to take my shirt off but I let out a yelp of pain. "Sorry," he whispered. He raised my shirt a little so he could peek underneath. I don't know what he found but apparently it wasn't good. His fingers ghosted over my ribs and I felt him gasp.

He started yanking open drawers furiously. When he came back to my side I could see a hint of tears in his eyes. "I need to cut your shirt open, okay? I need to see if any of your ribs are broken." He said through clenched teeth. I nodded and he cut open my shirt. I glanced down to see purplish bruises spotted on my ribs. No wonder why he was so upset, I looked completely awful. After he got the sleeves of my shirt down my arms he knelt on the floor so he could see my ribs completely. I held my arm out so he could look better.

His hands were gentle and instead of pain I felt sparks through me. I prayed that his touches wouldn't make me get hard. Fuck, the last thing I needed was for that to happen. Then his fingers pressed a little harder and I bit my lip to hold in the moan of pain that was threatening to be released. Tears pricked my eyes once again.

Edward jumped up immediately to calm me down. His hands were brushing my hair back and smoothing over my shoulders. "I'm so sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. God, Jasper, please tell me what happened," he pleaded with me. He kept running his hands through his hair.

I shook my head and he looked even sadder. He continued to gently prod at my ribs and he apologized every time I made a sound of pain. It made me feel even that much guiltier. He checked my wrist which had a purple ring around it. Then he bandaged me up and washed the blood off my face. I cried quietly throughout the entire time. Edward was so good to me and I had treated him like shit merely days ago.

"Thank you, you don't even know how much I needed your help," I whispered. He looked up at me. I realized that I was just staring at him as he stood there. Fuck, I was too busy crying that I didn't even notice that he was only in his boxers and it was now three in the morning. "I'm sorry for just bursting in on you like this," I mumbled. "I should go." I stared at the ground as I slowly made my way to the front door. I was turning the knob when I heard him behind me.

"Jasper, please don't go. I mean, you're hurt and…..I don't want you to leave," he said blushing as he watched me. I really didn't want to go back home either. Who the fuck knew what was waiting for me back there?

"I can stay?" I choked out. He really didn't need to do this, especially after all of the trouble that I had put him through.

"Of course," he said his green eyes searching mine. I was so relieved that the tears started again. I was turning into a fucking sissy with all of this crying. I tried to wipe away the tears before Edward could see but I knew that he saw everything. He was biting his lip and running his hands through his hair again. It didn't look right on him to see him so nervous. "Here, let's go upstairs and I will get you some clothes."

I followed him to his room and he found a pair of pajama bottoms for me. I went into the bathroom to change. I flipped on the light and I was shocked to find out how bad I looked. My eye was swollen and so was my lip. My eyes were bright red and my blonde hair was in tangles. What a fucking damsel in distress.

I tried to pull my pants off, but it hurt too much to move my chest and ribs. Fuck, what was I supposed to do now? I hesitantly opened the door and saw Edward pacing his bedroom.

"Edward, can you help me?" I asked. He turned to me in shock and was quickly by my side.

"What's wrong?" he asked concern shown on his face.

"I can't take off my jeans without pulling my ribs," my face was bright red.

"Oh," he said falling to his knees in front of me. Fuck me, a thousand scenarios went off in my head and they all involved him touching my cock. Fuck, please don't get hard. He started sliding my jeans down my legs and it felt like the slightest touches of his fingers were sending sparks to my cock. Luckily I was able to keep myself from getting a full on hard-on in front of him. He gently pulled on the pajama bottoms and stood up. He was biting his lip again and looking at his feet.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Did I do something?

"Nothing…It's just I want to hug you, but I don't wanna hurt you Jasper," he said blushing and keeping his eyes away from mine. He wanted to hug me. I felt like dancing at that moment as bizarre as that sounds. My heart pounded faster at the thought of being in his arms again.

I reached out for him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt his arms fold gently around me and I laid my head on his shoulder. I didn't care that I liked that too much; I was just glad he was there. I don't know how long he stood there holding me, but I was sad when he pulled away.

His eyes stayed at the floor rather than looking up at me. He left the bathroom leaving me standing there alone. Great, now I made things awkward. I took one more deep breath and I stepped out into his bedroom. He was pacing his room frantically and his hand was tugging his hair restlessly.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked. I hated seeing him like this. He was supposed to be the calm one here. He just shook his head and continued pacing. He wouldn't look at me as much as I willed him too. I decided that I would just sit on his bed since he didn't seem to be paying any attention to me.

When I lowered myself to the bed I felt my side burn in pain. I clenched my fists tightly in my hand and tried not to make a sound. I must've made some sort of noise because Edward glanced at me quickly before turning away again. I saw his jaw twitch.

That's when I realized that I should probably tell him what happened. He deserved to know especially for all of the help he had given me. And I guess it wouldn't hurt to get it off my chest. Fuck, just thinking about it made the anger come back. I can't believe Peter even had the nerves to put his fucking hands on my mom. I would rather deal with them calling each other names. But, to see him physically try to hurt her was unbearable. I actually thought Peter was a good guy most of the time. He always took care of my mom, Demetri, and me. Unfortunately I knew his bad side too.

But, even after all of that, my mom loved him. It made me hate her to see her get hurt like that. She deserved so much better than that. Fuck, we all did. Day after day I had to put up with both of their shit and more; it wasn't right. And nights like those made me feel like I was nothing. I would never have anybody to tell my secrets to, to explain the fucked up life I had, to just talk to. But maybe….Edward….maybe he would be different. What the fuck did I have to lose? I couldn't answer that because I already knew the answer was nothing.

"Edward," I said softly. He stopped midstep. "Can you come sit with me?" I asked blushing furiously. He nodded and slowly walked over sitting cross-legged in front of me. I searched his eyes for a moment trying to find the security that I needed to tell him the things I wanted. I found that and more. I took one deep breath and began. "My mom and Peter fight all the time. About drugs, money, anything. It happens almost every night. But this time was different….he tried to hit her and I jumped in front of her," I gulped trying to hold back the useless tears. I saw Edward's jaw straining. His hand reached out to rub my leg soothingly.

"I didn't know he would hurt me like that. He…threw me around, said some bad things. My mom yelled at him to stop but he wouldn't. It hurt so badly, but I couldn't let him hurt her. He only stopped because my brother came down the stairs and threatened him," I felt the anger well up inside of me.

"He was there the whole fucking time! He could've stopped all of that before it even happened! Then he has the nerve to ask me if I'm okay. And my mom…she fucking called him to come back because she loves him! She didn't even fucking ask if I was okay! She was too busy talking to fucking Peter to notice that I fucking left!" I yelled. Edward was staring at the bed. He was rubbing my leg frantically and I tried to calm down. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on his touch rather than the memory of what had happened that night.

I was breathing normally and more calm when Edward looked up. His green eyes were blazing. It was almost enough to make me scared of him, but I knew he wasn't angry with me.

"I can't believe what he fucking did to you! And your mom, fuck! I fucking hate this, Jasper!" He yelled as he stood up and paced the room again. "And you fucking called me and I didn't answer the phone. If I would've answered the fucking phone," he whispered. He was once again on the bed with his head in his hands.

"Edward," I whispered trying to get him to look at me. It wasn't his fault that I told him I didn't want to be friends. He didn't know what was happening. "Edward," I said again grabbing his hand. He lifted his head slowly and I could see the tears leaking from those beautiful green eyes. "Please don't cry," I told him. It was so terrifying to see him come apart like that and all because of me.

"I can't help it, Jasper. Seeing you so beat up and hearing what they did to you. I could kill him," he said softly but I could still hear the anger in his voice. I rubbed the hand I was holding with my thumb. It was quiet for a few minutes before he said anymore.

"My mom used to sell drugs before my dad became a doctor. He couldn't find a job and were struggling. Some of the buyers would take advantage of her. It made me so mad to see what she did to take care of us. She would come home at all hours of the night looking so tired and beat. Sometimes I could here her sobbing in the shower. But we made it. Things aren't like they used to be. She doesn't come home and cry anymore. She does what she loves. But sometimes I still have dreams about what those fuckers did to her," he said closing eyes remembering. His mom? She looked so pretty and normal. But, then again, I looked normal on the outside too and look at all of the shit I had to go through.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. I liked that he felt he could tell me these things but I still didn't fully understand.

"Because I don't want you to feel like you're telling me your whole life without telling you part of mine." He wasn't looking at me, but at the hand I was still holding. I wondered if he thought it was weird. I reluctantly dropped it. I didn't want to push him away when he was the only thing I had.

"Thank you," I whispered. He nodded. We just sat there in comfortable silence. I liked being with him. It was like being in a totally different world than the one I knew back home. This was one that I could get used to. Edward, I could get used to.

"Jasper, can I ask you something?" The question seemed silly after all of our confessions.

"Anything?" I said.

"Did you really mean it when you said you didn't want to be friends? I mean, fuck, I really care about you but if you don't want to, I mean…" he stumbled. He wanted to be friends? He cared about me? My heart lurched at his new confession. I swallowed my nerves and looked at him.

"Edward, of course I didn't mean that. I just, I've never had any real friends. I don't really get close to anyone because they always…..leave. I didn't want to lose you," my voice got quieter as I talked. My eyes moved away from his. I was ready for him to call me too clingy or something worse.

"Jasper," I looked at him steeling myself for what was about to come. "I won't ever leave you. You're the only friend I have ever cared about. Fuck, you're my best friend," he said staring deep into my eyes. I felt the tears come again as I remembered the last time I got close to someone.

_"I love you," I told her that one night when I thought that I might've found someone who I could love without risking anything. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and she brought my face up to hers._

_"I love you too," she told me. I felt my heart soar at her declaration even if I knew that a little part of me still doubted it. She held me that night and I had never felt more loved. It was heaven in her arms._

_She ruined all that shit that one day I went to her house. We had been dating for about five months and I thought things were getting pretty serious. I had never been with anyone longer than a month. Fuck, I had never found anyone that I wasn't afraid to stay with. I was walking up the stairs to her bedroom. Her parents weren't home yet and she always invited me over to do "homework." I loved that I had somewhere to go and I loved being with her. She made everything seem…not so bad._

_I was almost to her door when I heard giggling…and not female giggling either. I peeked in to see her in the arms in the one person I had always thought to be my friend. James. He was lying there with my girl in his arms and my heart broke for the millionth time right then. I just stood there staring until I forced myself to leave. Part of me believed that this had never happened, but I knew it did. Everything even remotely bad happened to me._

_They must've heard me because I heard her shout my name. She and James followed me down the stairs stuttering apologies that did nothing to heal my heart. I knew that I would have to face them sometime though so I might as well get it over with._

_"Alice, how could you do this to me?" I asked. She wouldn't look at me and James was looking away guiltily. Suddenly she looked up and there was only anger in her eyes._

_"How could I do this to you? Jasper, I can't let you and your brooding bring me down. I try to ask you to tell me what's wrong but you just push me away. We've been drifting apart a long time ago. Besides, you're too fragile, and to tell you the truth, James is the better fuck," she smirked. I felt myself break even more at her words._

_After she hurt me like that, I promised myself that I would never let it happen to me again. I couldn't let myself be broken anymore than I already was. I started not trusting anyone, afraid to get too close because that was just opening myself up for more pain. Never again._

I thought about that while I sat there with Edward. Giving in to those things and opening up to him was one of the scariest things I could ever do. Sure, I thought that I was already hurt enough that I had nothing to lose, but I still knew deep down that if he ended up hurting me it would hurt the most of all.

Of course, I didn't tell him what happened between me and Alice. It was something that I was too ashamed to mention to anyone. I sighed and that got his attention.

"Are you tired?" he asked. I nodded while I looked at the clock. Almost five in the morning. How the fuck was I going to make it to school? Two fucking hours of sleep? Oh well, at least I was there and with Edward. He set the alarm to go off so that way we would have time to get ready.

Then I wondered how I would be able to lie down without causing myself that much pain. So I slowly lowered myself down on the pillow and Edward watched me. I twitched in pain as pressure was put on my side. Edward helped me move so that way I was on my good side and also facing away from him. He pulled the covers over us and he got settled in.

I watched the minutes go by on the clock and I couldn't sleep. I slowly inched my way back so that I could almost feel Edward next to me. I prayed that he didn't think I was weird; I just needed to be close to him. I felt him inch closer and I could feel his chest on my back. He wasn't too close but close enough that I could feel him. So did that mean he was having problems falling asleep too?

Then I realized that I needed to feel more of his touch. I moved back a little more so that way we were pressed together more. I heard him gasp and I tensed waiting for him to jump out of bed or something. He didn't. He moved so his whole body was curved against mine. Jolts went through me. He was fucking spooning me. It felt so damn good.

My cock thought so too. I tried to calm my hormones. It wouldn't do good to have him find out how horny his touch made me. Then finally he sighed and it moved my hair and it made the hair stand on end in the back of my neck. Then I felt his arm reach around me and rest on my chest. Fuck, that felt even better. I tried to will my dick down but it wasn't happening.

Why was I so fucking hard because of a guy touching me? Fuck, this wasn't right I tried to tell myself. That wasn't working. I was into girls and here I was fucking hard as a rock. Did this mean I was gay? Or bi? What the fuck? Don't think about this now.

Luckily I was able to relax myself and I felt myself calming in his arms. This was perfect. I loved being with him way too much than I fucking should.

* * *

The two hours we had to sleep went by too fucking fast but I liked waking up with Edward. Waking up next to Edward was way better the second time. That morning I opened my eyes to find that I had turned so that I was facing Edward. His arms were wrapped around me and he was nuzzling into my neck. I was shocked at first to find that he was so close to me.

"Better?" he asked into my neck. The vibrations went right to my cock.

"Yes," I sighed trying to think about anything but the fact that I was unbearably turned on. Then, Edward tightened his hold on me and he pressed himself closer. My dick was pressed into his stomach and I prayed that he didn't notice. He did. I pulled away from him quickly, partly to hide my erection, partly to hide my red face.

"Don't worry about it man. What's a morning without some wood?" he chuckled. I looked at him knowing my face was red, but I loved seeing him laugh. It was too damn cute. And it made my cock too damn hard. I let myself in the bathroom listening to him chuckle as I went.

I faced myself in the mirror. I looked worse than I had before. My lip was sticking out and I had dark circles rimming my eyes. But at least they were only the slightest pink. But I couldn't really concentrate on what I looked like; there was another more pressing issue that I had to take care of.

Well, I couldn't exactly jack off while he was in the next room that was just wrong…and completely tempting. No, I shook my head. I decided to just use a cold rag to help the situation. Then I took a piss and no more erection. I was completely grateful that he was cool with everything. Then I realized that I didn't have any clothes.

I really didn't want to go home. Not now anyway. I walked back into the room as Edward was sliding on a shirt. Fuck, his chest was so damn….not again, I told myself. I had to stop thinking of him that way. "Hey, can I borrow some clothes?" I asked. He nodded with a smirk on his face and led me to his closet.

Fuck, he had more clothes than my entire family own. What the fuck did he want me to wear? He must've been watching my expression because he laughed.

"What kind of clothes are ya looking for?" he asked with a smile on his face. I felt my face heating up.

"A long sleeved shirt and jeans would be perfect," I muttered. I saw him walk into his enormous closet and came back with a plain black long t and a pair of jeans. I walked back into the room and sat on his bed. I didn't want a repeat of last night. I couldn't stand to see him on my knees. All I could think about was his mouth on me. I swallowed and gritted my teeth because I knew that putting on my clothes wasn't going to be very easy. I started sliding off the pajama bottoms without leaning over. I got the ankles of the jeans on and was trying to pull them out when I let out a gasp of pain.

Fuck. I closed my eyes trying to not think about it. I tried pulling them again and a burning pain went through my side. Then, before I could even think about what was happening Edward was over to me and pulled up the jeans. He quickly pulled up the shirt too before I could say anything.

When the shirt was in place, and I could see again I saw that he was angry.

"What?" I asked.

"Why couldn't you just ask me for help? Are you always so fucking stubborn?" he asked his jaw tight. I hated that he was mad and I felt myself frown and look away. "Sorry, I just-I just hate seeing you in pain," he whispered. His green eyes were soft again.

He pulled me up and to the bathroom and found a toothbrush for me to use. I felt so much better once I was almost clean. I got my hair wet so that way my waves would look less messy.

We didn't have time for breakfast and we made a dash to his car. We were almost out of the driveway when he asked me what I was trying to avoid.

"Did you want me to take you home or did you just wanna ride with me?" he asked quietly.

"With you," I whispered. I wasn't ready for what I had to face. I doubted I would be, but sometimes things just don't wait for you to be ready. He nodded and we were on the way to school.

It was a comfortable silence in the car and I looked out the window. I thought of a question that I had been meaning to ask.

"How come your parents are never home?"

"My dad works all hours at the hospital and my mom she is on a book tour right now," he told me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Don't you get lonely?" I asked. At least my mom and Peter were there whether they paid attention to me or not.

"Not when you're there," he mumbled with an adorable blush on his face. I did it again…ugh, I groaned. "Are you okay? Does it hurt?" he asked quickly, concern etched in his face. It was actually a little better because he had given me some painkillers before we left and the sleeves covered my wrist. The only noticeable thing was my lip.

"No, I feel okay," I tried to smile at him but he still looked incredibly worried. It was silent the rest of the way to school. We made furtive glances at each other and looked away when we got caught. What the fuck was wrong with us?

We were driving into the school parking lot when a car almost hit us. Edward slammed on the breaks and I yelled out in pain.

"Fuck," I shouted. My fucking ribs felt like they were being torn to pieces. Edward quickly pulled into a spot and unbuckled turning to me. He was muttering curses under his breath.

"Jasper, fuck, are you all right?" he asked looking at me. I was trying not to cry because of the pain and my breath was coming in gasps. He moved my shirt up so he could look at the bandages covering my side. He ran his hand over them lightly and my breath hitched not because of pain, but because of desire. He continued to run his hands over me and I continued to star at his bronze hair in front of.

"Look at the fucking fags," a couple of guys sneered as they passed. Edward jerked away from me and back in his seat. I looked at him and he was pissed.

"Do you want to skip? If you don't want to go I will stay with you. I mean, you're hurt enough as it is….." he said looking at me with glassy eyes. Was he gonna cry? I felt a different kind of hurt in my chest.

"No, I'm okay. Really. Let's go," I said opening the door and he followed. We didn't say anything as we each went our separate ways to class. I glanced back at him to find his eyes following me. Fuck, what did this all mean?

* * *

The classes went by slowly and all I could think about was Edward and what all of this fucking meant. I mean you don't feel desire for your best friend…do you? There was something about him that made me want to spend every waking moment with him. He was like the one thing that fixed everything bad in my life. I needed him, as much as I hated to admit it. But the things I felt for him went beyond friendship and that scared me. And as soon as he found out he would push me away and I would be at square one once again. Just keep it cool, Jasper. As long as I keep my feelings under control, things would be good. I sighed. I wanted to believe that.

Lunch came and Edward found me and asked me to join him again at his table. I was distracted, thinking all during that time as I listened to his friends' light banter. All I could think about was that at the end of the day I would have to go home and I wouldn't be around Edward anymore. And here I was wasting my time with him being a sulking brat. Edward didn't seem to mind though, and he didn't push me to tell him what's wrong. He just sent glances my way.

Lunch came and went and so did the afternoon classes until last period. I watched Edward walk in and I thought that he was going to go sit in his usual seat. He came over and sat across from me with a smirk. We didn't get to talk at all because the teacher was too busy giving us a lecture in psychology. And when that class was over we walked to his car.

We were already on our way to my house when he finally asked the question.

"What's wrong, Jasper? You've been quiet all day," he murmured quietly.

"I don't want to go home," I whispered. I saw his hands tighten on the steering wheel.

"I don't want you to go either," he said. But we were there and there was really no choice. He turned to me and I saw him wipe a few tears away. I hated seeing him cry. "Call me. Tonight. No matter what."

"I will," I said because at least I had that to look forward to. His eyes tightened and he closed them. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"I want to go in there and hurt him so bad for what he did to you that it is taking all of my control to not do it," he said fiercely. I nodded and got out of the car. I made it to the front door before I gave in and looked behind me. His expression was full of pain. His car sped away and I was left alone.

I took one last breath and opened the door. Peter was at my side in a second.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me," he said drunkenly through his tears. I saw my mom behind him equally teary. "It won't ever happen again. I promise."

"It's okay," I said trying to assure both of them. I didn't have any words left to say to them. It wasn't and I doubted things would ever be okay. They just continued crying as I walked to my room and got some clothes for a shower.

The hot water loosened my muscles and it helped the pain in my side. I also took a few more painkillers and all I could feel was a dull throb. Once I was clean and dressed in loose clothes I made my way to my room to eat and then work on my neglected homework.

I was doodling eyes on my paper when there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said to whoever it was. Demetri came in and I felt my fists clench. "Not you. Get the fuck out of my room," I said menacingly.

"No," he said firmly.

"Get out!" I yelled. When he didn't move I jumped off the bed ready to push him out. Then I heard his gasps and knew that he had seen the awful bruising. "Like what you see? Maybe if you were fucking there I wouldn't look like this!" I yelled.

"Well maybe if you weren't so fucking stupid and went and got me this would have never happened!" he yelled equally angry.

"Fuck you!" I shouted. "All you care about is yourself so don't fucking feel sorry for me. You aren't here most of the fucking time so what was I supposed to do?" I shot back. A look of hurt crossed his face.

We stood there, our breathing fast and our fists clenched. Then he walked over to me and put his arms around me lightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear as he stroked my hair. I knew that he was saying sorry for a lot more than not being there. He was apologizing for how I got hurt, for the way mom was, for the way we lived. I nodded and held him back. He let me go and stepped back.

Then he took a deep breath and put his hand on my shoulder. "I want you to meet Jane," he said. He looked worried.

"Okay," I said and he smiled. Wow, maybe he was fucking PMSing. I swear it was like we were on a fucking boat the way his emotions were changing. Then without another word, he left the room. I chuckled to myself and picked up my cell phone and sat on my bed.

He answered on the first ring. "Jasper?"

"Hi," I said relieved at the sound of his voice.

"Did anything happen?"

"Nothing bad," I sighed.

"That's good," he said and it was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "It's so weird without you being here," he said quietly. My heart soared. He missed me too.

"I know."

"Hey, why don't you spend the night this Friday? You know, come over without something bad happening. Just for fun. If you want to, I mean you don't have to…" he was stuttering with nerves.

"Sounds fun," I said. I couldn't have been happier. He wanted me to come over.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," I laughed and I heard him laugh too.

"Did you want a ride tomorrow?" he asked.

"Well, I could ride the spiffy, yellow school bus but if you insist…" I laughed.

"Nine?" he asked and I agreed.

We talked for a while after and I felt so much better. I really didn't want to hang up but I knew that I should.

"I should go," I said sadly.

"Yeah," he sighed. Could it be that he didn't want me to go either. "Tomorrow."

"Yup," I smiled.

"Bye Jasper,"

"Bye, Edward."

I sighed and put my phone down and got in my covers. I couldn't wait for tomorrow to come, knowing that I would be with Edward. But Friday had me the most excited. It would be nice to hang out just as friends and not be crying like a fucking baby.

I couldn't fucking wait.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to all of you for all of the reviews and alerts next chapter. Also thanks to my beta for keeping my spirits up with this fic. I really hope you all like this...**

**Disclaimer: :( not mine**

* * *

Ever since that night that Edward invited me over there was a new hope inside of me. It was a hope that told me that no matter how fucked up it was at home I had something worth waiting for. Besides, I knew that my mom and Peter were going to get high and drunk no matter what I said. Edward was just there to make it better.

And he did. He called me every night. We would talk about anything and everything. We took the time to really get to know each other. I wanted to know every little detail about him and that scared me. We told each other everything. Our fears, our dreams, our pasts. We also talked about other things that weren't quite as serious like our favorite colors, music we liked, and great movies. He was truly my best friend.

The sad thing about that was that I was going to fuck all of that up with my stupid feelings. I couldn't deny the attraction I had to him because it was impossible to ignore. The things I felt for him were more than friendship and that scared me. I didn't want to ruin this. I didn't think I could stand it if I lost him too.

Luckily, those thoughts were pushed far from my mind as Friday came. I was so excited that I could hardly sit. I kept looking out the window waiting for him to show up. I hadn't told my mom that I was going to be staying over a friend's house. Like always, she didn't give a shit where I was. But, she couldn't keep me down. No matter how hurtful she was, I had Edward. And I would be staying the night at his house. I did a little happy dance at the thought.

I saw him pull up and I dashed out the door. I jumped into the car and I saw him smirk at me. He knew I was excited to be over there. Fuck, I probably looked like some eager fucking kid going to his first sleepover. But still, I was going to Edward's. And this time it didn't need to be because of my fucked up life. He _wanted_ me over and that made me so thrilled. This time there would be no tears; it would just be two guys hanging out. I smiled. I could hardly wait for school to be over.

I hated my morning classes. They seemed to drag on and on. All I could think about was seeing Edward at lunch. It almost seemed like I was addicted to him. Well, I guess that made sense since he made my fucked up life so much better. He was so fucking precious to me and he didn't even know it.

I knew that my perfect day would get fucked up somehow; I just didn't know that it would happen at lunch. In the past week I had sat at the table with Edward, his friends and I were more casual with each other. Emmett didn't hesitate to punch me in the shoulder when he was teasing me. It was nice feeling accepted. I really like the three of them too, but I felt like me and Edward had sort of our own personal bubble around us. It was comforting.

It was just that day that the conversation turned into something that fucked everything up. Mike and Tyler were having a debate over the better fucks they had. It was completely stupid if you ask me.

"You think you're some fucking hot shot just because you banged Jessica?" Tyler asked Mike with a scowl on his face. "Fuck, at least Lauren didn't fucking talk the whole time,"

"Better than any time you got laid," Mike smirked back.

"Would you both shut the fuck up?" Edward asked finally glaring at the both of them. They glanced over the table at him.

"Hmmm, I bet you Eddie here had the best one out of all of us. Fuck, Alice looks fuckable even with clothes on," Tyler said with an appreciative look on his face.

Alice. Fuck, Edward was dating Alice. This could not be happening to me. After she cheated on me with James and now she's dating my best friend? As soon as Alice found out that I was hanging out with Edward things would be done. God, I fucking hated her and all the pain she caused me.

"Jasper, what's wrong with you?" Emmett asked looking at me with concern. I clenched my fists on my lap. I couldn't look at Edward.

"Jasper, talk to me," I heard Edward say beside me. I looked over at him and tried not to let any emotion escape from me. I wasn't going to have a fucking breakdown in the middle of the cafeteria.

"You're dating Alice?" I asked wanting to make sure.

"Yeah, why?" I swallowed. I had to tell him. I guess any time was a good time because it wouldn't be pretty any other way.

"Alice and I dated about four months ago. She was fucking someone else why we were dating," I said quietly. I saw his eyes widen with shock and then fill with anger. I glanced at Mike, Emmett, and Tyler and they were staring with their mouths open.

"Please tell me you're not serious," Edward pleaded. I couldn't say anything. I looked down. How fucking embarrassing was this? I hated seeing the looks on all of their faces. I guess they had never been cheated on before. Lucky them. "Meet me at the car after school," he growled out as he grabbed his stuff and walked away.

I knew that he wasn't mad at me, but I didn't like him leaving. I was left here with the three musketeers gaping at me.

"What?" I snapped. Their eyes glanced away quickly before coming back to me.

"She really did that to you?" Mike asked. "She looks so innocent."

"Far from it," I muttered. I made the mistake of thinking that too. Boy, was I wrong.

"So was she a good fuck or what?" Tyler asked.

"Ty, don't fucking ask him shit like that," Emmett glared at him then turned back to me. "I'm sorry he doesn't have a filter in his brain. Sorry she did that to you, man. You're too nice a guy," he told me. I felt my cheeks flush with humiliation. I made a mistake and I didn't want to keep dwelling on it anymore. I think they understood when I was silent the rest of lunch.

I was eager for last period to come so I could talk to Edward. It seemed like all he ever did was run away. I sat in my chair and waited for him to come in. Luckily he did this time and I felt myself sigh in relief. He looked at me warily and sat down. I glanced at him but he wasn't looking at me.

I hated my psychology teacher for the stupid fucking lecture that he gave us. All I wanted to do was talk to Edward and find out what was wrong. What if he talked to Alice? What would she say about me? Did I just ruin everything for them? Ughhh, I could barely sit there the entire hour sneaking glances between the clock and Edward. I was fucking glad when it was over.

The bell rang and we left the building and went to his car in silence. Great, this probably ruined our whole fucking night now. We both got in and I was surprised when he didn't start the car.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. I couldn't stand him not talking to me. He was looking at the fists clenched in his lap instead of my eyes.

"I broke up with Alice," he spoke quietly. I had guessed that but I didn't think he would actually do it. What she did to me didn't concern him.

"Why? I mean, it's not like she cheated on you," I said. I saw him glance up at me and I saw the anger in his eyes.

"Because she's a cheater. What makes you think that she won't do it again. And besides all that, she hurt you Jasper. I'm not going to stay with someone who broke my best friends heart," he said quietly never looking away from my eyes. He did this for me?

"You didn't have to do that for me," I told him. He shouldn't have to give up anything because of me.

"I know I didn't. But I don ever want to see you get hurt and I know that staying with her will hurt you. You mean more to me than she ever would," he said his green eyes directed at me. That was just too fucking sweet.

"Thank you," I muttered. He just smiled in return. I felt my stomach do flip-flops. What was I a fucking girl?

"So are you ready for tonight? Do we need to stop at your house to get anything?" I shook my head. It would be too embarrassing to tell him that I had everything with me. Fuck, I had waited all day to spend the night at his house. And I didn't want to go back to mine either. If my mom ever wondered where I was she had my fucking cell number. I doubted she would even notice that I was gone.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed that he was driving and we were almost to his house. Bubbles of excitement were flowing through me. I was going to Edward's house...for a sleepover. I smiled and a laugh escaped from me. It was weird to feel this happy. It was a good feeling. I saw him smile back at me.

We pulled up to his house and got out. He led me into the kitchen and we had a snack.

"So I've never really had someone spend the night before so...what did you want to do?" He was nervously biting his lip and his eyes didn't meet mine.

"Well you could show me the rest of the house since I've only seen a few rooms," I laughed trying to make him feel better. He smiled and nodded.

The parts of the house that I hadn't seen were just as beautiful ad the rest. His house was magnificent. But his parents were nowhere to be seen.

"So you're parents aren't here?" I asked.

"No, we have the whole place to ourselves," he gave me a crooked smile and I felt my stomach lurch. " They will be both be back tomorrow. I want you to meet my dad. I mean if you want to," he said biting his lip again.

"Sure," I smiled. Meeting his dad would be cool. I bet you he wouldn't be anything like my dad used to be. I was thinking about my dad when he abruptly stopped me.

"Can I show you something?" he asked excitement in his eyes. He looked like a kid wanting to show me his favorite toy. It was too fucking cute. I nodded and he walked to his room with me following behind. I already saw his room what the fuck did he want to show me? He laughed at my expression and opened his closet. What the fuck was in his closet?

He led me to the back of the closet to this secret door. He opened it and all I could see was total darkness. Then he ducked in and I followed him helplessly. We started up some winding stairs. I was blind and the only way I knew he was in front of me was because of the sounds of his feet and his breathing.

I tried to make careful steps in the complete darkness, but I somehow managed to trip and catch myself.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked. Even from his voice I could tell that he was worried. I couldn't say anything because I was trying to catch my breath. I felt his hand touch my neck and I gasped at the desire running through me. His hand traveled down my neck to my shoulder and down my arm. I tried to repress the shiver as he grabbed my hand.

He pulled me up and up a few more stairs until he reached a door. It opened and there was a shock of white. I hissed in pain as my eyes became accustomed to the brightness. He continued to hold my hand as he pulled me into the room and shut the door behind us. It was a small room that was covered floor to wall with shelves. Most of them were filled with books and journals. There was a small desk and a few comfortable looking chairs.

The bright light came from the open curtains on the door hat led outside on the balcony. The room was fucking more perfect than anything else I had seen in Edward's entire house.

"This is yours?" I asked still shocked. He smiled and nodded.

"It's my getaway really. No one else knows about this room except for you and, of course, my parents." I smiled knowing that he trusted me enough to show me this. It meant more to me than he would ever know. I walked to one of the many shelves to look at the titles of the books he had there. I didn't recognize many. But there were a lot of journals on the shelves that made me curious.

"Do you write?" I asked touching the spine of one of the journals.

"Yeah, short stories, poems, songs. It's my release," he said looking down. What- was he fucking ashamed of being a writer? That was so fucking cool. I couldn't write for anything let alone talk correctly.

"That's really awesome you know. I like to draw," I offered hoping that that made him feel a little better.

"Really? You should show me sometime," he said smiling.

"Only if you show me yours," I teased. He laughed and motioned for me to look as I pleased. I was actually really fucking curious about the things he wrote so I grabbed the nearest one on the shelf next to me. I opened it and sat in one of the nice chairs in the room.

This book seemed like poetry or songs. Some of them were really sad and it made me feel that way too. His words jumped out at me and it made me seem like I was there with him. I got lost in his work and I lost track of time too.

By the time I had finally glanced up the sun was almost set and Edward was looking out the window with a blank expression on his face. I couldn't believe I wasted all of that time. He must be so fucking bored.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to spend all afternoon up here," I said. He looked over at me.

"That's okay," he said quietly. My stomach growled and he laughed. "Hungry?" I nodded. I put the journal back on the shelf and turned to him. He motioned for me to go ahead of him into the dark stairwell. Was he going to touch me again? My heart sped up at the very thought of him doing that. He closed the door behind us and we were engulfed in black.

I tried to feel my way down the stairs but a few times I felt myself almost slipping. Fuck, it was bad enough walking in full daylight and I was expected to do this? At the very thought of that I almost tripped another time and I felt Edward's hand on my hip. I froze for a second trying to overcome the desire that wanted me to turn around and kiss him. Wait kiss him? Please tell me I didn't just think that. Fuck me.

"Want me to help you walk?" he laughed in my ear. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I shivered. Please don't fucking moan I told myself. His hands never left my hip until we made it to the bottom. He moved his hand to his side and I opened the door to his closet and sighed. I fucking liked him touching me. I missed it way too fucking much.

We went to the kitchen and I sat on the barstool watching him. "What did you want to eat?" he asked me.

"Tacos," I said quickly. I fucking loved Mexican food. He laughed because he already knew that I was going to day that. Just like I knew that he loved Italian food. He started taking out ingredients and I felt like a lazy pig watching him. I jumped up to grab some things from the fridge.

"You don't have to help," he protested. I just shook my head and smiled at him. I was going to help no matter what. Besides, I wanted to see him cook. Fuck, most the guys I knew barely knew how to make toast. "Okay," he sighed his lips twitching. I opened the fridge and hunted for lettuce and tomato. I noticed that a cake was in there.

"What's the cake for?" I asked. Maybe it was one of his parents' birthdays. He abruptly stopped what he was doing and turned to me with a guilty look.

"Well, that first day we met you said it was your sixteenth birthday. I just- I wanted you to have a real birthday. We don't have to," his eyes were studying the hamburger that he was cooking. He wanted to celebrate my birthday? That was really unexpected….and really fucking nice. No one ever did that for me. I felt myself tear up looking at the cake. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you upset," he looked so sad. I needed to explain.

"Edward, I haven't had a real birthday in so long that it's just another fucking day to me. I just wasn't expecting this but trust me you won't have to force me to eat it," he smiled so hugely and I felt my stomach flutter again.

"Well, in that case, I'm going to make sure that this is going to be one of the most fun nights that you will never forget." Too bad he didn't know already that I couldn't forget any moment that I had with him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me.

We cooked dinner in companionable silence. Once in a while we would bump hands and I would feel that seemingly constant shock through me again. What the fuck was making me feel this? A guy? After all this time how could Edward bring out this sort of response from me? I didn't know how to stop it and to tell you the truth I didn't really want to. It was completely confusing.

After we finished cooking we sat at the table together with two cans of whatever it was that Edward got for us. The tacos were fucking amazing. The hard shells and the meat and fuck that was good. I moaned as I bit into my third. I heard a sharp intake of breath from Edward and I glanced up. His green eyes were dark and he was staring at me with his mouth open. He must've noticed that I was staring at him because he looked away before looking back at me again.

"Tacos good?" he smirked at me before taking a big bite out of his.

"So good," I moaned again and I heard him choke on his taco. He jumped up to get a drink. Was he okay? I was worried about him. He was acting…..off.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him. He nodded and finished cleaning up his plate. He came over and got my empty plate and put them in the sink. He popped open the top of the mysterious drinks in front of us.

"What are these?" I asked pointing to the drink in front of me.

"Energy drink," he smirked. "Never had one have you?" I shook my head and he laughed. "Don't worry it's fine," he said and I hesitantly popped my top off and took a sip. It had a sharp bite to it but not too bad. He just smiled around his can at me. I was so fucking thirsty after those tacos that the can was almost gone by the time I finished. We went upstairs and we were just talking for a while. About anything but nothing serious.

About half an hour after that things started getting goofy. We were cracking up so hard and drooling on ourselves. I couldn't sit still so I jumped up to go look at his music. I put on whatever was in there and turned it up. Music blasted through the speakers in his bedroom and the bass was fantastic. I danced to the beat and sang the lyrics. Edward was just watching me with wild eyes. I pulled him up and he started dancing too.

After the one song was done we switched it to the radio. Fucking Miley. Then I heard Edward singing to it and I busted out laughing.

"What?" he yelled over the music. "Come on, it's a good song," he insisted as he sang it at the top of his lungs. It was fucking hilarious. He glared at me as he put in a different CD. It had some good beats to it and then I realized that it was in a different language. And Edward was singing. Fuck, it was Spanish.

Kill me now. Edward looked so fucking hot singing that I had to sit down real quickly before he noticed the tent in my jeans. Fuck and his wild green eyes were driving me crazy. The song was almost over when he noticed that I wasn't dancing anymore.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" he asked coming over to me with a worried look on his face.

"Nothing," I muttered quickly. I tried to think of anything to calm me down. I didn't want him to find out that I was so fucking horny by watching him dance and sing in Spanish.

"Then whatcha lying down then for huh?" he smirked and hit me with a pillow from his bed. Oh, it was so on. I grabbed one and made a lunge for him but he just laughed and darted away from me. I tried to corner him but he just ran through the door laughing. I followed running as fast as I could. I got in a couple of good swipes before he could get away. We were almost to the kitchen when he tripped and fell. He was on the floor holding his leg in pain. I threw the pillow I had in my hand down and dashed to him.

"Fuck, Edward are you okay? Please tell me you're fucking okay" I begged touching his hair while his face was hidden from me. He was trembling and it scared me to see him hurt. Then I felt myself being pushed onto the ground with my wrists pinned above me.

"I win," he said from above me. He was shaking from laughing so hard. That bastard; I really thought he was fucking hurt. My eyes burned with anger and I tried to yank my hands free of his grip. I couldn't get out though and that made me even more frustrated.

"Let go of me," I growled glaring at him. The smile fell off his face instantly.

"You really thought I was hurt didn't you?" he asked me letting go of my hands to prop himself up. I didn't answer; I was still to mad. "I'm so fucking sorry, Jasper. I was only playing." I was still looking the other way and I felt some of the anger go away. Then he lowered his head so it was resting on my neck. "God, I'm such an idiot," I heard him mumble into my skin. He felt so fucking good next to me. Too fucking good considering that my dick was growing again. I felt him slowly raise his head so that way he could see me. "You're so fucking beautiful," he said. Did he just fucking say that? I felt my mouth go open in shock.

"Fuck, I don't know where that came from," he said his whole face red. "I understand if you want to leave now," he muttered looking down.

"I don't want to leave, Edward. I like it here. Maybe too much. And you're the only friend I've really had. And that means I don't give a fuck about the crazy shit that comes out of your mouth." I smiled at him. Maybe I was feeling loopy about him calling me beautiful.

"Really?" he asked with a hint of a smile on his face. I nodded.

"So let's go get some fucking cake now okay," I said to him. His green eyes were wide as he smiled at me.

"Okay." he said.

I don't know how I got through watching him eat that fucking chocolate cake. I felt like my hard on was going to rip my fucking pants. It was sort of a delicious pain. But, then I had the dilemma over where to sleep. Fuck, I loved sleeping with Edward, but I wasn't hurt this time so there really wasn't any need to. I grabbed a couple blankets and got settled on the floor and waited for Edward to come back in from the bathroom.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked once he saw me.

"Getting ready to go to sleep," I replied closing my eyes.

"Not on the floor. Get the fuck up here," he said. He wanted me to sleep with him? I jumped up immediately glad in his change of plans. He just threw the blankets that I had down and motioned for me to get in. I climbed to the other side of the bed and got in. I felt when he got in too and shut off the light. I laid there for about an hour restlessly. All I could think about was him touching me and calling me beautiful. Maybe he was still awake like I was.

"Edward?" I whispered quietly.

"What?" he asked worried.

"You can't sleep either?" I asked.

"No," he sighed. I sighed too and tried to get comfortable again. Then I felt his press his body against me and I bit my lip to keep the moan in. He was doing this, I reminded myself.

"Is this okay?" he asked. I nodded my head and he moved a little closer. His arm moved around me and I felt him press his face into my hair. I felt him sigh and I relaxed.

"Does this feel weird to you?" I asked him. I needed to fucking know.

"No. It feels right and besides friends can do this," his voice was a little strained at the end but I didn't want to ask him what's wrong. No, that's a lie; I didn't want him to move away. But, it would seem weird for friends to do this but it didn't for us. It felt right for me. Or maybe that was because I was feeling more than friendship. I feel asleep in Edward's arms feeling more confused than ever.

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**So what did you think? :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Another update! Okay, first a couple of things...reviews from last chapter went waayyy down :( What's up with that? I mean, I don't write this just for the reviews, but they do tend to make me write faster so if you like it please leave one. And another thing...the next chapter is going to have Demetri and Jane in it and Edward's dad...maybe even Alice. It can't be all E/J! So that's coming up.**

**Disclaimer: You already know.**

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Waking up with Edward was like the perfect morning after the night we had. I was still confused about what I felt about him, but there was nothing confusing about the way he was holding me. But I knew that my time with him was coming to an end because I had to go home. I sighed. I didn't want to leave.

"What's the matter?" he asked as he inched away from me. I missed his closeness.

"I have to go home," I said quietly.

"Already?" he asked. I tried to tell myself that I imagined the disappointment in his voice.

"It's almost eleven, Edward."

"You have to be kidding me. Where the fuck did the night go?" I turned around so I could see him and there was a frown on his face. Could it be that he didn't want me to leave as much as I didn't want to go?

"I know," I sighed again. But I knew I would have to get going soon. I got up from the bed and stretched. I slept with my clothes on so I was basically ready to leave. "Last night was the most fun I have had in a long time. Probably ever. And it was honestly the best birthday ever," I said almost overcome with emotion. I wouldn't ever forget that night. He made every bad birthday worth it. He was worth it. "Thank you," I whispered looking up at him.

His green eyes were wide. He pulled the blanket off and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and sighed. It felt so wonderful to be held. I put my face into the crook of his neck and he tightened his hold on me. Then he quickly pulled away and began and ran to his dresser searching through it frantically. He obviously found what he was looking for and came back to me. There was an exciting light in his eyes.

"I want to give you this," he said looking at me while grabbing my wrist. I felt him tying something around it and I looked down. It was a braided bracelet with beads in it. It was beautiful. "It's my lucky bracelet and I wanted you to have it," he said as he dropped my wrist. The bracelet was like a nice weight on my arm. A reminder of him of some sort. I loved it. I would always have a piece of him with me.

"Thank you," I said and he smiled. "But I really have to go," I said and his smile turned into a frown.

"Can you come over tonight? I want you to have dinner with my parents," he looked nervous. He really wanted me to have dinner with them? We never had a family dinner in our house; it wasn't something that I was used to either. I nodded too choked up to say anything. I left his house feeling sad and excited at the same time.

During my time with Edward it was like I was in some whole different universe than the one that I lived in. Things weren't all rainbows and sunshine back at my place. Life was fucking hard for me and he had things a lot easier than I did. I didn't blame him though and I couldn't really blame myself. We all had our own fucking issues. But, when I was with him none of the bad things mattered anymore; I was just me. I didn't have to worry about my mom overdosing or who was spending the night on our couch. I was happy with him.

I sighed. That was a whole other thing I had to work out. The things that he made me feel worried me. I mean you weren't supposed to be attracted to your best friend. Especially if they were the same sex. Ever time I was around him I got hard, and I couldn't deny that I was more horny than I had ever been in my life. So was I gay? Bi? I had been with girls and I had even lusted after a few…but Edward? All I could think about was him. Besides, would it actually be that bad if you found the one that you were supposed to be with no matter what gender they were.

Things weren't that simple anymore. People were called names for liking the same sex. They were beat up, made fun of, avoided. I would take all that and more if that meant that I could have Edward. But Edward was straight and I wasn't going to take the chance of losing him. He was all I had. I couldn't tell him how I felt just to be pushed away. I needed him like I needed air. Fuck, that was messed up.

I sighed. It sucked to have something you wanted right before you and not being able to have it. Like falling for someone and them not falling for you. Like realizing you were attracted to your straight best friend. Fuck my life. Oh, that's right it already was.

I opened the front door to find something completely unexpected. The house was trashed as usual, but my mom sitting at the dining room table with a pissed expression on her face was. Fuck me. She was hung over and guessing from her face she found out that I wasn't home last night.

"Where the fuck have you been?" she yelled shaking the hand that had the cigarette in it.

"Just figured out that I wasn't here?" I asked her sarcastically. Since when did she care where I was? All she cared about was her booze and drugs and the non-existent money we had.

"Don't fucking talk to me like that!" She yelled. "Where the fuck were you at?"

"A friend's house," I said not yelling like she was. I didn't want to make her more mad than she already was.

"And you couldn't tell me? Or answer your phone? Didn't it ever occur to you that I needed to know where you were?" She called me? I didn't here my phone ring. I fished it out of my pocket. Fuck, three missed calls. She never called. I felt guilt over come me followed by anger. She never cared where I was…why the fuck should she start caring now?

"Sorry," I mumbled even though I was angry. She was still my mom no matter what fucked up choices she made.

"Well, you should've thought of that before. You're grounded," she said taking a drink of her coffee along with a couple aspirin.

"You're grounding me!" I burst out. "This isn't fair! You never care what happens to me…most of the time you forget I exist!" I was unbelievably mad and I couldn't help it.

"You know that isn't true," she shouted but we both knew it was.

"Right. That's why sometimes you just forget to make dinner, too busy getting high and drunk, huh?" I said calmly but my heart pounding. I watched my mom stand up and she was shaking she was so angry.

"I am your mother and you will not speak to me that way," she ground out through clenched teeth.

"You're not my mother…you just pretend to be," I said as I stomped off to my room and slammed the door and locked it. A few seconds later she started pounding on it.

"Open this fucking door!" she yelled and I could tell she was crying. "Peter!" she screamed. I heard him yelling then still sleeping off the previous night. Then it was quiet. Then he pounded so hard on my door that it shook. I opened it and my mom stood in the doorway crying but with furious eyes. She walked into my room grabbed my iPod, and my cell phone and walked out slamming the door again. I changed my clothes and sat on my bed. This fucking sucked. How was I going to see Edward now? And what was he going to think when I didn't call?

Well, I had hours to think about that seeing that I didn't have much to do besides draw. Maybe I could sneak out, I mean that always worked. I could just lock my door and no one would even know I was gone. I smiled to myself. I knew it was bad, but I couldn't not go and see Edward. I knew he would just make all of this shit go away as soon as I saw him. I didn't know what to do with myself and all I could think about was _him_. Fuck, I hated being grounded.

_I was at Edward's house like we had done most days after school. We were upstairs in his secret room and he was doing homework while I was reading more of his journals. I picked up one that was lying by the side of my chair. The dates were from the past couple of days and sooner. _

**Where I need to be is in your arms**

**You're so close but seem so far**

**I want to say I love you but I'm scared to say the words**

**Something so short and simple causes so much hurt**

**I don't know why I need you; I just know I do**

**My hearts so confused, please tell me what to feel**

_Who was this about? He had broken up with Alice, but here he was trying to confess his love to someone else. Fuck, his words hurt. I tried to tell myself that I wasn't jealous because it wasn't about me. I glanced down at the book in my lap again and noticed another short poem beneath it._

**Saying I love you is only the start**

**I need to tell you everything straight from the heart**

**So many words and not enough time to say them**

**I can't face it anymore I'm in love with him**

Him._ That's what he said. Was he fucking gay then because I had only seen him with girls? I needed to find out._

_"Edward?" I asked. He glanced up from his schoolwork with a small smile on his lips. He looked so fucking adorable it drove me crazy._

_"Yeah?" he asked me. _

_"Who is this about?" I asked him pointing to the journal in my lap. He set his textbooks down and he sat in the chair next to me. I handed him the book and I watched as he read what he had written. His face reddened as he read to the end and shut the book._

_"Edward?" I mumbled. He closed his eyes and I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed._

_"You," he said. What the fuck was he talking about._

_"Me what?" I asked shaking my head. Why couldn't he just fucking tell me already._

_"You. It's about you," he whispered. I felt my mouth drop open as I stared at him in shock. I t was about me? He felt that way too? I felt my heart soar at his words._

_"You're in love with me?" I choked on my words. He was looking in his lap and I could see him biting his lip._

_"I'm sorry, I know you don't like me like that," he said quickly still not meeting my eyes. He got up and started getting his school things together. What the fuck was he doing? He just told me he was in love with me and now he was pretending that it didn't even happen?_

_"Edward, what are you doing?" I panicked. He can't be leaving. He didn't answer just continued to pack his things. Then he walked to the door._

_"Edward!" I said loudly and he froze. I took a deep breath and got ready to spill my heart out. "I'm in love with you too," I said closing my eyes as I made my declaration. I opened them when he didn't make a sound. I watched as he turned around with a disbelieving look on his face. Then I saw him drop his things and walk over to me. He grabbed my head and brought his lips to mine. It was so fucking unbelievable. It was better than anything I had ever experienced. His tongue sliding expertly with mine and our moans mingling together was by far the most incredible thing I had ever felt. I pulled him closer and he deepened the kiss. He tasted so good. I bet he tasted good elsewhere too. I moved my mouth so that way I could breathe. _

_"Fuck, Jasper, so good," he moaned as I licked the side of his neck. He ground himself into me and I could feel how hard he was against me. I made him that hard, I realized and moaned at the thought. _

_"Please, I want you," I begged. I didn't want to push him too far._

_"Yessss," he moaned as I bit his lip. I slid my hand away from his beautiful hair to touch his chest. I touched his nipples through his shirt and he groaned and ground himself harder against me. "More," he gasped. I let my hand wander lower to his cock and palmed him through his jeans. "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper," he chanted urging me on. _

_"Jasper!" I heard my name louder. _

Fuck, I woke up with a start to the sound of someone calling my name. It definitely wasn't Edward. My mom. Fuck, did she want to yell at me some more or what? I got up and groaned as the blood rushed downward. Fucking four hours I had slept and that fucking dream, man. I opened the door and my mom was standing there.

She looked better than she had in a long time. Clean, and dressed in cleaner clothes, and not completely drunk.

"Can we talk?" she asked quietly. I nodded and we both moved into my room and sat on my bed after I closed the door behind us.

"I'm sorry, mom," I said and I was. No matter what my mom did she deserved respect. I was wrong, but so was she. "I should've told you where I was."

"I'm sorry too, sweetie. I shouldn't have yelled. I know that things are messed up, Jasper. You know that I make mistakes and I'm so sorry that they hurt you. But no matter what I do, I care about you and where you are. I love you, honey," she said. There were tears in my eyes. I knew she tried so hard to be a better mom for Demetri and I, and I knew how hard it was for her to fight the addiction. She wrapped her arms around me and I cried into her shoulder as she stroked my hair. I cried for her, for me, for Edward, for everything. I heard her crying softly too and that made me feel worse. We just held each other until we both settled down. She pulled away and she smiled a little.

"I made some spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner," she told me. I loved her spaghetti.

"With cheese on the bread?" I asked. She nodded and I chuckled. I ate dinner and she and Peter drank a few beers and getting buzzed. It was about one of the best nights that you could see at my house. They passed out about eight in their bedroom. I smiled to myself as I slipped on my shoes. Edward's house here I come.

It was cold and windy outside and I had to make my way to Edward's house on foot. I still couldn't believe how incredibly easy it was to get out. I smiled to myself….I was such a badass. I laughed and I felt ridiculous. I was almost to his house when I remembered the dream that I had.

Did that mean something? I mean, fuck, I already knew I was attracted to the guy but love? I don't think so. Every time I found that I loved someone it was ripped away from me. It was Not about to happen again. But did he have feelings for me? I desperately wanted him to and fuck, that dream was so good. I shook my head. That's all it was….a dream. And all it ever would be.

Before I knew it I was at Edward's door and knocking. I bit my lip nervously. It took a minute and then the door opened. I was expecting Edward but it was Esme and she was surprised to see me.

"Jasper," she said smiling. "Are you here to see Edward? He said that you were coming to dinner but I saw that you couldn't make it. He's in his room," she said letting me in and closing the door. I took off my muddy shoes and left them in the hall before going up to Edward's room.

I knocked on his door but no one was answering. Maybe he was asleep? I opened the door and no one was in there. But I noticed that his closet was open. He was in that secret room of his, I guessed. I quickly made my way into the dark stairway and to the door at the top. My stomach was a bundle of nerves as I opened the door.

He was sitting in a chair curled up with pajama pants and a T-shirt on. He was also scribbling in his notebook furiously as he listened to the iPod, which was stuck in his ears. I closed the door behind me and went over to him without him noticing. I tapped his shoulder and he jumped in the chair.

"What the fuck, Jasper?" he yelled as he tried to calm down.

"I didn't mean to scare you," I mumbled. He scoffed at my words.

"Sure. Did you want something?" he glared at me. His eyes were rimmed with red. Was he crying? I was about to ask when he cut me off. "Why the fuck couldn't you answer my calls or show up? If you didn't want to fucking come over you could have just said so," he said loudly, his eyes cold. He was mad and I hated that it was because of me.

"Edward, please let me explain," I begged him. I couldn't lose him because of this.

"You don't need to. You know where the door is," he told me putting back in his earbuds and going back to his writing. I turned to leave. He wouldn't even fucking let me explain. How the fuck was I supposed to know that I was going to get grounded? I was about to leave when I marched back over to him. He didn't look up even though I was standing right next to him. Then I grabbed the iPod away from him. That got a response.

"What the fuck? Can't you just leave me alone?" he growled. I shook my head and he crossed his arms. He wouldn't look at me and there was a scowl on his face.

"Edward, I couldn't come over because I was _grounded._ My mom found out that I was gone last night and she took away my phone so I couldn't call. I'm so fucking sorry, Edward. Please, let me make it up to you. Anything, just please don't be mad. I didn't know that this was gonna happen," I was helpless as I tried to ease his anger. I needed to make him see why I couldn't come. I wanted to tell him how badly I needed him, but I thought that was pushing it too far.

"How are you here now?" he asked quietly still turned away.

"I snuck out," I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He turned so he was facing me. There were tears in his eyes. He stared at me for a moment and then those tears started falling.

"I thought….I thought that you didn't want to be here. Fuck, I'm so stupid." He put his head in his hands and sobbed quietly.

"I always want to be here…to be around you. You make everything so much better," I whispered. He got up from his chair in a rush and then his arms were around me. I was frozen for a minute from his unexpected hug. Then I finally hugged him back and he sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry I yelled at you," he said into my shirt.

"It's okay," I told him. He nodded and continued to hold me. I felt him sigh and step away from me. He started to wipe his face off with his hands. He chuckled to himself and I looked at him like he was nuts. He went form crying to laughing just like that?

"Sorry, I'm being so fucking emotional. I feel like a girl with PMS," he laughed and I smiled. "So are we still friends," he asked becoming serious again.

"Duh," I rolled my eyes and he smiled again. I started for the door. I should leave before Peter or my mom happened to wake up. "Where are you going? Please stay," his face fell and he looked on the verge of crying.

"I can't," I said quietly and I saw him bite his lip and close his eyes trying not to cry.

"Stay, for me," he choked out his eyes still closed. I felt like crying at his words. He wanted me to stay. So much that he was begging. I wanted to, but I needed to leave before they found I was missing. It was only eleven though so I figured a little time wouldn't be too much.

"Only for a little bit," I said and he looked a little better. He nodded and we went to his bedroom.

"Can you stay until I fall asleep?" he asked his eyes looking down at his bed.

"Yeah," I said and he laid down. Did he want me to lay with him? Did he just want me to sit on his bed?

"Lay down with me?" he asked. I jumped in on the side of him and he moved so that way his back was pressed against me. I wondered if he would get mad if I spooned him. I always loved to be spooned when I was upset or trying to fall asleep. I moved so I was curled around him. He sighed and backed closer to me. He settled down and I thought he was beginning to fall asleep when he reached and grabbed my arm so that way it was on his hair. Should I run my hands through it?

My hands decided that on their own as they began to move through his bronze locks. He sighed again and I felt him relax more. I nuzzled my face closer to his hair so that way I could smell him. He smelled like his soap and sweat and everything else Edward. I felt his breathing even out and I knew he was asleep. It was almost one now and I really needed to get back. I moved my hand out from over him and sat up. Fuck, I wanted to stay so badly.

I was about to get up when I leaned down and pressed my face into his hair and breathed him in. Fuck, if he knew what I was doing he would be so fucking shocked.

I left his house quietly and made my way back to mine. No one was up so I got into bed and fell asleep. All my dreams were about Edward.

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Ever since that one night things became a pattern. School. Edward's. Home. And nights that I desperately needed him I would sneak out and go to his house. My grounding only lasted barely a week. I would tell my mom where I went on the weekends but she wouldn't remember. Fuck, after that one day things got steadily worse basically. Our rent was late and things weren't looking good. But every dollar we made went to booze. It was sad. Demetri was around even less than my mom was. But what was worse than all of those things were the nights that were bad and I couldn't do anything but text Edward. Those were the nights that killed me.

It was one of those nights that night. I was at home in my room. A party was going on down stairs and I could feel the pounding of the music through the floor. We had just barely made enough to pass as rent and now they were blowing the little we had left. It was Saturday night and Edward still hadn't called. He always called me first these days, and every time his name would light up the screen on my phone I would smile. I was too far lost in him to ever find my way out.

So there I was waiting for his phone call and sketching in my book. I was drawing his bronze hair that smelled so good. I sketched for hours waiting for my phone to ring. It never did and I felt broken. I turned off my light and got in my covers. I lay there listening to the obnoxious drunks downstairs and tried to fall asleep. It was one in the morning though, and I knew the party in my house wasn't going to end any time soon. I was almost asleep when my phone rang. I grabbed it off my nightstand and answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Jasper, this is Emmett," he said from the other line. What the fuck was Emmett doing with Edward's phone? "Listen, I know it's late but I need your help here. We went to this party and Edward's drunk and he keeps asking for you. Can you come over?" he asked me. Edward was drunk? A party? Since when did he party?

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," I told him and closed my phone. I got out of bed putting on jeans and a shirt. I grabbed my hoodie, keys, and phone and locked my door to climb out my window. I got my bike out of the garage and headed over there.

I was there in no time and knocking on the door. Emmett opened the door and let me in. We both went into the livingroom to find Edward there.

"Jasper!" he slurs and he lunges himself at me. "You came! Fuck, I needed you so bad," he half slurred in my ear. I was trying to hold him up. Emmett was giving me an apologetic face as I looked at him over Edward's shoulder.

"It's okay," I repeated over and over to him.

"Maybe we should get him in bed," Emmett suggested. I nodded and we half carried him to his room and laid him on the bed. "Can I talk to you? Alone?" he whispered to me as we watched Edward on the bed. I nodded. "Go to sleep, Eddie," Emmett said to him.

"NO! I won't fucking sleep without Jasper! I NEED him!" he yelled and I felt my stomach twist. He said he needed me. He wouldn't sleep without me. I tried to keep the goofy smile off my face.

"I'm just going to talk to Em for a minute, okay," I said to him as I rubbed his arm. He smiled drunkenly.

"You come back to me pretty boy," he called as Emmett and I left the room. I walked him downstairs and we were at the front door.

"I'm sorry for making you come here; I just didn't know what to do. HE didn't even want to go to the party. All he wanted was you," he told me with a curious look.

"It's alright, I was up anyway," I said ignoring the last part. I didn't want him to accuse me of anything. Edward was just drunk; he didn't know what he was saying.

"I'm worried about him. I mean, ever since he's met you he's been acting strange. But, in a good way. Happier," he said. I nodded and he shifted awkwardly before saying goodbye. I locked the door and turned off the lights as I went. Where the fuck were his parents anyway?

I went back upstairs to see Edward staring at the ceiling. He smiled when he saw me.

"So are you staying the night, pretty boy?" he asked me with a smirk. What the fuck was with this 'pretty boy' thing?

"Yeah," I said. "So why don't you change?" I asked him. I watched him struggle with his close and tried not to laugh at his efforts. He was so funny when he was drunk. I went over and helped him take off his shirt. Then I pulled of his pants and I heard him groan. Did I hurt him or something?  
"Fuck, Jasper. You make so damn hard I can't even think straight…" he slurred touching himself through his boxers. "God, I fucking want you all the damn time," he said as he closed his eyes. He was drunk, I kept telling myself. He didn't mean any of this. But, I couldn't help feeling desire at his words.

I started taking off my clothes hurriedly and I was almost done when I noticed him watching me with dark eyes.

"So fucking sexy," he moaned and I felt his words go straight to my cock. I finished up quickly and I just knew that my face was red. I slipped into the bed beside him, but far enough away so that way we weren't touching. "Why are you so fucking far away he asked?" and scooted closer to me. I was lying on my back so he rested his head on my chest. He pulled the covers around us and nestled into me. "I'm so fucking glad you were here, pretty boy," he mumbled.

I sighed. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I hated seeing him wasted, I mean I could see that shit at home. I wanted him to be my Edward. I wanted him to mean the things he said to me. I knew that he would never say them anyway.

I woke up to Edward laying half on top of me with his head on my shoulder. I still couldn't believe those crazy ass things that he said last night. I slipped out from underneath him and went to the bathroom. I didn't want him to feel weird when he woke up. Fuck, I didn't even know if he remembered that I stayed the night. But, I knew that the hangover that he was going to have when he woke was going to be a bitch.

I looked through his medicine cabinet for some painkillers and got him a glass of water. I had done this plenty of times for my mom. I brought them back in the room and set them on his bedside table. I stood there watching him sleep curled up next to my pillow. It scared me how much I wanted him to mean those things last night. Fuck, what he said was just about the same way that I felt about him.

I crawled over to him on the bed and shook his shoulder. He mumbled something in his sleep and I smiled and shook him again.

"What?" he mumbled flipping over and looking at me. "Fuck, head, Fuck," he mumbled closing his eyes again.

"Here," I said giving him the water and the painkiller. He drank it greedily and flopped back down on the bed.

"What the fuck happened?" he asked me his hands rubbing his eyes. Did he remember what he said last night? I bit my lip and looked away.

"Emmett called me up at about one in the morning and said that you were drunk and he needed help. I came over and we got you in bed and I stayed the night to make sure you were okay," I said skipping the part with all of his comments in it. My face was red and I tried to hide it from him.

"Is that all that happened?" he asked giving me a weird look.

"Yes," I answered quickly, maybe too quickly. He just nodded with far away eyes. I pulled on my jeans and buttoned them up.

"Thanks for staying the night," he said quietly. I nodded and went into the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and tried to get a hold on myself. I walked back out into his room to see that he was dressed and was sitting on his bed with a worried expression on his face.

"What's the matter?" I asked him. He looked up at me with accusing eyes.

"Something else happened last night didn't it?" he asked. I knew he was only fishing but I couldn't help nodding. Part of me wanted him to know what he said. I wanted him to say that he meant it.

"You said something," I muttered quietly. I was suddenly reluctant to tell him. Fuck, what if this went all wrong? What was I supposed to do without him?

"Tell me," he said his green eyes directed at mine. Don't do it, my brain kept repeating. "Please, please tell me," he begged. I sighed. He should know; he needed to know.

"Well, you kept calling me pretty boy for one. You also said that you wouldn't go to sleep without me," I said trying to not tell him about the other things.

"And?" he asked his jaw tight.

"You said that I made you hard and horny and you called me sexy," I blurted quickly hiding my face from him. I didn't want to see his reaction. Fuck, he wasn't saying anything. Was he mad? Did he want me to leave now? I heard him get up and the bathroom door slammed.

Fuck my life. Tears came to my eyes and I felt rejection washed through me. I fucking knew that this was going to happen again. I should have never gotten close to him in the first place. I always knew that I was going to get hurt again. I left his bedroom and walked to the front door. He didn't want me. He didn't need me. He didn't care about me. For the millionth time I felt my heart break

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	6. Chapter 6

**This is kind of late but I had a TON of things going on in the last couple of weeks. I might not have a regular updating schedule since I'm in school now but I should be updating around every one to two weeks. Also thank you tremendously for the reviews last chapter! YOU GUYS ROCK! And thanks for the support of my beta dancingwithEdward. **

**Check out my updated profile if you want to know anything about me. And if you are looking for a BETA I am accepting stories so send them.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, but the plot is :)**

* * *

The pain was staggering in my chest. I tried to think about anything but him. I couldn't believe I had fucking let this happen again. But, how was I supposed to be invulnerable when he was so good to me? How was I supposed to know that he would hurt me like every other time it happened? You stupid fucking idiot. Whenever I was finally happy there was always something there to put me back in my place again.

Tears of anger and regret and hopelessness ran down my cheeks, but the pouring rain hid them well. Why did he have to affect me so fucking much? Why couldn't I just forget about him and move on? Oh, that's right, because I am the dumbass that fell head over heels for him. And boy did I fall hard. Sobs shook through me and I tried to focus my attention on getting home. That's when I heard it.

"Jasper!" he yelled repeatedly as his feet slapped the pavement. My heart stuttered as I heard him. What did he want to tell me to my face that he didn't want me? I turned around and stopped walking letting the pouring rain drown me. Besides, what more could he hurt me? "Jasper," he gasped again. "Please, let me explain." I just nodded at him and watched as he tried to catch his breath. Once he was breathing normally again he looked up at me.

"Jasper, I'm so fucking sorry. I was drunk and I didn't mean those things. Please, I'm so sorry. Just, come back. Please, come back," he said wiping tears off of his face. He looked so hopeless, maybe even more than I did. I knew that he didn't know what he was saying the night before, but that wasn't what I was mad about. He _left_ me standing there and slammed the door. That's what hurt me.

"It's okay," I mumbled trying to force a smile for him. He wanted me back; he didn't want me to leave. He never meant for any of this to happen. That's all I really needed to hear. But, remembering the slam of the door made me want to tear up again.

"It's not okay. Fuck, you still look upset. Please, Jasper, you don't know how sorry I am. Tell me how to make this right again," he pleaded with me, his green eyes rimmed with red.

"Edward, I'm not upset about what you said to me. It's just….when you went into the bathroom…I thought that you were mad and wanted me to leave," I said shakily. I hated him for making me feel this way. Vulnerable, open, lost, but at the same time comforted, protected, _loved_. I watched his green eyes pop open wide. He reached for my arm; I didn't pull away. I chided myself for how much I fucking wanted his touch.

"I never wanted you to leave, Jasper. I ran to the bathroom because that's what I do when the problems get too much for me. I ran away because I was scared about what you were going to say about the things I said last night. I didn't want you to hate me. I was confused. I _am_ confused. I don't know what to fucking think anymore," he said his hands moving through his hair rapidly. _That's_ why he ran away from me? He thought _I_ was going to mad. What if I fucking told him that I felt the same exact way about him? What would he do then?

"Edward, I can't hate you. You're too good to me," I said honestly. But, just because he was confused didn't mean he wanted to be with me too. Fuck, I knew what he felt like. I thought I was completely straight until I found out I was attracted to him. He was the _only_ thing I wanted and I doubted that it would ever change.

"How the fuck am I good to you? I hurt you time after time. I'm lucky enough that you're even talking to me right now," he mumbled looking down. His fists were curled at his sides. Why was he blaming himself? This whole thing was so fucking screwed. I quickly took the few steps to him and wrapped my arms around him. He just stood there, frozen and soaking wet. Why wasn't he hugging me back?

"Fucking hug me back!" I said angrily. When he didn't move I moved so that way my mouth was at his ear. "You will always be the best thing that ever happened to me," I whispered to him. "You've helped me more than you'll ever know." I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer. He sobbed into my neck and I held him tighter.

"Please come back," he choked out against me and my heart lurched again with want. I wanted to go back with him, but I couldn't. I pulled away from him and I saw him look down.

"I can't, Edward," I mumbled. He just nodded. "I snuck out so that way I could help you, and I could get grounded again. Trust me, I would go back if I could," I tried to reassure him. He looked up with a little more hope in those mesmerizing green eyes.

"So you can't stay the night again?" he asked his eyes sad once again. I didn't know if I would be able with getting out two nights in a row. But I _needed_ him; I wanted to spend any time at all with him. I had an idea…..

"Maybe you could spend the night over my house? I mean, my mom will be partying but we could hang out in my room…." I suggested. I glanced at him and saw him smiling, A real smile.

"Really?" he asked.

"Any problems with climbing in windows?" I joked and he shook his head with a little laugh. I smiled back at him and tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach. This wasn't a fucking date. This was just Edward spending the night…in my house…and possibly in my bed. Fuck yes.

"What time do you want me over?" he asked still smiling.

_Anytime_

"How about nine or so? Is that okay?" I asked a bundle of nerves. He nodded his head. "I'll see you," I said as he began to turn away. I saw something flash in his eyes and then he was hugging me again. His nearness was making me overcome with desire. All I had to do was lift my head and my lips would meet his….

"Thank you," he whispered his hot breath making the hairs on my neck stand on end. And my cock too. Then he pulled away from me and started walking away. I was about to head down the block to my house when he turned around and smirked at me. He was such a fucking tease. And he didn't even know it.

I walked home quickly with a smile on my face. I made it home in record time and opened the door. As soon as I opened the front door I paused making sure that everything was undisturbed. I didn't want my mom to wake up and find out that I had been gone. Once I figured that it was okay to go on, I started on my way to my room. I was just passing the living room when I saw _him_ on the couch.

He was blonde and his face was scruffy and turned towards the couch. The rest of him was covered with a blanket. Fuck, why did my mom have to let people stay over? I slowly crept by him and tried not to make a noise.

"You have to be quieter than that, son," I heard a voice coming from the lump under the blanket. I jumped and looked at him startled. His bloodshot eyes were blue and he definitely looked like he just woke up from a party. Just like all the other ones who stayed at the house.

"You're not gonna tell are you?" I asked. That was the only thing I cared about. He just smirked.

"Nah," he smiled at me. "I was once your age, too." He said smiling lazily.

"Thanks," I muttered and made my way to my bedroom. I sure hope he wouldn't tell my mom. Who the fuck knows what she would do this time? I didn't want to be in even more trouble. I sighed and went inside my bedroom and closed the door. I changed into my pajamas even though I was too hyped up to go back to sleep. Just thinking about my bed made me think about that that night Edward would be here. I smiled to myself like the idiot I am. Put on me to fall head over heels for your best friend of the same sex. I laughed feeling weightless. Nothing could touch me at that moment. Nothing. I was invincible because I still had Edward. I had happiness. For once I had hope.

* * *

Although that day got off to rocky start, it was comparatively worse at home as the day went on. Mom and Peter woke up about one and the blonde- haired man left. Then it started over again. It was about three when their friends started arriving. It was more than was usual for us and I ended up being in the middle of it.

I was sketching in the screened- in porch in our backyard. That's when they started showing up. I had no fucking clue why they had to party in front of me. But they did. I didn't want to leave though. I loved that porch and they weren't going to force me to go away in my own fucking home. So I sat there and endured the cigarette smell, the yelling, and the booze. That's when I was interrupted, at least more than I already was.

She looked about thirty and she had bright red hair and the most unnerving brown eyes. But, what you noticed most about her was the lines in her face and the discoloration of her teeth. Her bloodshot eyes making her stand out as an avid partier. She might even be pretty if she didn't do that to herself.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked me trying to look over my shoulder. I shrugged and tried to hide the drawing from her. I was doing another sketch of Edward's eyes. I loved his fucking eyes. They were the best thing about him. Besides his hair, his stomach, his hands his….stop. Fuck, please don't get hard.

"Drawing," I said trying to say something, anything, to get her away from me. Didn't any of these fuckers know how to leave me alone?

"Can you draw me?" she asked. I looked at her and saw that she was making an attempt to be sexy. Was she fucking hitting on me? This can't be fucking happening.

"Uhhhh…." I said not knowing what to say to her.

"It's not like I have to be naked or anything, but if you want it that way we could do that too," she flashed me a grin. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

"Umm, one minute okay?" I said quickly and grabbed my things before making a beeline to my mom.

"I'm gonna go to the park. I'll be back in an hour."

"Okay, sweetie," she said. She probably didn't even hear a fucking word I said. I made my way out of the porch as fast as I could before the red-haired woman found me. I needed to get out of this fucking place. I couldn't believe that she fucking hit on me. She was twice my fucking age! Ughh, I shook my head in disgust. I dropped my things in my room and walked to the park. I pulled out my cell phone and saw that Edward would be coming over in half an hour. I didn't really want to go home that soon so I texted him.

**Meet you at the park, okay?**

I waited for his response. I couldn't help that dorky smile that lit my face when my phone buzzed.

**Okay :) **he texted back and I smiled even wider.

I went to the swings, my absolute favorite thing about the park. I was scared of heights but I loved having the wind in my hair and the feeling of being free. Weightless.

That was until I heard my name being called.

"Jasper!" she said effectively ruining my good mood. Nothing had been good with her, well except for the sex but that doesn't matter. I stopped swinging and looked at her. She looked the same as always…beautiful. But there was something about the way she was looking at me that I didn't understand.

"What?" I asked her. I didn't have time for her stupid games. She sighed and sat on the swing next to me.

"Jasper, I want to apologize," she said quietly. Apologize? Her? She fucking laughed in my face when she broke up with me. Since when did she have any regret?

"Just save it okay," I said coldly looking the other way from her. I thought that she would just leave, but she was still sitting there. It bothered me. A lot.

"Please, Jasper, I'm so sorry. For what I did to you and everything. I was selfish and cruel and I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, baby, and I want to be with you. I'm sorry for everything," she whispered and I glanced over at her. She was crying. Not once did I ever see her cry. She looked like she was vulnerable, human, and completely faking it.

"Great, I'm glad you're sorry," I said sarcastically. I watched her tears come faster and I regretted it. What if she really fucking meant it? But what if she didn't.

"Alice, I loved you, fuck even part of me still does. But you hurt me more than you could ever imagine and I just can't go back and go through that again. You can't just apologize and have my trust back," I told her. I really didn't want to see her cry even though she treated me worse than I was doing to her. Hurting people just wasn't me.

I glanced away for a moment and then I heard the swing she was on move and she was in my arms. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby," she sobbed into me and I held her even though I knew I shouldn't. I just nodded into her hair and breathed in her scent. Then she looked up at me with her tearful eyes and running makeup and kissed me.

It wasn't like how our kisses used to be; it was more soft and gentle. I wanted to push her away, I really did, but I couldn't. I felt her need emanating in waves. She fucking wanted me and I felt myself start to harden. Alice noticed and started rubbing against me.

Edward, my mind said. Fuck, I couldn't do this. He was the fucking one I wanted, not her. But it felt so good to have something touching and rubbing against my cock other than my own hand. I fucking needed to cum. But then Alice started moaning against me and all I wanted to do was push her away.

She started kissing my neck and it drove me crazy. I fucking loved when my neck was touched, and kissed. It fucking turned me on so bad. I thought about Edward doing that to me, and a moan escaped me.

"You're so fucking hard, Jazz," she moaned. I can't fucking do this. But I needed to get off. Ughhh, a groan escaped me. I kept thinking of Edward and all the things he could do to me while Alice was pressed against me. I know it was wrong, but I desperately needed to cum. Then I heard _his _voice.

"Jasper?" I heard him. Alice turned to look at him and I felt my face go up in flames. I gently moved her so she was off of me. Edward was just standing there staring at the two of us. I couldn't look at the hurt in his eyes. "Alice?" he asked turning to her.

"Listen, I'll talk to you some other time okay?" I asked her. I didn't want to talk to her and she probably knew it, but she just nodded and left. I watched her until she disappeared into the darkness. And then it was only Edward and I. "I'm sorry," I mumbled and looked at the ground. I didn't want him to see any of that.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he smiled a tiny smile. "But are you back together now?" he asked curiously. He was biting his lip and it was making me even hornier than I already was.

"No," I said looking right at him and I saw relief in his eyes.

"Good, I just didn't want you to get hurt again," he said softly. My heart pounded faster at his words. He fucking cared for me; it filled me up with so much warmth it was unbelievable.

"Were you still coming over?" I asked him. I would understand if he just wanted to go back to his house after what he seen me do. Fuck, he broke up with Alice because she hurt me, and there I was pawing all over her at the park.

"Duh," he said smirking at me and showing me the bag that he was carrying. I just smiled and led the way. But before we went I had to make an adjustment in my jeans. "Did you want some help with that?" he laughed and I rolled my eyes at him. He just snickered some more.

I began getting more and more nervous the closer we got to my house, and Edward could tell that I was on edge. I just knew that my mom was going to do what she always did- party. I didn't want him to see that. Fuck, I didn't want it to happen in the first place.

"If you don't want me to stay over I can just go home," he said quietly next to me.

"I don't want you to go, but I'm not sure you'll like what you see, or hear," I said shamefully. I wanted a normal family that didn't stay up all night and party. I wanted something normal. But more than all those things I wanted Edward which was why I was letting him come over even though things weren't the greatest there.

"I know things are bad, Jasper, but I would rather be there with you than to have you go through it alone," he said his green eyes staring back at me. I felt a lump in my throat as I nodded. It was my way of saying "thanks" without falling to pieces.

You could hear the music playing in the basement as soon as you set foot on the front lawn. You could also hear the yelling. It was pretty awful when the whole entire neighborhood knew what was happening in your own house. I went over to the left side of the house where my bedroom window was. Thank God, I had a bedroom on the first floor. I quickly moved up the screen and climbed in. I flipped on a light so I could see Edward.

He was down there, about four feet, and staring at the window.

"Want some help?" I smirked. He was an athletic kid; this should've been easy for him. I watched as he pulled himself up and through the window. I thought he was finally in when he crashed to the floor with a loud thud. His green eyes were wide as they stared back at mine. Then I cracked up.

I was doubled over with laughter while he scowled at me. He just looked so fucking cute and adorable I couldn't help myself. And his face…..I laughed some more and I watched as he sat on my bed and waited for me to get it together.

"Yeah, very funny. Now why don't you go take a shower and your problem," he said gesturing at my crotch which still had a noticeable bulge there. My face went bright red with embarrassment and he smirked at me. I grabbed a few things before leaving my room and heading for the shower.

I let the hot water run over me and I felt myself relax, that is every part except for my cock. Why the fuck couldn't it calm down? And what did Edward think now? I sighed thinking about him. And the more I thought about him the harder I got. My hand moved to grasp my dick and moved upwards slowly. I hissed in pleasure of finally able to have something touching me.

All I could think about was Edward doing things to me. Sexual things. Fuck, it felt so good. I wanted him to touch me like this, to make me cum. I wanted to make him cum and scream my name when he did so. I wanted him so fucking bad…..I let out an uncontainable moan.

I was so fucking close that my arms and legs were shaking with my need to cum. I imagined myself walking out of the bathroom to see Edward waiting for me in my bed. He would see that I was still hard and he would caress me all over. He would bring me to the edge and I would call out his name. His green eyes would watch me as I came.

"Edward," I moaned leaning against the wall to hold myself up. I sure hoped that he wasn't standing outside the door listening. But, I was pretty sure he couldn't hear shit because of the music downstairs. I cleaned myself off feeling more relaxed than I had in a long time.

I know I should have felt bad about imagining Edward while I was jerking off, but I didn't. I smiled as I went back into my room to find Edward sitting in the middle of my bed. I looked away quickly from him and put my laundry in a pile. Fuck, he probably knew I was just jerking off. He just didn't know that I was fantasizing about him. I turned back around to notice that he wasn't even paying attention to me. He was looking at my sketchbook. The one I drew pictures of him in.

I came and looked over his shoulder. He was looking at the picture I had done of his eyes. I glanced at him to see his real eyes staring back at me.

"Is this me?" he whispered. I could see shock in his eyes, but there was definitely hope there too.

"You have beautiful eyes," I murmured trying to justify myself. I couldn't look at him; I was just too embarrassed.

"Thank you. I didn't mean to look at your drawings. I was just curious," he told me with a soft smile. Did that mean that he didn't think it was weird that I drew him? I smiled back. He set my sketchpad back down on the table and we sat in silence for a moment. You could hear the shouting downstairs.

"I would show you the rest of the house but…." I said trying to break the silence. He just nodded in understanding. He just rested his head back on the wall and closed his eyes.

I watched him guiltily. I loved how his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. I loved the muscular jaw he had and the veins popping out of his arms. He was just…everything I had ever wanted. Then he opened his eyes and caught me staring at him. I glanced away quickly. That's when the screaming started.

"Fuck you! Why don't you get the fuck out of my house?" I could hear my mom yell. Footsteps on the basement stairs and the creaking of the back door were heard after that. Everyone was leaving because no one wanted to watch them fight again. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment, and I couldn't even look at Edward.

"No," Peter said calmly. I don't know how he kept himself calm while she screamed at him.

"Just get the fuck out! I don't want you here!" my mom screamed again as they both stomped up the stairs. Their footsteps were louder now in the dining room.

"Please, Peter, just leave," my mom sobbed. I hated when she cried. It just made me feel so bad.

"I'm not going anywhere, honey," Peter said. I could almost see the smirk on his face.

"LEAVE!" she screamed and I glanced at Edward briefly. He looked shocked and hurt. His eyes were staring back at me, and I could take it. I couldn't take him feeling sorry for me.

"Shut the fuck up!" Peter yelled back at her and stomped across the floor. My mom sobbed harder. It was quiet for a moment. Then I felt something touching me. Edward. His hand was on my shoulder. I jerked back automatically and I saw the hurt in his eyes. I moved towards the other end of the bed and put my head in my hands.

"Please, just don't touch me," I gasped half choking, half-crying. Why the fuck was this happening to me. I grabbed my hair frantically and sobbed into my arms.

"Let's just go to bed, sweetie," Peter cooed to my mom.

"How the fuck are we going to pay rent? How am I supposed to get to work tomorrow?" my mom cried frantically.

"I don't know. We'll find a way."

"Sure. Just like you said last time," my mom snapped back.

"I didn't tell you to buy the fucking drugs," he said back.

"Yeah, it was all me. I get it." I heard her walk to her room and slam the door. I tried to force myself to calm down. Why did I have to freak out like this? It wasn't like I hadn't heard the same things before. And what must Edward think? Why the fuck didn't I let him touch me?

I lifted my head and wiped my eyes. Edward was staring at me with complete hurt on his face.

"Jasper?" he whispered brokenly.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed out. He just held his arms out. I scrambled across the bed in my effort to get to him. He wrapped me in his arms and I held on to him for dear life. He just held me tighter and I buried myself in him. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to him.

"It's okay. I know you were upset," he said and I could feel his breath in my hair. Then the lights went off in my room and there was a crack of thunder. I jumped.

"Fuck," I said roughly. I fucking hated thunderstorms. I hated seeing the lights flash in my room and the loud cracking that made me jump all the time. I looked up and I could see that Edward was staring down at me.

"You're scared of thunderstorms?" he asked and I nodded against him. He pulled me tighter to him and tucked my head into his chest so I couldn't see the lightening. "You like snuggling don't you?" he said softly. I nodded again, and if there were lights he would've seen me blushing.

"I like feeling close to someone. Being protected." _Loved_ was what I wanted to say.

"I like holding you," he said so quietly I could have imagined it. I felt my eyes water up. We laid in silence for a moment listening to the rain pound on the window. He moved his hands up to my hair. He started rubbing circles on my neck. I couldn't help but begin getting hard. I loved having my neck played with, and it was turning me on more than Edward knew. I knew he could probably feel my growing erection on his leg and that turned me on even more. He kneaded my neck deeper so I moved my head to the side so that way he could reach better. The tingles ran through me straight to my cock. Ughh, it felt so fucking good. I tried to stifle a moan in his shirt.

I pulled back before I started possibly humping him. His eyes were wide and I saw him glance down at my bulge in my jeans. My face flushed red.

"I'm sorry….It's just when my neck is touched…" fuck I didn't know how to fix this. I saw his face form into an "oh" and I moved further away so we weren't touching. We just sat there and stared at each other for a moment. "Do you ever think that our friendship is more strained than it should be? I mean, it seems like all we do is get upset and apologize," I blurted out. Where the fuck did that come from? Then the lights came back on.

Edward was staring at me. He looked nervous and his face was red.

"Our friendship is strained because I care a lot about you Jasper," he whispered. What the fuck did that mean?

"I care about you too," I said. He sighed and sat up so that way he was facing me.

"I mean I want us to be more than friends. I like you, Jasper. I like you a lot more than friends should." He fucking liked me! My fucking heart was pounding like crazy. I had been waiting for this and here I was still sitting there like a complete dumbass. "Please say something. I mean I know you probably don't feel the same way, but can we at least be friends?" his green eyes were hurt and rejected.

"Can you kiss me?" I asked him.

* * *

**Yes, I know I'm terrible. But leave a review and the next chapter might be posted sooner :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**OMG AN UPDATE! Well, I'm just going to let you get to it :D **

**Disclaimer: PLot's mine, characters aren't. **

* * *

I watched Edward's expression as he registered what I had just asked him. I mean, what if it was a mistake to ask him that soon? I watched Edward's face brighten and then I watched it fall.

"Wait, you like me too?" he asked. I burst out laughing, elated.

"No, I just ask all of my friends to kiss me," I smiled widely and watched him snort. "Yes, I like you too," I told him, "Maybe too much," I whispered.

I watched his green eyes light up and my heart soared. "How come you just didn't tell me. I mean I was fucking thing that I was way over my head in this. I thought maybe I was making myself see signs that weren't there. You have been driving me completely crazy. I think about you all the time. And today when I was so close to losing you for good I realized that I should just tell you," Edward's confession made my stomach flip. Could he possibly like me as much as I liked him?

"Yeah, I would've told you if I knew that you liked me. I thought that you were totally straight and wouldn't feel the things I feel for you," I said quietly.

"Well I fucking thought I was straight before too!" he laughed quietly and I cracked a smile. But I felt sort of sad. What if he got tired of me and went back to girls? Since he was obviously straight before didn't that mean he could go back just as easily. "What's the matter, Jasper?" he asked me. I sighed.

"I care a lot about you, Edward. I just don't want this to be something that you regret. You said it yourself that you thought you were straight. I don't want to get hurt when you really sort things out and realize that you may not be gay," I told him. I watched him crawl closer to me. I raised my head and looked at him.

"This isn't something I can change my mind on. I want you, Jasper. That isn't going to change anytime soon," he kept my gaze the entire gaze he spoke and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I smiled and I watched his mouth curve up at the corner. He reached out a hand tentatively and cupped my cheek. I closed my eyes and reveled in his warmth. "Jasper?" I heard him whisper nervously. I opened my eyes to see his green ones close to mine.

"Yeah?" I choked out.

"Is it alright if I kiss you now?" I watched his eyes move back and forth between my eyes and my lips. Fuck, this was really happening. Edward really wanted to kiss me. I nodded nervously and I watched him lick his lips. He started leaning closer and I did the same. His other hand moved so that way both of his hands were cupping my face. I closed my eyes and waited for his lips to graze mine.

The moment his lips touched mine I knew that this was what I had been waiting for. He kissed me so sweetly that I thought I would die. He was so gentle, so caring, that I felt like he was worshiping me. It was perfect and everything that I had ever hoped for. He pulled back slowly so that way he could look at me.

His green eyes were darker and there was a soft smile on his face. He looked so fucking adorable that I wanted to kiss him again. So I did. And it wasn't as gentle as kiss. It was passionate and I tried to put everything I couldn't say in it. That I was so scared of losing him, that I felt undeserving, that if anyone could truly hurt me it would be him because he had me so wrapped up in him. But I was also saying other things like how I couldn't believe that this was finally happening to me, how much I wanted him, how much I loved him. I ran my tongue over his lips and nipped gently but didn't try to go any further. I didn't want to move too quickly with him.

I ran my hands through his hair softly and secured his face to mine. I never wanted to let him go. Now that I finally had him I never wanted him to leave. Just then there was a knock at my door.

Edward jumped away from me and his green eyes were filled with panic. Fuck me.  
"Did you want me to leave?" he whispered. Leave? Never. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Then I had a brilliant idea.

"No. Get in the fucking closet," I said hurriedly as another round of knocking was heard. He chuckled at that and I wondered how he could think that was funny. I pushed him towards the closet and waited until the door was closed to walk to the door. I smoothed my hair down to tame it and tried to look calmer than I felt.

I cracked the door open to see my brother.

"What?" I asked him partly annoyed.

"What's your fucking problem man? I was just gonna tell ya that I was going over to Jane's."

"So what?" I asked him. Like I needed to know that. I knew I was only being impatient because I wanted to get back to Edward but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to have a little chitchat with my brother when I had an insanely gorgeous boy in my closet.

"You heard what happened tonight. If they happen to start up again I want you to call me if it gets any worse," he quietly. Well that fucking made me look like a jerk. All he wanted to do was make sure that I was safe. I nodded and looked away quickly. "Promise me? I don't want you to get hurt again," he said. I could hear how he thought that it had been his fault when it had happened.

"I promise," I told him. He pulled me into a hug. I tried to angle my hips away from him. Kissing Edward was getting me kind of worked up. He pulled away and smirked at me.

"I'll be back in a few hours," he said walking away, "And maybe you should take care of your..uhh…problem," he snickered. I flicked him off and went back inside me room and locked my door.

My face was bright red as I reached my closet and opened the door. Black. Where the fuck was Edward?

"Edward?" I asked. I really didn't want to go in there and hunt for him. I felt an arm pull me in and then I was wrapped in his arms. I sighed contentedly and laid my head on his shoulder. Fucking perfect.

"So what problem did you need to take care of?" I felt my face go hot and I immediately tried to loosen his hold on me. "What's the matter?" he asked and I knew that I was worrying him. I let him pull me closer so that way he could understand. "Oh.." he whispered and I broke away from him and went back into the light of my room. "Jasper," I heard him as he followed me out of the closet.

"Can we please just drop it okay?" I asked him. I felt like this entire night was like a fucking rollercoaster. I didn't want things to get screwed up any more than it already was.

"No, I'm not going to drop it. I don't want you to feel embarrassed because you want me. Fuck, I want you too, Jasper" I looked over at him to see his eyes blazing. How could he ever seriously want anyone like me? My face must've shown my skepticism. "What you don't believe me? Look at me Jasper. See how much I want you?" he gestured to the front of his pants where there was an undeniable bulge. I just shook my head in disbelief. "Jasper, I want you all the fucking time. I'm sorry you don't see yourself as being wanted and that you are ashamed of wanting me," I watched the blaze in his eyes die down to sadness. I felt my heart lurch and the words started pouring out of me.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't mean that I was ashamed of wanting you I'm just…embarrassed that I cant fucking control myself. It seems like every little thing you do turns me on and I end up being so horny all the time that its embarrassing. I just….I want you, Edward, and not just for your body. And it just gets so hard for me to control myself around you. So hard for me to stop touching you and wanting to feel you," I took a deep breath and continued. "It's hard for me to see myself as wanted….I mean…I just….you make me feel beautiful," I whispered the last few words. I watched Edward as I told him everything and to make sure that he knew that I meant every single fucking word. He reached out to run his fingers over my jaw and I closed my eyes.

"Because you are beautiful, Jasper," he said quietly and I opened my eyes to find his staring back at me. His eyes were watery like he was about to cry. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. I heard him moan softly as he moved closer to me. His hands moved to my hair and I groaned quietly against his mouth. I cupped his face tenderly and ran my fingers over his jaw and neck. He was the one who was truly beautiful.

Edward pulled away from me slowly but still kept his hand in my hair. "Thank you," I whispered to him. I knew that I was thanking him for much more than just calling me beautiful. I was thanking him for everything he had ever done for me and for wanting to be with me. He didn't say anything but gave me a soft kiss and smiled faintly.

"I'm sorry," he sighed as he slipped his hands out of my hair. I immediately felt empty without him touching me, and that scared the shit out of me. It wasn't good for me to become so needy so soon.

"For what?" I was the one who had been messing up the night that was supposed to be one of the best of my life. How many times did you have when someone you really liked told you that they liked you? Not a lot.

"For being so over emotional tonight. I mean, I had no clue of what to expect when I just blurted out that I liked you."

"Neither did I, but I think that things turned out as perfect as they could get," I smiled and I watched him smirk at me. "But you're right, I didn't think things would be so emotional tonight, but when has it not?" he laughed. I guess it was true though. All the up and down emotions between us had been happening ever since we met.

Things were quiet for a moment and I glanced over at the clock. Shit, it was fucking three in the morning.  
"Umm…did you want some pajama pants to slip in. You could sleep in your clothes if you wanted to but…." Why was I so fucking jittery and nervous? It was only Edward.

"Sure. That would be great," Edward chuckled at my nervousness. But how could I not be? I was going to be lying down with Edward in my bed. And this wasn't just some friendly thing either. This was different. Thinking about that made me think more about what we even were? Friends? I frowned as I tossed him the pants and turned around so that way he could change.

I listened to the rustling he made as he changed his clothes. I tried to make myself feel better. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin everything that had happened that night. But still, part of me felt like he wasn't taking this quite as seriously as I was. I didn't mean I wanted to go to Las Vegas and get hitched that night, but I wanted to know that he was mine or at least we were more than friends. I listened to him throw his clothes in a pile and walk softly over to me. He wrapped his arms around me from the back and I relaxed in his arms.

"What's wrong, Jasper?" he whispered in my ear. The hairs on my neck stood on end because of his closeness.

"Nothing," I said quickly trying to push my fears away. "C'mon," I grabbed his hand and led him to my bed. I glanced at him to see that he looked kind of nervous.

"I can sleep on the floor if you want me to…" his voice trailed off. I smirked at him. I guess I knew what it felt like to not know if it would be okay or not. It had happened to me plenty of times when I stayed over at Edward's house.

"No, you can sleep up here, with me," I told him seriously. I didn't want him to think that he wasn't wanted. "If you want to," I added quietly. He smiled softly and nodded. He crawled over to the other side of the bed and I got in after him. I quickly shut off my light and the room was engulfed in darkness.

Every cell in my body knew that Edward was lying less than two feet away from me. I was so keyed up and restless with nerves that I knew that I was making this more awkward than it should be. How many times had we done this same exact thing before? I swallowed and glanced over at Edward.

The light coming in from my shades was reflecting in Edward's eyes. I saw him lick his lips and I wondered if he was as nervous as I was. Fuck, why did this have to be so damn hard? I looked down for a minute trying to get a hold of myself. That's when I heard my sheets rustling.

My eyes darted up to see that Edward was scooting closer to me. Thank fuck. His eyes stayed with mine the entire time watching my reaction. He moved so that way he was pressed against me and laid his head on my pillow.

"What's wrong, Jasper?" he asked again. He wasn't going to let this drop was he? I sighed and resolved into telling him. I guess it would be better to get it out there instead of getting hurt later on. "Please tell me," he pleaded softly while his hand reached out to grasp my fingers. Instantly I felt better just from that little touch. Maybe he would understand.

"What are we, Edward?" I asked him. I watched his eyes cloud over in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Like are we still just friends? Or was this just casual? I mean I want to be with you but that's okay if you don't. I'll understand," I said everything too quickly but I was just trying to cover up my disappointment. I wanted to be with Edward more than I wanted anything in my life. I don't think I could stand just being friends.

"Jasper…I…" I watched as Edward tripped over his words and it was like my heart was breaking just a little bit already. I kind of wished he hadn't confessed anything to me because then I wouldn't be even more hurt.

"Don't worry about it, okay?" I told him softly as I reached up to touch his cheek. I saw the sadness in his eyes and mine began to tear up. Fuck. I rolled over and bit my lip to keep my emotions in. I wasn't going to fall apart in front of him for the millionth time.

I felt one tear stream down my cheek and I hurriedly wiped it off. Fuck, why did this always happen to me?

"Jasper," I heard Edward's voice. It was rough, almost like he was trying to keep back tears himself. I couldn't find my voice to say anything.

"Jasper," he said again as he touched my shoulder gently. I felt my body tense up. _Please don't fucking hurt me any more. I don't want this to happen again._ "Please, look at me," he pleaded. I really wanted to turn over and look at him but I couldn't. I couldn't turn over and risk hurting myself all over again. _But he's worth it._ "Jasper," I heard him growl and I willed myself not to move. It turns out I didn't have to.

Edward was suddenly on top of me pinning my hands down on the bed. Fuck, this aggressive side of him was kind of turning me on. No wait, how could I possibly be thinking about that when he had just hurt me? I turned my head away from him and refused to meet his eyes. That pissed him off even more.

I felt his hands on my face. He was being gentle with me even though he was mad. My face was turned towards him but I still didn't open my eyes.

"Fine, I'll just say it then," he growled but then he voice became much softer and he let go of my hands. "I want to be with you too Jasper." His words made my heart soar but I still couldn't find the courage to glance up at him. There had to be something.. "I just don't want to put a label on us right now, okay? Oh fuck, that didn't come out right. I'm scared, Jasper. I'm scared of hurting you and making mistakes. I don't want us to move so quickly. But I want you; I need you, Jasper. I can't lose you." His voice started cracking and he was choking on his words. "Please, say something," he pleaded with me. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? So he needed me but he didn't want to make us something more right now? How was that not supposed to hurt me? "I'll go, okay? I'm sorry.." He started moving to get off me and I grabbed his arm to keep him in place. I opened my eyes to meet his. Tears were falling out of his eyes and I instantly regretted not saying anything. Fuck, it wasn't like I wanted to break him. But did he know that he was breaking me?

"It's okay," I whispered. He shook his head fiercely.

"No it's not fucking okay. This isn't just some one-time thing with me. I want this. I want us. But I just can't do it now. But I want you to know that I'm yours, Jasper. I'm yours and no one else's," he said and I could hear the fierceness in his voice. I reached up and wiped the continuing tears from his face. He had completely no idea how much it hurt me to see him like this.

"So you want to be with me…you just don't want to jump right into it and make us official right?" he nodded and I smiled softly. I understood where he was coming from. I couldn't even truthfully say that I wasn't scared about how this relationship we had was going to end up.

"I'm sorry," he choked out and a new round of tears followed. I pulled his face down so that way I could press my lips to his. He let out a strangled cry and I tried to comfort him. I let my hands smooth over his jaw and neck and then back into his hair. I kissed him gently, softly and tried to tell him that I understood. He pulled away from me and looked at me. I don't know what he found after he was done searching my eyes but it seemed to make him feel better.

Edward moved off of me but lay so that way he was facing me. His hand traced over the features of my face. I watched his eyes but he wouldn't look at me.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered. I don't know if he was telling me that or if he was just saying his thought out loud.

"You deserve much more," I said under my breath. It was so fucked up how we thought that we didn't deserve each other. I didn't know what to say to him. So I moved closer to him. I slid down and placed my head on his chest. I pulled the covers up over us and snuggled into him. It took a moment before he slid his arms around me and held me tight. We lay there quietly and occasionally he would softly run his fingers through my hair. It was so sweet that a few tears slipped out.

I tried not to think about what would happen the next day. I didn't want to think about what would happen if things just went back to the way they were before. All I thought about was the fact that I was in Edward's arms. It didn't matter if things were fucked up at that moment because I had him.

I woke up having mixed feelings. I still didn't know what to think about the situation with Edward and I. Edward. I reached my arm out feeling for him. Dread came over me when I realized that all I felt was the cold sheets. I opened my eyes just to make sure that he wasn't there.

He wasn't, but there was still the shape of his head. What came first was the anger. I fucking punched my pillow where the shape of him was over and over. I couldn't fucking yell because it would wake up my mom and Peter and I was in no fucking mood to deal with any of them. But I was fucking screaming in my head. How the fuck could he do this to me? He said that he was mine but then he just fucking leaves? FUCK HIM! Fuck, how could I be so fucking stupid?

You fucking did it again Jasper. You fell hard for him and what did you fucking get? Nothing. Tears were falling relentlessly and I couldn't stop them. How could I let this happen again? I fucking did all I could to protect myself from being hurt again. But I know why I did it. I liked him too much possibly even….no I couldn't even think that. I wasn't ever going to say those three words to anyone again. Not after what happened with Alice.

Well what did you expect Jasper? The fucking boy told you that he wasn't ready to be something more. But he told me that he was mine. Didn't that mean anything to him?

I decided that I couldn't fucking pity myself anymore. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. Red eyes. Pathetic. But then something caught my eye in the mirror. My phone. Maybe Edward called me? My heart rose with hope as I went over and flipped my phone open. No messages. He really didn't care. I threw my phone on my bed and decided to just forget about it. If he could give up on us so quickly I wasn't going to sit here and think about him.

I started rummaging through my dressers to find some clothes. I was putting my pajamas in my laundry basket when I noticed the pair of pajama bottoms in there that I had given Edward to wear. Seeing that made it hurt even more. I grabbed my sketchbook, iPod, and phone and left. I just left. I couldn't take any more reminders of how Edward just disappeared. I needed to think.

I went to the place I always knew I could count on. The park. Then I remembered what happened the night before with Alice. Alice. Fuck, what if she thought that just because we were making out that we were back together? Ughhh. Why did this have to be so complicated? I guessed I would have to talk to her about it sometime. But not at that moment. I didn't think that I could take any more drama.

I sat underneath my favorite tree. It was the one that looked over the entire park. I pulled out my iPod and hit shuffle. Right then I just needed to lose myself in some other world. Deep down, I knew I was just trying to numb myself from the pain, but I didn't know what else to do. So I opened my sketchbook and just let my hands go.

I drew for hours just pouring my heart out. I tried not to think about anything just put myself into the music I was listening too. But the hurt that was deep inside of me was almost unbearable to ignore. Drawing helped. It was always my getaway. Everything could be taken from me and I would still be able to draw. It was the one thing that I could call mine.

I had to stop when I felt a familiar ache in my hands. It was time to quit. I took a deep breath and put away my pencils. I was ready to close my sketchbook when I finally glanced down at what I had drawn.

Edward, fucking Edward. I had drawn his fucking face and eyes and hair. Fuck, why did he have to do this to me? Why did I have to like him so fucking much? All I could think about was him and the hurt hit me full force again. I wrapped my arms around my knees and put my head down.

I don't know how long I stayed like that. I might've even passed out but I didn't know for sure. All I knew was the pain. I kept my head down. I knew I should probably get home before I was grounded again. Fuck, the last thing I needed was more trouble. I was about to get up when I heard the footsteps.

I quickly lifted my head. I hated how my heart rose when I saw him. It just proved how much I really needed him.

"I thought you would be here," Edward said softly standing in front of me. I didn't say anything; I just looked into his eyes. He didn't even look fazed at what he had done that morning. I got up and started reaching for my things. "Jasper, what's wrong?" he asked. I almost snickered out loud at his question. Shouldn't he know that fucking answer?

"Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that I woke up and you weren't fucking there this morning. Ring any bells?" I watched his face completely fall. I tried to tell myself that he deserved it.

"Jasper, let me explain," he pleaded and I just started walking away. "Jasper!" he yelled after me and I could hear him following. That's when I got angry.

"No, Edward! I don't want to hear your fucking excuses, okay. I get it," I said loudly.

"Jasper you don't understand!" he yelled.

"I understand perfectly. This was all some fucking joke to you! Well congratulations Edward you hurt me. Are you happy now?" My voice was beginning to break as I started moving away from him leaving him standing there with his mouth open and hurt in his eyes. I walked on home thinking that I would rather deal with the mess there than the mess with Edward.

Home was strangely quiet for only being around four. But as soon as I walked in I knew the reason. My mom and Peter were in their bedroom getting high. It was those times their friends decided that they didn't want to hang around and watch them do that shit. I couldn't blame them. Smoking pot was one thing but when you were in the bedroom snorting cocaine it was different. I welcomed the quiet even though I didn't like what they were doing. But if all they did was wander around the house peering out windows and having bugged out eyes I would rather take that than their damn parties.

I went in my room and closed the door. I really needed some one to talk to right then. I knew that deep down Edward was the one who I really wanted to talk to but I knew that that wouldn't happen. So I went upstairs to Demetri's room. I knew I could vent to him and he would understand. So I opened his door and I was shocked to see him and some girl fooling around on his bed. Both of their heads popped up when I opened the door.  
"Oh, umm, sorry," I said and started closing the door. I guess now wasn't the right time to explain my problems to him.  
"Wait, Jas, come in," I heard him say and I softly pushed open the door. The girl was smoothing down her hair and they were both sitting up. The girl had long blonde hair and blue eyes and she was pretty. Score one for Demetri. "Jas, this is Jane," he said proudly and I waved at her shyly.

"I should probably go," I said and Demetri shook his head.

"What did you want, Jas? I know you didn't come up here for nothing," his face was concerned. I never came up here unless I needed to talk to him about something that was bothering me. When we were little I would go up to his room and we would just sit there and talk for hours until we fell asleep. It was just him and me. Until we grew up. "It's okay, maybe Jane could help you too," he insisted.

I moved and sat cross-legged on his floor. What was I supposed to say? Should I tell him about Edward? Fuck.

"Well I like someone…" I started and I saw him smirk. "but things aren't really working out." He nodded and I felt like a complete idiot up there.

"Like what?" Jane asked.

"We both told each other that we liked each other. But this person doesn't really want to start going anywhere with it and I don't know what to do. I really really like this person and I'm just really confused right now…" I trailed off. Fuck, why was I so nervous? Why did I have to say really so many times? I almost burst out laughing.

"Go jerk off: you might feel better," Demetri suggested. Jane smacked him and he bit his lip to keep from laughing. Great, even he wasn't going to take this seriously.

"Jasper, just give her some time. I'm sure if she likes you that she will come after you eventually. Trust me, no girl is going to ever give up something that she can't live without," she said softly. Why couldn't I ever meet someone like her? Oh right, I did. But she was a he and he fucking hurt me. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

"You're really upset about this?" Demetri asked and he wasn't playing anymore. I nodded and he frowned. Demetri never liked to see me upset about everything. I was his little brother. But I knew that if I told him the real problem he would probably go get a bunch of his friends and hurt Edward. And as much as I wanted Edward to know how much he hurt me, I didn't want to see him get hurt like that. It would probably just make me feel even worse.

My brother got off the bed and came over to me and pulled me up. "Don't worry about it now. Give it a few days alright?" he asked. I nodded again. He hugged me lightly and then let me go. Jane smiled at me and then I went back down to my room. I closed my door and leaned against it

Maybe they were right. Maybe I should give Edward some time. But how did giving him time have anything to do with this morning? I mean he couldn't even leave a note or call me? I just felt like I wanted him more than he wanted me. We couldn't be together and want different things. I sighed, giving up. I went into the kitchen and scrounged up some food and went back into my room. I put on some music and just laid there and thought about everything. About Edward, about me, about life. So I fell asleep feeling hurt and wanting Edward.

The rest of my weekend was completely boring. I sat on my front porch and sketched most of the time. I was zoned out pretty much the entire time. I couldn't care less about the things that went on around me. I was numb. I couldn't feel anything anymore.

I was dreading school on Monday because of the one thing I didn't want to face. Edward. I knew that as soon as I saw him it would be like a kick in the gut. And then there was the fact that I couldn't sit with him at lunch either. And I also knew that every time I turned he would be there. I was right on both accounts.

As soon as I walked in the building it was like I knew that it was his eyes that I felt on me. I tried to ignore him the best I could but my body was aware of him there. Lunch was even worse than passing him in the hallways. I went back and sat at the table I usually sat at before Edward. I watched him get his food out of the corner of my eye. I could also feel him staring at me as he walked by to go sit with his friends. What would his friends think now that I was no longer sitting with him? I decided I didn't care what they thought.

The only part of my day that I was really worried about was my last period. Would Edward try to sit by me? Talk to me? I had no fucking clue what was going to happen. I didn't know how I was going to make it fifty minutes in a room with Edward.

I walked into my class and sat in my usual seat. I kept my eyes down and tried not to pay attention to who was walking into the classroom. Then someone sat in the seat next to me. I was afraid to look up and find out that it was Edward. So I glanced over there and sighed when I realized that it wasn't him. Maybe he didn't come to class. No, that would be too hopeful. Then the teacher called our attention to him. I looked up just to see that Edward was sitting across the room directly in front of me. Fuck, my stomach twisted as soon as I met his eyes. I looked away quickly. I didn't meet his eyes again for the rest of the hour but his eyes were burning a hole in me.

The bell rang and I sighed. Thank god it was over, I tried to tell myself but I knew that part of that was a lie. Some stupid part of me was kind of happy that I was able to see him today even if it did hurt me in the process. The things you do for love right? I was walking out of the classroom when I noticed that he was standing there leaning against the wall waiting for me.

"Jasper, can I please talk to you?" he asked quietly. I looked into his eyes for one brief moment and I thought that maybe I wasn't the only one being hurt by this.

"No Edward," I said as I walked by and headed for my bus. All during the ride all I could think about was if what I did was the right decision. Maybe I should've talked to him. I don't know. There wasn't any way that I could go back and do it again even if I wanted to.

I went home and saw that my mom was getting ready to go somewhere with Peter. They were both on their way to getting drunk and they were going somewhere? Well, it looked like I was going to have to go to. Things could go very badly if they went somewhere like that.

"So where are we going Mom?" I asked her.

"Wal-Mart, sweetie," she smiled. "Did you want to go with us? I could use some help getting groceries." I nodded and she smiled. We all piled into one of her friend's car and we were on the way. My mom and Peter had some vodka shoved into her purse so that way they could get buzzed while they were shopping. This wasn't looking good. We got there and I decided that I would catch up with them in a while. I went and looked over at the music. And then the books. Anything to distract me really.

Soon enough though I went back to my mom and Peter. You didn't have to look very far to find them. You could actually hear them a couple aisles away. Arguing. I prayed to god that it wouldn't turn into some full on fight in the middle of Wal-Mart. I got out my phone and texted Demetri to get there. I couldn't handle both of them myself. I got them cooled off for the most part. It was only around the time we were checking out that things got really bad.

"Why don't you just fucking close your mouth and buy the fucking food!" Peter screamed at my mom.

"All you care about is your fucking beer! Don't tell me what to do!" She yelled as she pushed the cart up to a counter. I fucking closed my eyes and pretended like I wasn't there. I must've blanked out for a minute but I was back at full attention when I heard Peter scream again.

"Shut the fuck up you bitch!" he yelled. I stepped in front of my mom.

"Don't fucking talk to her like that!" I said loudly and moved my mom out of the way. I watched Peter's eyes blaze. Oh fuck. His fist raised. Oh fuck.

I felt myself being shoved out of the way.

"Don't you ever fucking touch him!" I heard the person who shoved me out of the way yell. Wait. I fucking knew that voice. Edward.

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** Damn it, another cliffy. I hope that it was worth the wait. I'm really really sorry about how long it took for me to get this out. :( But I hope you all forgive me. Also, I am looking for a new beta so if any of you are intrested PM me. I'm hoping to get the next chapter out before Thanksgiving. I already have some ideas. And thanks a lot for all of the reviews and alerts. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! So tell me what you think :) :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello again, dear readers I am finally back with a new chapter. Sorry for the long wait on this one :( Hopefully *crosses fingers* the next update will be MUCH sooner. As always thanks for all of the alerts, favs and wonderful reviews...I can't thank you all enough! Thanks to PacoThePenguinShallAvengeMe for beta-ing this for me. ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer:Twilight is not mine. **

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For a moment everything stopped. Peter stared at Edward angrily as he breathed heavily. All I could think about was that Edward was there, and he was protecting me. Part of me was elated that he was there but the other part of me kept reminding me of the ever-present hurt. Now wasn't time to think about that now as Peter began yelling again.

"What the fuck did you just say to me, boy?" Peter yelled.

"You fucking heard me," Edward growled. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion after Edward spoke. I watched Peter's eyes become livid. He raised his fist. I was so fucking scared for Edward that I couldn't think straight. I just knew that I couldn't sit there and watch him get hurt, especially not because of me.

I shoved Edward out of the way as Peter's fist clipped my jaw. I was knocked off balance into the shelf behind me. The pain shocked the hell of me. I gritted my teeth and kept my eyes closed. All I could hear was Peter's heavy breathing in front of me. I braced myself for another blow that was surely to come. When it didn't I opened my eyes.

I felt like everyone's eyes were on me. Peter's eyes were angry and shocked, my mom's dazed. But I didn't give a shit about what they thought. I reluctantly raised my eyes to the one person who mattered. Edward.

Sadness, anger, pains were all I could see in those beautiful green eyes. I just couldn't take it any more. The stares were like holes burning into me. I scrambled to my feet shakily trying to find a way out. I moved past my mom and Edward who tried to hold me back. And I ran. I ran down the aisle and out the front door. Just as I was leaving Demetri was coming in. I just kept running until I was around the back of the building.

I leaned against the building and slid down. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around my legs. I lightly prodded my jaw just to feel a sharp pain. Fuck. My eyes started to tear up but anger was stronger than tears. How could they fucking do this to me? How could those people watching just stand and stare? Why me?

And why the fuck did Edward have to be there to watch it all? I never wanted him to have a front row show of my fucked up life.

Why did this have to happen to me?

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice that he was walking towards me. I didn't notice him until I could see his shadow close to me. I started to get up and tried to ignore the little stabs of pain.

"Jasper!" he called after me as I turned away from him and began walking away. "Please talk to me!" he yelled after me. I just shook my head and kept on walking.

It was only until Wal-Mart was a block away that I had to tell myself not to walk back there and talk to him. My heart desperately wanted to hear what he had to say, but my head said no. So I walked on and on not knowing where to go. I only walked about three blocks away when I realized that it was freezing cold outside. I wrapped my arms around me and tried to keep it together. Without the anger fueling me there was only sadness and hurt.

A car pulled up along side me and I heard a window roll down.

"Jasper, get in the car," I heard Demetri say. I looked up in surprise to see him. I sprinted to the door and jumped in. I was so fucking cold. I took one look at my brother and I was falling apart. In less than five seconds I was sobbing and crying. Demetri pulled me as close to him as he could. I just cried and cried. I hated falling apart like this in front of him. It made me feel weak. But he didn't go through all of the things that I did.

He let me cry for God knows how long. I finally moved away from him and wiped my nose on my sleeve.

"I'm so sorry Jasper," he said with tortured eyes. "I should've fucking been there and I wasn't." I couldn't say anything. Not even 'it's okay' because it wasn't. We both knew that.

"Can we go home," I croaked out. He nodded and we were on our way. I just wanted to sleep and not think about anything. But first I needed to put ice on my fucking jaw so it wouldn't look so bad in the morning.

We got home and, thankfully, my mom and Peter weren't back yet. Demetri offered to make me something to eat. I knew he felt guilty about what happened to me. He blamed himself for the things that happened to me. But who is to blame? No one asked for this life. I told him that I was fine and took some ibuprofen.

As soon as I was in my room I laid down on my bed facedown. I must've fallen asleep at one point because when I was jolted awake by the sound of loud laughter. Peter and my mom with their friends. They could come back here and laugh after all that had happened at Wal-Mart? They couldn't even ask me if I was okay? Listening to this was like a punch in my gut.

I hit my bed over and over with my fist. All I really wanted to do was scream but I knew that no one would care. No one would listen. I sobbed as I continued to pound into my mattress until something fell off my bed and crashed to the floor. I leaned over to see what it was. My sketchbook. Fuck.

I crawled off my bed and picked up my book. That's when I found the phone. It was black, expensive, and definitely not mine. Edward's. That's when the phone started blinking showing that there were two new voice mails.

I knew I shouldn't have clicked on anything but I had to. Then

his voice filled the room.

"Uhhh….Jasper….if your hearing this then you found my phone. I tried to call but my phone is on silent and you wouldn't hear it. I'll be by later if you don't find it. Anyway last night was perfect….I didn't mean to leave so early this morning…" Then the message cut off. Fuck. What was he going to say? I was torn in half about wanting to know why he left me. So I opened the second voicemail.

"About this morning….I didn't mean to leave so soon. Your mom and her boyfriend were screaming at each other but you were still out of it and I didn't want to wake you. I got scared Jasper. He wanted to get in your room and he threatened to kick down the door. I was in such a hurry that I dropped my phone so if you find it…."

I sat there for a minute in shock. I had the whole thing so fucking wrong. Fuck. I should've just heard him out but know I had to go assume shit. And I just pushed him further away. Even when he tried to protect me at Wal-Mart…..fuck, I officially screwed this whole thing up. I thought he had broken my heart but I was the one who broke my own. I bit my lip and tried to swallow the pain that I felt.

Outside my bedroom Peter and his group of friends burst out laughing. It was almost like they were laughing at me. Laughing at my failure, my pain, everything. I stood up and grabbed my jacket before I could talk myself out of what I was about to do. I put Edward's phone in my pocket and opened my window.

Once I was outside and a block away, I almost chickened out. How could he possibly want me after the way I had treated of him?

Isn't that what you deserve Jasper? I made myself keep walking. Even if he didn't want me he would want his phone back right? That's the least I could do.

But once I was at his front door I couldn't find the words to say. I couldn't make myself knock on the door. So I sat on his porch and tried to pull myself together. How was I supposed to look him in the eyes knowing that I ruined everything we had? My teeth started chattering as I sat out there in the cold. I was just about to get up when the front door opened.

"Sweetie, what are you doing out here?" I heard Esme's voice. I let out a breath I had been holding. A little part of me was hoping that it was Edward who opened the door. I stood up and turned around. I saw her face fall when she saw my face but then she quickly tried to hide it. "Come on in Jasper. Edward's upstairs," she smiled warmly. I nodded and went in trying to quiet my chattering teeth. I pulled off my shoes and I made my way upstairs to Edward's room. I stood outside the door for a moment trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

It's now or never Jasper.

I knocked twice and waited for an answer.

"Come in," Edward said. I opened the door and stepped into his room. I immediately turned around to close the door so I wouldn't have to face him for a few seconds. "Jasper," I heard him say softly.

I turned around. He was sitting in the middle of his bed with a thick journal and his iPod. His eyes looked tired and defeated. I hated knowing that I was mostly the blame for that. I moved forward digging his phone out of my pocket clumsily.

"Here," I choked out. I placed the phone on his bed and refused to meet those sad emerald eyes. I didn't know what else to do. "I-I heard your m-message. I was totally fucked up. I s-should've listened to you and I didn't. I-I'm sorry. I'm so s-sorry, Edward. I never meant to h-hurt you," I stammered out as the tears began to fall. Edward didn't say anything. "I- I s-should g-go," I stammered out as I fumbled towards the door. I threw open the door and ran as fast as I could in socks down the stairs. I made it to the front door and tried to put on my shoes. I couldn't fucking tie them because my eyes were so blurred with tears.

That's when I felt his hands with mine, but he was pushing my shoe off.

"You're not going anywhere," Edward said softly. I glanced up to see anger and hurt in his green eyes. "Go upstairs and wait for me," he told me quietly as he pulled me to my feet. Even through the pain and tears I could feel the spark from the simple touch of his hand on mine. How could he want me to stay after everything I had done? "Go, Jasper, I'll be right there," he said pushing me in the direction of the stairs. He wouldn't meet my eyes.

As I waited for him in his room I calmed down a little bit. My tears stopped for the moment and I was able to breathe again. Then Edward walked back into the room, and the sight of him almost made me begin everything again. He walked over to where I was sitting on his bed and crawled over to me. I was too ashamed to even look at him. Then I felt a shock of cold on my bruised jaw.

I glanced up to see that he was holding an ice pack on my face. Fuck. Why did he have to be so fucking perfect when I could never be? "Edward, I'm sor-" was all I could get out. He pressed a finger to my lips to quiet me. I know it was totally wrong to want him so badly at that moment, but I did. "Are you mad?" I asked before he could stop me. I know it was a completely idiotic question, but I just had to ask it.

"Frustrated, yes. Disappointed, yes. Hurt, yes. Angry, no," he said quietly. He was still sitting in front of me holding the ice to my jaw. I glanced up to meet his eyes quickly. Those green eyes looked so defeated that it fucking killed me. I did that to him. He was the one who looked away first, and I felt my heart sink. "But I also feel relieved and even a bit happy that you're here," he murmured so softly that I almost believed that he didn't say that. I felt the anger boil up inside me at myself.

"How can you fucking say that, Edward? I fucking screwed everything up!" I said, and Edward jumped away.

"What did you want me to do, Jasper? Scream at you? Like that's going to make anything better!" he told me just as loudly. Then his voice got really quiet. "I just want to make this work, Jasper. I really like you, and I have no clue what I'm doing. I kinda hoped that I wasn't the only one trying here."

Great. Now I fucked up even more. Why did I even have to open my mouth? Here Edward wanted to be with me and I just had to go say something.

"You're not the only one," I said meeting his green eyes. I felt better once I saw even the slightest bit of hope in his eyes. I looked down at the icepack resting in my lap. I nervously toyed with it in my hands until Edward stopped me. He grabbed my hand with both of his. I met his eyes again. We just sat there for a moment staring at each other.

I took that moment to

really look at him. He was wearing a black t-shirt with some band on it that I didn't know and a pair of jeans. He had dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in years. I hated knowing that I was the one that caused him so much pain. No apologies would ever fix that. I felt my eyes begin to water.

I felt Edward move his hands away from mine. I felt instantly cold without his touch. Just as I had felt his touch leave it was there again on my face. His fingers were gently ghosting over my jaw. His touch was so tender and sweet that it made me feel even that much more undeserving.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, Jasper. How in the world could you possibly think that I don't want you?" he murmured quietly as he continued to run his fingers along my jaw. I closed my eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were overwhelming me. "How come you just didn't let me explain?" he asked softly. I wished he would just yell at me because at least I deserved that. I deserved none of his kindness. I felt like I owed him an answer at least. It was really all that I could give him.

"When I woke up alone….I felt like you had left me like my dad, Alice, even my mom. I was alone….and I hated myself that I would let that happen again," I glanced up for a moment to see Edward's furious green eyes. "I promised myself that I wouldn't let anyone get close to me because then they weren't able to hurt me. But I broke that promise by getting close to you. You make me more vulnerable than you will ever know. You have the power to break me and that scares the hell out of me," I told him. His fingers stopped their restless traveling on my jaw.

I glanced up to see that there was still a hint of anger in his eyes.

"You're not the only one who is vulnerable here, Jasper. How do you think I feel? You're not the only one putting yourself out there to get hurt. But if you can't trust me how is this going to work then? You can't just run away when things get hard," he said. His words sparked some anger inside of me. How hypocritical of him! He was always the one running away when things got tough! If I could have run away I would have. You can't run from life.

"You ran away too, Edward. Don't blame this all on me. Maybe I could trust you if I knew you really wanted this. You just can't make empty promises and expect me to trust you," I said and tried to push him off me. He wouldn't move.

"What the hell do you mean 'empty promises?'" he asked.

"You said you weren't ready for this. To be together. But then you said that you were mine," I said softly. This had to get out there. I couldn't just be strung along like a lovesick puppy.

"And how is that an empty promise?"

"I don't have you," I murmured quietly. I just sat there letting those few words sit in the deafening silence. Then Edward got off the bed without looking at me and left the room. Great. Just fucking great, Jasper. So I did the only thing I could think of. I went after him.

I hurriedly made my way downstairs and peeked around corners looking for a glimpse of him. Fuck, where would he be?

I found him in the kitchen facing the sink. "Edward?" I asked quietly. He didn't turn around. "Edward, please talk to me," I pleaded with him. "I'm sorry," I blurt out. I would say anything just to have things back the way they used to be. It never used to be this hard between us.

"Don't say that," Edward spat out angrily turning around. I noticed that his eyes were wet and it took me a moment to realize that he had been crying. "You're right, Jasper. I promised you something that I might not be able to keep. But I promise I will try by whatever means necessary. You'll let me try, right?" he choked out. He looked so fucking broken it almost killed me. I just stood there stupidly not saying anything. Answer him, idiot! "That's okay," he whispered and left the kitchen. I stood there for a moment thinking. He promised he would try. Didn't that mean anything?

Fuck, I was going to fucking fix this once and for all. I wasn't losing him. Not this time. Not ever. I made my way after him with determination. Nothing was going to stop me. Once I got to his door my stomach flipped but I ignored it. I burst in his room to see him on his bed sitting with his knees up and his head in his arms. He didn't move as I walked over to the bed. I crawled over to him until I was sitting on my knees right in front of him.

This close to him I could see him shaking slightly. "Edward," I whispered. He shook his head. I reached out and gently threaded my hands in his hair. I felt him tremble at my touch. "Edward," I whispered again as I moved my hands so they were cupping his jaw. I lifted his head up but he kept his eyes closed. I felt my own eyes begin to water as I saw the tears slipping from under his closed lids. "Yes, you can try. I will try, too," I said softly. I watched his eyes pop open and search mine. He looked shocked and scared even a little doubtful. But what I noticed the most was the happiness in his eyes. I used the pads of my thumbs to wipe away his slowing tears.

"Jasper," I heard him murmur. I watched his lips as he said my name and I was a goner. I couldn't stop myself from what I was about to do. It was like my body had a mind of its own. One second I was sitting there and the next I was kissing him. It was kind of awkward since his knees were between us but I could hardly care. I was here, and I was kissing him. I felt him sigh in my mouth and pull me closer. His fingers threaded themselves in my hair and I let out a moan.

His knees dropped and I basically collapsed on him. He continued to kiss me back as I lay there on top of him. I felt his tongue along my lips and I opened my mouth to him. I swear his taste could have made me drunk. But at some point I needed air. I pulled away from him with a gasp but he continued to kiss along my jaw. That's when he moved to my neck.

I couldn't fucking take it. I moaned against him shamelessly. I was hard and panting in an instant. I knew it wouldn't be much longer until I started humping his leg like a dog in heat. He had me so fucking turned on that it was driving me nuts.

Stop. You're not ready for this.

He lightly nipped at my neck and my hips thrust against him.

Don't ever stop.

One of his hands moved to my lower back to press me against him. That's when I felt

it. He was so fucking hard against me. I gasped in realization. I made that happen. Me. All of a sudden I stopped moving and leaned away from him back on my knees.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" Edward asked frowning. I was too shocked to answer. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked quietly. I let out a short burst of laughter. Wrong? Fuck me, if he considered that wrong than I was surely going to hell.

"No. It's just uhhh….,"I stammered off. How the hell was I supposed to say this? "You're ummm…..hard," I said as my face went up in flames. I watched Edward smirk at me and snort.

"What do you expect?" he said laughing. "Seems like you're having a similar situation too," he smirked as he rubbed against my erection. I bit my lip in as I tried to keep in a moan. I watched his green eyes become dark.

Oh fuck.

He looked so fucking sexy right then that I basically attacked him. I caught him by surprise as my mouth collided with his. He let out a moan and I slipped my tongue inside his mouth. He fisted the back of my t-shirt trying to pull me even closer to him. He bit my bottom lip and my hips involuntarily bucked into him. He growled.

That growl put me into a frenzy. My hands fisted his hair and I fused my lips with his. His hips moved against mine and I felt like I was drowning in ecstasy. But then he moved his mouth from mine until it was next to my ear.

"Is this okay?" he asked quietly but I could hear the desire in it.

"Fuck, yes," I moaned as he started kissing and nibbling on my neck. "I want to make you cum, Edward. I want you to feel so good," the last two words carried on as a moan.

"So fucking sexy," I heard Edward mumble as he continued to lick and suck on my neck. I bet he knew that he was making me lose control.

Whimpers and groans started to come from Edward and I knew he was close. So was I.

"So…close," I gasped out between pants. Edward bucked into me even faster. I opened my eyes to see his dark green ones staring back at me with desire. It made me feel…..

wanted. Just seeing him looking at me like that brought me even closer to edge.

He bit down on my neck and I came. Hard. I moaned so loud that I should have been embarrassed. But I wasn't. No one had ever made me feel this good. My body shuddered with my release. But there was something else that I needed to do right then. I needed to see his face as he came. His moans became louder as he fell over the edge.

"Jasper," he groaned. His head was thrown back and pleasure was etched all over his face. Fuck me. That was so hot. I leaned down and kissed his jaw as his breathing slowed. "Jasper," he whispered this time as he wrapped his arms around me. He kissed me softly. I was so happy right then that it was almost unbelievable.

I was so content in his arms that I was positively sure that I could go to sleep even though there was a cooling, sticky mess in my pants. Edward wouldn't let that happen though. He pulled both of us off of the bed and drug me to his dresser. He gave me a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He smiled at me lazily and kissed me on his way to the bathroom. I sighed. Nothing could be more perfect.

I knew that part of my happiness came from the leftover high of what just happened. I also knew that we still had some things to talk about. I didn't know if I was ready to face them yet. I wanted things to stay like they were now.

I thought about that as I changed my clothes. I grimaced at the wet cum plastered to my skin. I wiped it off with my boxers and put on Edward's clothes. I couldn't help smelling them. I smiled to myself as I hurriedly put on the t-shirt. I jumped into his bed and waited for him.

My eyes kept closing by themselves no matter how much I wanted to keep them open. I was tired. Too tired. But I wasn't really asleep. I was in that weird stage where you're almost asleep but you could hear everything around you. I didn't hear him come in. I didn't even know he was lying in the bed with me until I felt his body press against mine. I sighed.

"Shit! I'm so sorry, Jasper," he said scaring the shit out of me. I must have jumped like ten feet but Edward didn't even notice. He was busy staring at my neck.

"What?" I asked. What the fuck was he apologizing for?

"I didn't mean to do it, I swear." Now he was worrying me.

"Do what?"

"I fucking marked you," he said. The look on his face made me crack up. He was apologizing for

that? Fuck, him biting me was the sexiest thing that had ever happened to me. He glared at me and I stopped laughing.

"It's okay," I said trying to reach his hand. "I actually kinda…liked it." I could feel my face heating up.

"Never thought you were a kinky one," he mused to himself. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Sorry. You really liked it?" he asked. I nodded and I knew my face was turning even redder. "You have no idea how much that turns me on," he said quietly. His green eyes had that dark glint in them again. I swallowed and he smirked at me. He had me wrapped around his finger and he fucking knew it.

"I also like it because it marks me as yours," I said quietly. He cupped my face in his hands while being careful with my bruised jaw. Then he kissed me gently, barely touching my lips at all. His hands ran through my hair, so softly that I could barely feel them. Then he pulled away as his fingers reached the mark on my neck. "Yours," I whispered so quietly that I didn't think he could hear it.

"Yours," he whispered back. My heart went fucking ballistic. It started beating irregularly just because of that one word. I was falling. I was falling harder than I ever had. I couldn't help smiling like an idiot. I just felt so damn good. Edward rested his head on my chest and for a moment we just laid there thinking. His fingers traced mindless designs over my stomach that I was intensely aware of. I sighed.

Edward pulled the blankets around us and he settled in close to me. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my head in his chest. My hand snuck around so that way it rested on his back. Never in my life did I ever feel this good. And it was all because of him. I fell asleep in his arms without a care in the world.

I woke up from the slight pain radiating in my back. I must've hit that damn shelf harder than I thought. I wanted to stretch but I didn't want to wake up Edward who was wrapped around me. His leg was thrown over my hip and his arm was around me. His head was buried under the covers into my chest. It was utterly adorable. My heart was still flying with what he told me. I know it was stupid that I felt that way over that one little word but I couldn't help it. It made me feel like I was

someone. I smiled just thinking about it.

As I laid there listening to Edward's breathing, I couldn't have been more glad of my decision to come over to his house the night before. It turned out a lot better than I expected. I needed to trust Edward. He wasn't like all of the others who ran out on me. He was there.

But technically we still weren't

anything. And I was shocked that I was okay with that. I mean we both needed some time to get used to this. And if the past few days weren't stressful enough then I didn't know what was. Then there was the fact if I was even gay or not. At least bisexual since I was still attracted to girls. But was I? All I really saw now was Edward. I had time to decide right? I didn't have to make up my mind now. I had Edward. That was enough, wasn't it?

No. I knew I couldn't lie to myself. I wanted to be able to hold his hand whenever I wanted to. To call him my boyfriend. To be together. But why was I just a little scared about that? Because he was more important to me than any other previous relationship. I couldn't help what I wanted though.

Just wait, Jasper. You both need time, remember? I sighed. Time. Too short, but too long at the same time.

Edward stirred in my arms and another spark of pain shot through my back. I tried to move to make myself more comfortable but it wasn't working.

"Jasper?" Edward's hoarse voice came through the blanket. His voice brought me back to our little fun time last night. Just him saying my name like that made me so fucking horny. I resisted gripping my morning wood to relieve some of the pressure. Edwards hand moved up my chest and I tried not to let out a moan. That's when he stretched and let out the sexiest groan I had ever heard. It was taking all of my self-control to not jump him right then. "What time is it?" he asked as he pulled the blanket down revealing his face. His hair was more disheveled than it usually was. Sex hair. I bit my lip to hold back a whimper. The things this boy did to me.

"Ughhh, it's already seven-thirty," he groaned. Oh, fuck. School. I almost forgot that I had to go there. With all the things that had been going on school was in the back of my mind. But I didn't want to go today. My fucking face was messed up and you better believe that there was going to be people talking about it. And then I would have to go home.

Home. I groaned aloud at the thought of going back there. I would bet a million dollars that things would just go on as if nothing had ever happened. They would still get drunk, high, and fight. They didn't care what happened to me. I doubted that they even cared where I was now.

"What?" Edward asked lifting a hand to my cheek. I leaned into his touch and reveled in his warmth. I looked at him and watched him frown as he saw the sadness in my eyes.

"Home," I sighed. I watched his eyes harden with anger. I knew it wasn't at me though. He yanked the covers off of him and stalked to his dresser.

"Edward," I murmured. He just shook his head as he ripped clothes out of his dresser. I wished I had just kept my fucking mouth shut. He threw some clothes on the bed for me and he walked out of his room with another handful. I sighed and got out of bed.

I didn't fucking think my back would hurt that bad; it did. Raising my arms made my shoulders ache. I gritted my teeth as I pulled on Edward's jeans. That was the easy part. Now for the shirt. I bit my lip as I slowly pulled the shirt off me. Fuck, this hurt so much. What did I ever do to deserve this? After I finally got the shirt off I took a minute to breathe before putting on the other one. I was just picking it up when I heard a gasp in the doorway. I whirled around to see Edward.

His eyes were still angry and his mouth was open in shock. Fuck, what was he looking at? I watched him walk over to me. He turned me around and ran his hands over my back gently. "Jasper," he murmured quietly with muted anger.

"What? What is it?" I asked.

"I can't believe he fucking did this to you. If you hadn't jumped in the way…" he trailed off angrily. There must've been bruises on my back. I would never regret jumping in front of him though. If it was him who was hurt like that I don't know what I would do. "I'm so fucking sorry," he said but this time his voice was agonized. He ran trembling fingertips over my spine one more time before he left the room again.

I put the shirt on as hastily as I could. I didn't know how bad my back looked but I didn't want Edward to see it again. I found my cell phone on the floor in my jeans. All I had to do was glance at the screen to see that there were no missed calls or messages. I was so used to that by now that I was still shocked that my heart sunk a little bit. I just thought that by then that I wouldn't hope anymore. I shoved my phone into my borrowed jeans and waited for Edward on his bed.

He came back in just a few minutes. He didn't even look at me as he came in the room. That's when I noticed that he had aspirin and a glass of water for me. Fuck, that was just…..sweet. He handed both to me but then turned back to his dresser.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. "Edward, please talk to me. Don't be mad," I knew that we needed to talk. There was no sense in just running away again. We both saw where that got us.

"How can I not be mad, Jasper? He fucking

hurt you. He hurts you all the time and I can't fucking do

anything about it! I fucking hate it!" he growled as he yanked on his hair. I watched the anger in his eyes become sadness. "Just the thought of you going home makes me so angry. I hate what they do to you," he dropped his head in despair and his fists clenched. "I want you to stay here. With me," he whispered. Once again my heart lurched at his words. I was suddenly filled with so much warmth. My eyes began to tear up. I couldn't fucking help it.

"I can't," I choked out.

"I know." His voice cracked and I swear it almost killed me. He looked up at me with those sad eyes. I opened my arms to him and he walked over to me. His arms were tentative around me careful of my bruises. I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay but we both knew that that would be a lie. My life was far too fucked up to be okay. He pulled away to look at me.

Even though things were really serious right then all I could think about was kissing him. How could I not? He basically fucking said that he wanted me to stay with him. I leaned in to kiss him but I ended up landing on his cheek. I felt hurt that he would turn away like that. That's when I noticed the amusement on his face.

"Morning breath," he said with a smirk. I shoved him away trying to hold back a smile.

"Ass," I muttered as I got up.

"Damn straight," he laughed and I smirked. "C'mon, let's get ready for school," he said as he drug me to the bathroom with him.

I cringed as soon as I saw myself in the mirror. The bruise on my jaw looked horrible. It was blue and purple and it stood out. Then there was the mark on my neck.

"Damn, Edward," I said aloud and I saw him smirk in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. "Just wait until next time," I threatened. He spit his toothpaste out and rinsed.

"Hmmmm, really?" he teased as he rubbed the front of my jeans. His eyes were dark again. I leaned in to kiss him again and he handed me another toothbrush. Damn him. I sighed.

I brushed my teeth as fast as I possibly could as Edward watched me with amusement. I just fucking needed to kiss him. As soon as I was done I attacked him. I pressed him against the wall across from the mirror. He groaned against me. His hands gripped my ass and pressed me against him. Our tongues battled and my hands threaded themselves in his hair. I couldn't help rocking my hips against him. It just felt so damn good. That's when Edward pulled away gasping.

"Jasper, we have to stop," he said breathlessly as I continued to rock against him. I didn't want to stop. And I

know that he didn't want to either. He was fucking harder than a rock.

"Why?" I asked between the kisses I was planting on his neck.

"We have school, and I really don't want a cum stain on my pants," he told me. I chuckled against his neck and he wrapped his arms around me in an embrace.

"Fuck, school," I muttered as I stepped away from him. He smirked. So what. I was fucking horny and he knew it.

"We will have plenty of time for that later, baby" he smirked. Baby? "What?" he asked at my shocked expression.

"You called me baby," I said laughing a bit. His face turned red and he looked fucking adorable.

"That's okay….isn't it?" he asked timidly. Since when was he fucking shy?

"Yeah," I smiled.

"Good." He turned around with that fucking smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes.

We finished getting ready and soon we were on our way to school. I was anxious on the ride there. What would the kids think? What if there was someone I knew at Wal-Mart that had seen what had happened? Then things that I didn't want to think about. Like going home.

Edward parked the car in the school parking lot. Neither one of us made a move to get out. He seemed to sense my anxiety and grabbed my hand lacing his fingers with mine.

"It's going to be alright," he said quietly. Why would he say that? He didn't know that. "It's going to be okay because I'm going to be with you." I glanced over to meet his eyes. His eyes darted to look around outside the car. Then he leaned closer to me and brushed his lips against mine. It was almost like he was giving me the courage that I needed. The courage to face all the stares that I knew I would get that day. To face going home. To face anything.

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**No evil cliffhanger this time! Thanks for everyone's support for the story. I already have half of the next chapter written so I'm thinking the next update will be by next weekend or so. Also HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone! And please leave a review and let me know what you think. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you everyone for all the reviews and alerts! This story has gotten over 100 reviews! It's unbelievable and I wanted to thank every single one of you...but I've been busy writing this! I hope you all like it :D I'm thinking that updates will be every other week from now on. I have another story that I'm working on too. The Limits of Time. Check it out! I also want to thank Xavier Willow for just being awesome and helping me with everything.**

**Disclaimer: Jasper and Edward are mine...Twilight isn't**

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As Edward and I walked up to the school I felt like I was in a circus. Our school had around a thousand kids in it, and I felt like each and every one of their eyes were directed at me. I knew I was exaggerating things but that's what it honestly felt like. It wasn't everyday that someone showed up to school with a messed up face. I mean we had all seen our share of fights but hardly anything exciting happened at school. It was like we were all goody- two shoes.

That's why I felt like I stood out worse than I really did. Edward didn't say anything next to me, and I was grateful for it. By the time we reached the doors to the school I realized that I didn't fucking care.

They didn't know what happened when I went home. They probably just thought that I was in some fight with some other kid. But I didn't get into fights. Ever. And most of the kids knew that. I was the quiet one, the good one. So I just ignored their stares. Edward and I had to part upstairs to go to our own classes. It made me kind of sad to leave him.

He squeezed my shoulder as he left. I could tell that he wanted to say something, but he didn't. He just gave me an encouraging smile and went on his way. I stood there for a minute staring after him. I could do this. I chanted that to myself on my way to my first period.

I walked in there but didn't meet anyone's eyes that were trained on me. For the first half of the hour I could feel their stares on me but I pretended not to notice. Then I just sort of zoned out. It didn't matter what they thought. I couldn't wait until lunch; at least then I would be able to be with Edward if only for that short time.

Second period passed slowly. I tried to pay attention to what my English teacher was saying but I couldn't concentrate. Most of the kids had stopped whispering and glancing at me but there was this one kid who wouldn't quit. He sat across the room from me. Every time I looked up at the teacher I would catch him staring at me.

He was a sophomore, like me. I thought his name was Jacob or something like that. He had short dark hair and russet colored skin. He was actually kind of….pretty. Fuck, this wasn't right. Being attracted to Edward was one thing but another guy? I shook the thoughts away. I didn't meet his eyes again for the rest of the period.

As soon as the bell rang for lunch I let out a relieved sigh. I took my time getting my things together. I was the last one out of the class. I had just made it out the classroom doorway and was heading towards the cafeteria when I heard someone call my name.

It was Jacob.

"Yeah?" I asked. I was kind of impatient to go see Edward. It was almost like I was having withdrawals from not being around him.

"Jasper, isn't it?" he asked. I nodded and glanced away from him. "I just wanted to ask if you were alright," he said quietly. I glanced at him again. His brown eyes looked so kind that I immediately felt bad for wanting to ditch him. He was only being nice.

"I'm fine," I smiling softly. He nodded but still looked a little worried. I watched his face turn a little pink. Aww, he was blushing. "Really," I said trying to be convincing. He smiled a little but I knew that I wasn't very convincing.

"Okay," he said but then he came closer and rested a hand on my shoulder. "I you ever need anything, I'm here for you," he said and then walked away without another word. How was I fucking supposed to feel after that? I didn't even know the kid. I made my way towards the cafeteria. I was once again eager to see Edward. My heart ached just from being away from him for two hours.

I walked as fast as I could without looking ridiculous to the cafeteria. As soon as I stepped into the room I saw him but he wasn't looking at me. He was searching around the room. _He's looking for you, dumbass. _I made my way toward him. That's when he finally saw me. His face lit up like he had won the lottery or something. I couldn't help smiling back and turn red. I sat down next to him. His friend's face stared at us in shock.

"Hi," I mumbled turning an even brighter shade of red. How fucking embarrassing.

"Hey man, what's up?" Mike said and smiled at me.

"Nothing much," I muttered still slightly embarrassed. I wonder what they thought- me showing up one day and then disappearing the next. Then I felt Edward grab my hand under the table and I decided that I didn't fucking care.

"So how was first and second hour?" he asked. I shrugged and I saw his eyes fill with concern.

"It was alright," I said and he seemed to relax a little. My heart twinged at how much he cared about me. I felt so protected with him. His thumb rubbed circles on the palm of my hand and I sighed in contentment. I was so absorbed into what Edward was doing that I didn't notice that Tyler was talking to us.

"I'm having a party this weekend. Did you guys wanna go?" he asked once he had our attention. A party? With Edward? All of a sudden my stomach was full of nerves and excitement. I didn't really do parties….but I would go with Edward. I looked at him.

"Yeah," he said and I smiled as I looked away from him. I was going to a party. With Edward. I wanted to dance. Right then I could have cared less about everyone staring at the bruise on my face and having to go home. I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

"Yeah man it's gonna be fucking awesome. Maybe you'll find another chick at the party," Mike said smirking at Edward. I glanced at him. Of course I knew that he wasn't going there for someone else but it still hurt. Especially when I knew that he was meant to be with me.

"I'm not going to get laid, fucker," Edward said. "I already have my needs taken care of," he said. Tyler hooted and so did Emmett. Edward wasn't paying attention to them. He was running his fingertips along the inside of my thigh next to my knee. I didn't know if he was trying to calm me down or what because I was getting fucking turned on from him touching me like that. I looked over at him but he was just smiling at Emmett like they shared this inside joke or something. I tried to concentrate on something else but I felt like I was on fire. I just wanted to attack him right then and there in the middle of the cafeteria. I couldn't fucking take his teasing anymore. I was either going to explode in my pants or I was going to out us both in the middle of lunch. So, as gently as I could, I pushed his hand off of my leg.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a frown on his face. Great, now he was fucking hurt. I glanced over at Mike, Emmett, and Tyler to make sure that they weren't watching us. They were busy looking at Mike's phone and cracking up about something. What I was about to do was risky and I didn't know how Edward would react to it. But I had to take a chance. I needed him to know that he was turning me on and that's why I had to push him away. So I grabbed Edward's hand and placed it on the massive bulge in my jeans. Just that small friction of his fingers on me made me want to whimper. His green eyes flew open in shock and then darkened like they had in his bedroom. Fuck, now I turned him on too. He swallowed hard and then began palming me softly while turning back to his friends so we didn't look suspicious. His hand on me felt so fucking good that I bit my lip to keep in my moans of pleasure.

I was going to cum really soon if he kept that up. He moved his hand up so that way he was rubbing just under the head which brought me even closer to the edge. It was going to be only a matter of seconds before I started humping his hand. I was so fucking close….

I put my head on the table and groaned into the table. I couldn't care less that we were doing this in a room full of our classmates. It felt too damn good to fucking care.

"What's wrong with Jasper?" I heard Mike ask. I was too fucking out of it to pick my head up and answer. Edward's hand moved even faster over me and I whimper.

"Really bad headache," I heard him say. His voice was cocky. My hips started pressing into his hand. My breath was coming out in pants. Oh fuck, oh fuck, yes, come on!

The bell rang and all the students began getting up and throwing away their food. You had to be fucking kidding me! I was about to have one of the best orgasms in my entire life and the bell had to ring? Edward moved his hand away from me and I lifted my head from the table. I glared at him but it was only halfhearted. I wasn't really mad at him- just his teasing and how he had the ability to bring me to my knees with one simple touch.

"I'm sorry," he at least had enough grace to look sheepish. I just shrugged and we started walking. Both of hour classes were upstairs so at least we got to walk together.

Once we were upstairs I immediately headed for my classroom but Edward stopped me. "Are you mad?" he asked. His green eyes were worried again.

"No. Frustrated, yes," I said gesturing to the monster in my pants. He just smirked and sauntered down the hallway. What an ass, I chuckled to myself. He was really going to get it later, I promised.

I was so used to the stares by then that it was easy to ignore the curious eyes of my classmates. Luckily I had enough time to calm myself down so I no longer had a massive bulge in my jeans.

I still couldn't believe I had been that bold. I mean there wasn't a no touching rule between us but that felt like I overstepped my boundaries. But Edward wasn't complaining. Fuck, I think he was almost as turned on as I was. But it was risky and we both could have been outed right then and there. You couldn't lie yourself out of something when you're getting a guy off.

But it felt so good! Not even Alice could have made me that damn excited that I was going to cum in my pants. It was so much more intense. But even at the same time I felt like we were pushing ourselves too fast. I didn't want to make him leave just because I was horny. He meant too much for that to happen.

I sighed. Some kid in front of me turned around to look at me. I smiled and they just turned back around.

The next few class periods passed by so slowly. I felt like someone put the clock on slow motion or something. But then it was finally the last class of the day and that meant that I could see Edward.

Our class ended up being in the library since we had a free day. I walked and immediately found Edward waiting for me. He motioned for me to go sit with him. Duh-where else was I going to sit? I walked over to his table and sat in the seat across from him.

"Hey," I said smiling softly.

"Hi," he said smiling widely. We sat there for a minute just looking at each other. I felt content just being around him. I especially needed it now before I had to face going home. "So do you really want to go to Tyler's party?" he asked and he was biting his lip nervously. Why the fuck was he nervous?

"Well, yeah," I mumbled sheepishly. He smiled. "Why?"

"Have you ever been to a high school party?" he asked. I looked down in embarrassment. I was so fucking left out of everything. I shook my head. "Gotten drunk?" he asked. I shook my head again. Hell no I didn't want to do that shit. Especially after seeing what it had done to my parents. "And you really want to go?" he asked.

"I already said yes," I snapped at him. Why the fuck was he asking these stupid questions anyway? He looked away from me and was biting his lip again. "I didn't mean to snap at you," I said softly and reached for his hand under the table. He pulled away from me and I felt myself snap back in my chair. Why did it have to hurt so fucking much? Why did he have this much control over my emotion?

"I only asked because I was wondering if you wanted to do something else," he said quietly. Oh.

"Like what?" I asked. He didn't say anything. He got out a notebook from his bag and tore a sheet out. He wrote something on it and shoved it my way. He wouldn't meet my eyes.

_**I wanted to take you out on a date. A real date. But if you would rather go to Tyler's party we could do that…..**_

I sat there stupidly reading the words over and over again. He wanted to go out on a date? With me? I felt my face break into a smile. I had never gone on a real date before. Not even with Alice. I tried to remind myself that just because he wanted to take me out didn't mean that we had just become a couple or anything. But my heart still beat a little faster as I looked at the words. I reached under the table for his hand again. This time he didn't pull away. His fingers twined with mine. I looked up to meet his confused and guarded eyes.

"Yes," I said quietly. I loved seeing how his eyes lit up and his cheeks turned pink.

"Really?" he asked like he couldn't believe I'd said yes. I nodded.

"But couldn't we do both? I mean, it would be nice to act like a normal teenager sometime…." I suggested. And I meant it. I never just got to act wild and crazy. I always had to be serious and I needed some fun. We both needed it.

"Hmmm…I guess we could both," he smiled and I laughed. "You sure you really want to do this?" he asked as rubbed his thumb in circles on my palm.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" I asked.

"I've never really done this before….I just don't want to disappoint you." His green eyes lost the light that they had just a moment before.

"Me neither. And you won't disappoint me….you're perfect at everything anyway," I snorted and a small laugh broke out of him. I smiled and tried to calm the giddiness I felt. The teacher came over to our table. I let go of Edward's hand and I watched his eyes dart to the teacher.

"Aren't either of you going to work on anything?" she asked as she stared us down. What the fuck? It was a free day. I reluctantly got out some homework I could work on. Edward took out a notebook. The one he always wrote his poems and stories in. I really wanted to read what he had been writing but I didn't want to ask. I watched him as he wrote while I neglected my homework. He didn't look up from his writing but he moved his foot so that way it was touching mine. Playing footsie? Really?

I moved my leg closer to his so that way we were touching even more. He smiled down at his paper. I tried to let him concentrate on whatever he was doing. I glanced around the room at all the other kids just goofing off. But my eyes always came to rest on Edward.

I stared at him as he wrote. Every time he stopped to think he would suck on the end of his pen. That got me even more frustrated. I mean, fuck, I was still turned on from lunch and now he was doing this?

I tried not to look at him because I didn't want to fucking attack him in the middle of the library. But I was close…so close to doing just that. I didn't know if he was even teasing me on purpose. Ughhh….why did this have to be so confusing? I mean, it really didn't take a whole lot to turn me on but this was fucking ridiculous.

The bell rang and I jumped up in relief. Edward put his things in his bag and gave me a confused look. Yeah, I probably looked crazy right then, but who the fuck cared?

"What's the matter, Jasper?" he asked worry on his face. Oh, I'd show him exactly what the matter was as soon as we got to his car. I didn't say anything.

We grabbed our coats from my locker and went out to his car. I was going crazy from all the stupid nerves and hormones running through me.

As soon as we were in the car I made a check to make sure no one was nearby. Nope. Then it was payback time.

"Jasper…" Edward said as he closed his door. I fucking attacked him like the animal I was right then. Our lips collided and I felt him sigh against me. I licked his bottom lip and he immediately opened up to me. I pulled him as close as I could and ground myself against him. Too damn good….but this wasn't about me. Know this was all about him.

"Do you want me to mark you, Edward? Just like you did me?" I asked. My voice sounded breathless. He moaned against me and I sucked on his neck. But not hard enough to leave a mark. It wasn't quite time for that. He whimpered as his hips moved against mine. "Jasper," he moaned and I bucked into him roughly. Fuck, I loved when he said my name like that. "Don't stop, please, don't stop," he pleaded. His hands fisted the back of my coat and his hips moved frantically against mine.

I pulled away.

"What the fuck, Jasper?" he asked. His green eyes had turned dark again. I fucking loved when he was so turned on like this. I smirked at him.

"That's for what you did at lunch," I said. He snorted and rolled his eyes. We both sat there trying to catch our breath. Maybe that wasn't the best idea….I really fucking needed to cum.

"Really, Jasper. You're the one who started it by putting my hand there. What did you expect me to do?" he asked.

"I thought you were going to finish what you started!" I said loudly and he laughed. Great, this fucking didn't go as planned.

"Wasn't my fault the bell rang," he insisted.

"Yeah, and what about last hour. Didn't you think that your teasing was a little unfair?" I asked getting annoyed.

"What teasing?" he asked. He had a confused look on his face, but I knew that he could have been pretending.

"You. Sucking. On. Your. Pen." I growled out. It was his turn to smirk.

"That's what got you so worked up?" he teased. "Damn…" he laughed to himself. I glared at him halfheartedly. "Oh, c'mon Jasper," he sighed with a smile. I crossed my arms over my chest. So much for payback. "So you were okay about what happened at lunch?" he asked. Everything was suddenly serious.

"Well yeah. It would've been better if you had made me cum though," I said. He smirked again.

"I can do that now if you want," he teased but his eyes were dark again. Oh fuck. I let out a soft moan as I watched him lean nearer. He gently pressed his lips to mine but then pulled back. What the fuck. He laughed at my confused expression. He kissed me again this time not as gently. "I have to take you home, Jasper," he whispered against my lips.

A feeling of dread went through me. I didn't want to go home; I wanted to stay with him. He must have known how I felt because he wrapped his arms around my neck. He kissed the mark he had left on my neck. I moaned and he reached down to rub my cock through my jeans. I could feel my eyes rolling in the back of my head.

"I know how much we both need some release right now, but I don't think you'll want to go home with a cum stain on the front of your jeans," he whispered in my ear. I pushed him away.

"You're such a tease," I whined.

"Not really. I plan on making you cum very very soon," he told me. I shivered. Ughh…the things this boy said.

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed. He started the car. As he was driving he held my hand. I was still pouting because of my sexual frustration. I couldn't fucking believe how much of a tease he was. But I kind of liked it. And he better come through with that promise he made.

But above all that I was shocked that I didn't think about how I was kissing a guy. With Edward things just felt….natural. Perfect, even. The only bad thing about the whole thing was that neither one of us was ready to admit that we were gay or bisexual. And then we had to actually come _out_ which was terrifying just thinking about it. We would have to face all of those things eventually.

I thought about all that on the way to my house. Hell, I wanted to think about anything except the fact that I was going back home. But we got there eventually. Then it was time to say goodbye.

We were sitting in the alley behind my house.

"If anything happens, anything at all, call me," Edward said. His green eyes were angry. I knew he hated seeing me get hurt. And I hated seeing it hurt him.

"I'll call you anyway," I said. I knew I would want to talk to him especially since I wouldn't be with him. It just proved how attached I was getting to him. He smiled a little bit but his eyes were still angry. He nodded.

"Things will be okay," I promised. He shook his head. His hands were fisting his hair. I didn't like seeing him like this.

"No they won't," he said. His voice was getting choked up. "I just fucking hate….I wish…" his words were all mixed together. I knew what he what he was trying to say though. He grabbed me and wrapped me in his arms. "If I could take your place I would. I would do anything for you," he said into my neck. I swallowed the undeserving feeling inside of me. He was so much more than I ever expected.

I pulled away from him and I could see tears in those beautiful green eyes. "I have to go," I forced the words out. I knew that if I didn't leave then that I was never going to leave. He nodded and bit his lip. We were both trying to be strong. I felt better knowing that this wasn't just killing me.

"You'll call?" he asked half-whispered, half-choked. I leaned over and kissed him.

"Yes," I said. My fingers released his jaw and I climbed out of his car. I walked to the back door and waved. He waved back but I knew that he was upset about me going home. I sighed.

As soon as I walked in the door I knew something was strange. It was quiet. Too quiet. I walked into the dining room to see my mom and Peter sitting there. They looked at me when I came in the room. Then I noticed that they weren't drunk. They were definitely drinking but they weren't anywhere close to drunk.

"We need to talk," my mom said. It was weird to hear her without the slurs that usually accompanied her voice.

"Okay," I said and I took a seat at the table. How come Demetri wasn't here for our "family talk?"

"Jasper, I'm really sorry about what happened last night. I was wrong, and I regret everything," I didn't say anything. I didn't believe he was sorry. Not one bit. He was a fucking loser and didn't deserve my mom. "I know I've said all of it before," he said quietly. "But I love your mom, Jasper. And I love you. Though it might not seem like it." What the fuck? How could he fucking even say that he loved me? You don't hurt people you love. But I felt myself softening towards him. He never told me that before and it was even rarer when I heard him say that to my mom. I watched as he looked at the bruise covering my jaw. He should feel bad for what he did.

"I'm sorry, too, sweetie. I never meant for that to happen," she said. I just got up from the table and went to find some food. All those fucking lies….how did they think I would believe them? Things weren't going to fucking change. Not at all. They never had. Ever since I could remember this is how it had been. Except that one time I was put in a foster home and my mom was forced to get clean. But they hurt me there too. I never wanted to leave my mom again. But now I did. That was different than being taken away. Than being put in the system and becoming a foster kid. Nothing was worse than that.

While I was heating up a bowl of macaroni and cheese I heard them start arguing. See, nothing ever changed. Except now they were arguing over me instead of drugs. How nice. I shook my head. As soon as I was done I tried to walk past them so I could get to my room but I stopped.

"Things won't change, not unless you want them to," I said as I walked past. They just stared at me. " I want to be a family again," I said. I walked away. I wasn't going to fucking fall apart in front of them. I kept it together in the middle of Wal-Mart and I could keep it together then.

I closed the door to my bedroom and I was about to go and sit on my bed when I saw Demetri there. God, I just wanted to be alone right then. No, I really wanted to be with Edward.

"Hey," I sighed.

"They talked to you didn't they?" he asked. I nodded. "You don't believe them do you?" I shook my head. "Me neither," he sighed. I just shrugged. It was always the same. We had been through it all. Besides he was leaving us after he graduated anyway. I just curled up in a ball on the side of my bed that he wasn't laying on. "Things are going to be okay."

"Why does everyone keep saying that? Nothing is going to change. Things aren't going to be okay. How many times do I have to get hurt for you to realize that?" I yelled. I was fed up with everything.

"He won't touch you again. Not while I'm here," he said as he squeezed my shoulders. "We are going to get through this," he promised me. No we weren't. Right then all I wanted was to tell him about Edward. I wanted to get everything out so I didn't have to keep it all in to myself anymore. But I couldn't say anything. Demetri left when I didn't say anything else.

It was only like five at night but I was tired. So I called Edward.

"How did it go? Are you okay?" he asked. He sounded worried and I knew he was probably pacing and running his hands through his hair like crazy.

"It went…okay. I'm okay, too," I told him. I really didn't know what to say. I heard him breathe a sigh of relief.

"I miss you," I heard him say. My heart was breaking and soaring at the same time. I liked that he missed me but I hated that I couldn't be with him right then.

"I miss you, too," I said. He sighed again.

"You know I kinda wished something bad had happened just so I could come and get you," he admitted. "I'm such an idiot," he laughed at himself. I smiled a bit.

"No you aren't," I protested. "You're like my knight and shining armor," I teased.

"I just love saving damsels in distress," he snickered.

"I'm not a damsel," I defended.

"That you aren't," he said suggestively and I burst out laughing. But then I broke off in a yawn. "You're tired," he stated. "I should let you sleep," he sighed again.

"I really wanted to talk to you though," I said as another yawn came.

"You can talk to me tomorrow," he laughed. I could just see that smirk that I knew he had on his face right then.

"Okay," I mumbled.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said. His voice sounded weird. Like maybe he wanted to say something more. I don't know, maybe I was just tired. I jumped in my covers with my clothes still on. I wouldn't be able to change without passing out or something. I was almost falling asleep when I felt my phone buzz on my nightstand.

**Goodnight, Jasper. Naughty dreams ;)** I smiled to myself before I fell asleep.

Their idea of "change" only lasted two entire days. That was how many days they resisted getting completely hammered with drugs and booze. And I didn't really expect it to last which was why I wasn't disappointed when I came home after school on Friday. I knew it was going to happen anyway. Besides, I wasn't going to let them ruin my night. The night I went on my date with Edward. I sighed and sat on my bed.

The rest of the week had gone by fine. The bruise on my cheek was fading and I didn't have as many kids staring at me anymore. But I still wasn't talking to my mom or Peter. It was going to take more than three days for me to forgive them.

Things seemed to be looking better though, or maybe that was just because I was excited for my date with Edward. I smiled just thinking about it. I didn't know where he was taking me. I tried to get him to tell me but he just kissed me and told me it was a surprise. So I was giddy with excitement about going with him on a real date.

But I was nervous too. Maybe even more than how excited I was. I mean there was a lot of things I had to worry about. Like what I was supposed to wear, for one thing. And were we going to act like a couple on this date or were we going to act like friends? It was so confusing….. but I could probably deal with the clothes part.

I went to my closet and pulled out a button down, dark blue, shirt. It wasn't that fancy looking but it was a little bit better than wearing one of my T-shirts. Now I had an hour and a half to wait for Edward. Fucking great.

I sat back down on my bed and tried to ignore the butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I had no reason to be nervous. It was just Edward, I tried to tell myself. It didn't work.

But I had to find something to do before I drove myself completely nuts. So I grabbed my sketchbook and turned on some music. Drawing always helped me. Mindless drawing was exactly what I needed for a time like then. I didn't have to think….I just had to draw.

But after a while I found myself getting lost in my drawing. It was of Edward, of course. That's all I had been drawing for a long time. But this time I was sketching those gorgeous green eyes and that trademark smirk that he always wore. I was just perfecting the shade of green in his eyes when I heard a tap on my window.

I jumped like a foot off my bed and my sketchbook landed on the floor with a thud. It was Edward, and he was cracking up outside the window. I rolled my eyes and unlocked it so that way I could let him in. Once again the butterflies were in my stomach.

I watched as he came in. He was wearing a long sleeve green T-shirt and dark jeans. I felt stupid for freaking out about what to wear. But Edward could where anything and make it look good.

Once he was inside he walked over to me without a word. He pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him back and grabbed at the back of his shirt. I never wanted to let him go.

He kissed me back hungrily and I drank him in. His kisses got me so worked up that I was panting in no time.

"You have no clue how good you look right now," he moaned against my neck. The mark he had given me was fading but it was still tender when he touched it.

"You too," I chucked against him. He growled and there was almost an instant tent in my jeans. We were pressed so tightly together that I knew he could feel it. He was the one chuckling then. So I decided to make him pay for it. I ran my hands over his abdomen and up his chest over his shirt. He moaned; I smirked.

"Not fair," he pouted as I pulled away. He tried to pull me back against him again.

"No, you have a date to take me on, remember?" I teased him. He frowned at the ground and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Screw it," he grunted. I couldn't help laughing. Who was the sexually frustrated one now?

"C'mon, you won't even tell me where you're taking me. You didn't make me wait all this time for nothing, did you?"

"Fine," he sighed. I gave him a chaste kiss before grabbing one of my hoodies and putting it on. I was ready to go. I had told my mom that I was going to be staying over a friend's house that night. She was too drunk to even comprehend the words that I was saying. I doubted that she would even notice that I was gone anyway. I jumped out of the window after Edward. I was grateful that it was only beginning to sprinkle and it was down pouring.

"You know, you really do look good, Jasper," I heard Edward say behind me. I turned to smirk at him but his eyes weren't even trained on me.

"Are you really looking at my ass?" I asked half-laughing.

"It's really nice," he teased. "I never noticed before," he mused and I snorted.

"Well thank you," I smirked at him and turned around. I tried to shake my hips back and forth like the girls but I probably wasn't doing it right. Then I felt a sharp sting through my jeans. Did he just smack my ass? Really? I looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"No teasing otherwise we won't even make it _to_ our date," he said. His green eyes were dark with desire. Damn, maybe I did know how to shake my ass right.

"You're not the only one who can tease," I said half-heartedly even though I meant it too. Ever since that day in school it seemed like everything Edward did was some form of teasing. And he never came through on making me it up to me either…The only release I was getting was from my hand or the washcloth. I sighed and I watched him start the car. The nerves were back just like that and I had no fucking clue why.

He seemed to sense my nervousness so he switched on his stereo. The Goo Goo Dolls were playing and I heard him laugh. Edward fucking loved them. He sang along as the song played, and I smiled as I watched him sing. He just looked so happy and carefree and that feeling was spreading to me. I started to sing along too. A small smile was left on his face when the song ended. He reached over and entwined his fingers with mine. Things were just…..perfect.

He held my hand the as he drove. Occasionally we would catch each other staring. I would feel my face go red every time he caught me.

"How much longer?" I whined. I was fucking starving.

"Impatient much?" he chuckled.

"I'm hungry," I protested but that just made him laugh even more.

"We're almost there; don't worry," he teased. I grumbled as I stared at the rain out the window. Edward leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I wiped it off like a child would do when their parents kissed them. "We're here," he said a few moments later. Fuck, I guess he wasn't kidding about almost being there.

We were somewhere in the middle of Seattle in front of some restaurant. I couldn't read the name of the place from where I was sitting. We got out and he met me on my side of the car.

"Where exactly are we?" I asked.

"We are at the best Mexican restaurant in the whole entire city," he said smiling. Mexican? Really? I hadn't had any Mexican food since…..that time he made tacos for me. But he remembered that Mexican was my favorite? I couldn't stop myself from throwing my arms around him and pulling him to me. He was so fucking adorable. I sighed in his shoulder.

But then I realized what I had just done. I had basically attacked Edward in public. What if he wasn't ready for that? What if he didn't want others to see us like that? I pulled away from him.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I took a step away from him. But he didn't look angry when I looked up at him; he looked….hurt.

"For what?" he asked. I could feel my face heating up as I glanced away from him. It was so hard to fucking talk with his eyes on me.

"I didn't mean to jump all over you like that. I thought that….maybe you didn't want to be so…affectionate in public." I could see when everything clicked in place in Edward's head. He took one step towards me and cupped my jaw with his hands. Then his lips were on mine. Well, I guess he was more than okay with public affection.

I melted against him and kissed him back. My hands tangled in his dampened hair. Fuck, I had completely forgotten that it was raining. He broke off the kiss but didn't move away from me.

"You can jump on me anytime you want to Jasper. If I had known you were going to react like this I would've brought you here sooner," he chuckled and kissed me right below my ear. I shivered and tried to ignore my body's reaction to him. Then my stomach growled and he laughed.

"Let's go eat," he said. I was glad that he didn't say anything else about my little outburst. I was embarrassed enough as it was.

We went into the restaurant and I was immediately overcome with all the smells. My stomach growled again. The waitress brought us to a table and I sat across from Edward. I couldn't help making quick glances around the room to make sure that no one we knew was there. I sighed in relief when it was only Edward and I.

"So, what do you want to eat?" he asked. Everything, my mind automatically said.

"What's the best?" I asked.

"Hmmm…the enchiladas are pretty damn good," he suggested. I nodded. That sounded really good.

"And can we get some nachos?" I asked even though it wasn't really Mexican. I just loved nachos.

"Of course," he laughed. I was so giddy that I was practically bouncing up and down in my seat. The waitress came to take our order. I watched her try to flirt with Edward but he wasn't even paying attention to her at all. He was too focused on me. The girl sighed and left with our order. I couldn't help smiling like a fucking idiot. We were waiting for our food to come when Edward burst out with a question.

"Do you remember when we made tacos at my house?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "They were really good."

"Obviously, since you were moaning when you were eating them. God, I just about attacked you while you were eating them. Hearing you moan like that….it drove me completely nuts," he confessed. So that's why he was acting so weird.

"Oh yeah. And you choked on your food, too," I smirked thinking back to that night.

"You had me so fucking turned on it was unbelievable," he said as his face turned a light pink. Awe…. The waitress came and dropped off our food. Everything looked so good that I didn't even know where to start. But I couldn't take just staring at the food and I went for it.

It was fucking amazing! I couldn't help moaning at every other bite. How could he have not told me about this place? I glanced at him and he was watching me with hungry eyes as he ate. Oh, fuck. I hope he didn't think I was teasing him. It wasn't on purpose.

"Good, isn't it," he smirked as he stuffed more nachos into his mouth. I nodded and a little moan escaped me again.

"Stop doing that," he growled. His fist was clenched on the table. "Otherwise I won't be able to the second part of our date." Second part? What?

"What second part?" I asked.

"You'll see. If you would quit moaning with your food," he insisted. I sighed. Damn, I didn't think that I was doing that to him. It made me feel…empowered. For the rest of the dinner I concentrated my hardest on not moaning. Edward seemed to calm down a bit but I couldn't help feeling smug. _I _was the one who was making him lose it. Me. Jasper. That was fucking unbelievable.

Once we finished we made our way back out to the car. It wasn't raining anymore. Edward was acting strange. Like he was shy…or nervous. But what could he be nervous about?

He drove down the road and kept sneaking glances at me.

"I really liked the food…and the date…and everything," I mumbled trying to fill the silence. He nodded and smiled a little bit. He was still acting shy though.

"The date's not over yet," he said. He pulled into a parking lot where you could see the water. "I have something to show you." He pulled out a hoodie from the backseat and got out. What the hell? I got out to meet him in the front of the car. He grabbed my hand and I instantly felt a little better. We walked slowly towards the beach but he pulled us past it. He took me down this abandoned road that went into some trees away from the edge of the water. It got darker and I shivered.

He pulled me closer to him. Then it opened back up again and the road forked off into a path that went to a dock. It was beautiful. It was cut off from everything else. He led us out onto the dock where we could see the water and the dark trees on the other side.

"This is what I wanted to show you," he said as he sat down. I sat beside him. "You know how the park is where you go to be alone?" he asked and I nodded. "Well this is where I go. You're the only person I've ever brought here." Butterflies were welling up inside of me again. He was quiet for a while after that. We listened to the soft sounds of the water and the wind. I felt like I was in a fairytale or something.

"Why are you being so quiet?" I asked. He normally wasn't like this.

"I…I want to tell you something," his voice sounded strained. I gripped his hand tighter.

"Okay," this could go two ways. Good. Or bad.

"I've been thinking a lot….about us," he started. His eyes glanced to mine but then moved back to the water. Oh crap….. "I know I'm confusing the hell out of you and I'm sorry," he rushed out. "But I feel undeserving of you and you're so sweet and I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I don't know how to fucking tell you this and you probably think I'm a fucking idiot," his sentences were running together and he looked like he was on the verge of passing out.

"Just tell me," I said as I reached up to touch his cheek. I prayed that it wouldn't be bad. I wouldn't fucking be okay if he broke my heart. I watched him swallow. His green eyes found mine and he searched them for some time before he answered.

"I want," he choked out and stopped. I waited. "I want to be your boyfriend, Jasper."

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**Evil, I know. Review?**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm back and even a day early! Hopefully I can keep up on this every two weeks update. So I'm going to let you get to it. PLEASE READ A/N on the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: the usual**

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A smile broke out on my face as that one word kept repeating itself in my head. Boyfriend. But a question kept nagging at the back of my mind. Why was Edward freaking out about this so much? I mean, he had to know that the only answer I was going to say was yes. He was the one who wasn't ready to be something more. I looked up to see that Edward wasn't even fucking looking at me. He was staring out at the water. Waiting for disappointment.

"Edward," I started to say.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you into this. It wasn't that fucking long ago that I was saying that I wasn't ready for more-" This time I was the one to cut him off. I couldn't listen to his rambling any more.

"Will you shut the fuck up?" I asked exasperatedly. I didn't let him answer as I crashed my lips to his. I kissed him with all that I had. I tried to pour all of the joy that I was feeling into him. But I could still feel his tentativeness so I pulled away. "I want to be your boyfriend, too," I proclaimed. Maybe he would believe me if I said it out loud.

"Really?" he asked. A ghost of a smile was beginning to light his face.

"Well, duh. What else did you think I was gonna say?" I laughed as I tried to lighten the mood. It didn't work. His eyes fell back on the water and his mouth slipped into a frown. He really thought that I was going to say no? "Why would I say no?" I asked him. I heard Edward sigh. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. I hated seeing him in this protective shell he was making around himself.

"Jasper, you distance yourself from everyone. You said it yourself that it wasn't easy to trust people. I didn't expect you to say yes because I know how hard it is to trust me. Especially after all the times that I've fucked up," Edward said glancing up at me. His green eyes were troubled. Of course I couldn't help realizing the truth to what he said. It was hard for me to trust others, but it was different with him. Everything was…

"I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone," I told him. I reached up to touch his face. I watched his face lift up and I felt my heart soar.

"So you really want to be together?" he asked like he still couldn't believe that was what I was saying.

"More than anything," I whispered. His lips turned upwards into a smile and mine did the same. I couldn't help laughing. I just felt so….good.

"What's so funny?" he asked watching my amused expression.

"You're so cute when you're flustered," I laughed some more. He tried to scowl at me but he couldn't stop smiling.

"Oh, shut up," he laughed and shoved me lightly. I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. I pressed my lips to his and kissed him deeply. If felt different between us now. A good different. I could feel a fluttery feeling in my stomach but it wasn't from nerves this time. It was something more…

Edward pulled away from me slowly and we both tried to catch our breath. He slid over next to me and leaned his head against my chest. I wrapped one arm around him and ran my free hand through his hair. He sighed in contentment as we sat there and watched the water. I didn't think I had ever been more content in my life.

But that contentment was marred with the confusion and questions I had.

"Did you plan this?" was the first one that was blurted out.

"No."

"What made you tell me today? I just feel a little confused about everything. Once day you tell me you're not ready for more and now this…." I trailed off. It felt good to voice my confusion though.

"I'm suck a fucking idiot," I heard Edward grumble.

"Edward," I started to say.

"Just let me explain something okay?" I nodded even though he couldn't see it. My hands kept running through his hair; I hoped that it would calm him down. He sighed and then began talking. "When I told you that I didn't want to be more….I lied," he paused and I tried to ignore the little twinge of hurt in my chest. He needed to get this out. "I was scared about being more with you. I was scared about all the things that you were making me feel. I've never felt anything like this before and I was scared of how much emotional control over me," he stopped to pause again.

"And then when you hugged me in the parking lot and you apologized that almost fucking killed me. I felt so guilty for stringing you along when I was just scared to tell you how I felt. I just kept thinking about it more and more until I blurted out and told you. And I was so fucking scared of what you were going to say. But I went for it because I was tired of being scared and hiding from my feelings. I just want to be with you." Edward stopped talking. I didn't know what to fucking say. "Sure glad I did," he mused and I smiled. But then my smile began turning into tears. They weren't bad tears, not at all, I was just so overwhelmed at everything. But I was happy too. Maybe I was going nuts, but I didn't care.

"Edward, not your not a fucking idiot. You're…"I couldn't find the words to describe him. I tilted his face up towards me and kissed him fiercely. His hands cupped my face and my neck. His tongue entwined with mine and I moaned against him. Fuck, I was starting to get lightheaded. Oh crap, I almost forgot to fucking breathe. I pulled away and peppered his face with kisses. "You're so.." kiss. "Adorable." Kiss. "and sweet." Kiss. I wanted to say so much more but Edward pulled my lips back to his. He was sucking on my bottom lip and driving me fucking crazy. I had to pull away before I couldn't stop myself.

"Boyfriend," I heard Edward gasp and chuckle. I smiled. But then something else came to the front of my mind. This didn't mean that Edward wanted to go public did it?

"Edward, I'm not ready to come out yet. I don't want everyone to know about us," I said. He nodded and it seemed like he was okay with it.

"Me neither. I kinda want to enjoy being together before we have to deal with all of that," he agreed and I felt that stupid tingling in my stomach again. "But one day I want everyone to know that I'm yours," his green eyes were so warm as he said that. I felt tears come to my eyes. This was really happening? All of it? Edward's finger caught the one tear that slipped out.

"Happy tears?" he guessed with a smile.

"Yes," I choked out. I couldn't stop myself from hugging him tightly. I kissed up his jaw until I found his lips.

It started raining, pouring actually. But Edward just kept kissing me like there he didn't notice. But I did. I started shivering and he pulled me closer to him. He pulled both of us up and we dashed through the trees to the car. I stumbled along the way but he was always there to make sure that I didn't fall down. We reached his car and jumped in.

I was shivering and my teeth were chattering like crazy by the time the doors were shut. Edward turned on the car and put the heat on.

"Sorry," I heard him say. "I didn't think it was going to pour like that," he said.

"It's o-okay. Bes-st date e-ever," I got out. He chuckled and pulled me to him. I was warming up slowly as he held me. I smiled as my face pressed into his shirt. It was the best date ever. I sighed and breathed in deeply. Damn, he smelled so fucking good. Edward reached over to turn the heat on higher now that the air was warm. I pulled away from him and put my hands over the vent.

"Trading me for heat? I see how it is," Edward teased me.

"I wouldn't trade you for anything," I told him and he smiled and his faced turned pink. Have I mentioned that he was fucking adorable? He started the car and we left the beach. I kind of wished that we had spent more time down there. I wondered if he would ever take me there again.

As I sat in the car I felt like I was on cloud nine, or high or something. I had just had the best date of my entire life and now I got to spend the night with Edward. Things couldn't have been better. Then I realized that I forgot to bring clothes with me. Oh, well Edward probably wouldn't mind if I borrow some clothes to wear. We could go get more tomorrow. No worries. I glanced over to see Edward looking at me. We both smiled and I could feel myself blushing.

We drove home and it was silent except from the occasional chuckle from us when we caught the other staring. It was just fucking unbelievable. Could he be feeling this great too? I mean, I was so happy that I felt like my heart would burst. It was a very good feeling. I was so ecstatic about everything that I barely noticed that my clothes were soaked and uncomfortable.

We got to his house and he parked the car. I thought that we were just going to go inside but Edward was just sitting there.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. What could possibly put that frown on his face?

"It's warm in here and I don't want to go out there," he muttered. His bottom lip jutted out.

Fuck, that was just too adorable. I bit my lip to stop myself from launching across the seat over to him.

"Awww, poor wittle Edward is gonna get wet," I teased him and he pouted even more. "The sooner we get in the sooner we can have dry clothes," I reasoned with him. He leaned in like he was about to kiss me. His lips were barely brushing mine.

"Beat you to the house," he called and jumped out the door. What the fuck? That wasn't fucking fair. I scampered out of the car after him even though I knew that he was going to be at the door first. But once I could see the porch I could see him waiting for me. Why wouldn't he just go inside? It was fucking cold as hell out there.

As soon as I reached the porch he wrapped me in his arms and pulled us inside. I was shivering like crazy and I burrowed myself in him. Fuck, so cold. I don't know how long we stood in the middle of the entryway. He started to pull away and I heard myself whimper. I was still shivering and he was so damn warm.

"Let's get you in something dry," he said. How the fuck could he not be shivering right now? I nodded and he led us upstairs. He didn't ask if I had clothes or anything he just gave me some of his to wear. "I'm s-" he started to apologize. I cut him off before he could say anything more.

"Don't you d-dare s-say t-that. Ok-okay?" I stuttered out like a fool. He just nodded and gave me a small smile. I went into his bathroom and put on the clothes he gave me. I loved wearing his clothes because they smelt just like him. I sighed and I felt myself begin to warm up. Even though I was still cold in places, it was bearable. I was eager to get back to him so I hurried up and finished.

I brought my wet clothes out.

"Umm" I started to say. He was sitting on his bed already changed.

"Just throw them with mine," he pointed to the basket with his wet clothes. After I did that I crawled over to him on the bed and curled up into his side. I pressed my ear against his chest so that way it would get warm. "You're so cute," he said chuckling. I sighed and settled even closer to him. He ran his hands through the back of my hair just like I liked it. I basically purred against him. But then his hands started moving to my neck. It felt fucking good but it was turning me on. I didn't want to ruin the rest of this night just because I couldn't keep my hormones in check. But I wanted him to touch me….I craved it actually. I pulled away from him before I could embarrass myself.

"Jasper?" I heard him question. I looked into his green eyes. "Oh fuck," I heard him mutter. My eyes must've shown how much I wanted him…how much I needed him. "Your neck, huh?" he asked quietly. I noticed that his green eyes were much darker than they just were. I nodded and I felt my face warming. He reached out and his fingers brushed my reddened cheek. "I love how that fucking turns you on. You're so goddamn sexy," I heard him say before his lips crashed against mine. His tongue immediately felt its way inside my mouth and I moaned against him. His hands moved through my hair again and lingered on my neck. Was he trying to drive me crazy? I moved so that way we were both lying on our sides. It was much easier to kiss him this way without being curled into him.

He kissed me even more and his hands drifted over my chest and arms. I felt myself arching towards him just so I could feel more. Suddenly I felt myself being pulled on top of him. I could feel just how hard he was underneath his flimsy pajama pants.

"Is this okay?" he stopped to ask in my ear. I just moaned and rocked my hips against him. His mouth latched onto my neck and I heard some unmentionable sound make its way out of my mouth. I felt him sucking harder on my neck and his hips shifted against mine. But then I felt something else take over my body. It controlled all of me.

I felt my hands reach for his pajama pants. The desire to touch him, to feel him, was unbelievable. I didn't know if I could stop it.

"Edward, wait," I said breathlessly. I pulled away from him so that way I could see him. His green eyes were darkened and his lips were swollen from our kisses. He looked so fucking sexy…..focus Jasper. "I uhhh….I want to touch you," I heard myself whisper. My face when up in flames.

"You are touching me, Jasper," he told me. His face was confused. I placed my hand over the bulge in his pajamas. His eyes widened. "I want to touch you here," I told him.

"You mean like jerking me off?" he asked. His trademark smirk was back on his face. I felt like an idiot for even asking in the first place. I lowered my gaze from his. He pulled my chin back up so he could look at me. His green eyes were warm. "You don't have to be embarrassed. It was super cute that you asked me," he stopped to run his fingers down my cheek. "Can I touch you too, Jasper?" he asked quietly. He looked….vulnerable. Like he didn't know I was going to say yes. I nodded and he kissed me. It took my fucking breath away. He flipped us so that way he was on top of me.

The weight of him pressing into me was enjoyable. But I needed to be closer to him. If that was even possible. My arms wrapped around his neck and I secured him to me. He kissed me until I couldn't fucking breathe and then he pulled away. I pulled off his t-shirt and I felt him tense up. I glanced up to meet his guarded eyes. I asked him with my eyes if it was okay. "You're so beautiful, Edward," I murmured to him. He seemed to relax at my words. My fingers traveled their way down to the waistband of Edward's pajama pants. Fuck. Was I really about to do this? I didn't know how to touch a guy.

"You don't have to, Jasper," Edward whispered above me. My eyes darted to his and my mind was made up instantly. His green eyes were so filled with want and desire that made me want to make him feel good. I pushed the fabric down his thighs. My eyes were instantly focused on that one hard piece of his anatomy. It looked much longer than mine but maybe that was because there was hardly any hair down there. Damn..my boyfriend knew how to do some manscaping. Get a fucking hold on yourself Jasper.

I glanced up to meet his smirk and I felt my face heat. I reached out and wrapped my hand around his cock. He hissed. I took that as a good sign and moved my hand up and down it. It was silky soft except the ridges where his veins stood out. But my hand was getting stuck on his skin so I brought my palm up to my mouth and licked it. Edward's eyes grew even darker and he growled at me. I returned to stroking him and this time it was much easier. His hips bucked into my hand.

"Need to fucking touch you…goddamn," he moaned. He lifted my shirt over my head and attacked my neck. I tried to fucking concentrate on what I was doing but it was really hard because of the things that Edward was doing to me. He was moaning in my ear as he lavished my neck and I felt like I was going to explode without him even touching me. But then he did.

He pulled the pajama pants with one hand and grabbed my cock with the other. I moaned. Really loudly.

"Jasper," he moaned and my hand sped up. I guess I was doing this right. I mean it was almost like jerking myself off but I was doing it to another guy. So I decided to try what I liked. I ran my thumb just under the head and over the slit. "Oh fuck," Edward growled and did the same to me.

"Please Edward," I didn't even know what I was begging for. This felt so damn good. I was torn by my need to cum and my need to make this last. That's when his hand stopped. I grunted and opened my eyes to look at him.

He looked fucking sexy as hell above me. I almost moaned at the sight of him.

"Edward?" I asked. Why had he stopped?

"Jasper, I want you to mark me like I did you. I want to know what it feels like." This time he was the timid one and I smirked. Fucking right I was going to mark him. My hand started moving along his cock and he was moaning again. His hands found the back of my hair and he angled his neck. He was so fucking sexy.

I started by leaving soft kisses on his neck before diving right in. I was a little distracted by his hand moving over me. Did I mention it felt so damn good? But then I remembered that he wanted me to mark him. I started sucking on his neck in earnest. He fucking growled and I sped up my hand. I wanted to see him lose control. I was going to be the one to do it.

I bit down on him lightly and he let out the loudest moan ever. I felt my stomach being coated with something warm. The realization finally hit me that I had just made him cum. "Jasper," he moaned loudly. That's all it took for me to fall off the edge. I moaned his name and he continued to pump me lightly. I was bound to go delirious with all the pleasure I was feeling.

Edward collapsed on top of me and I held on to him. I could feel him still breathing heavily. It took us awhile to calm down. Then I felt him chuckling.

"What's so funny?" I asked him. He just shook his head. I pouted.

"I'm going to run out of laundry if we keep doing this," he pointed out. So there was going to be a next time too? My body trembled in anticipation. Edward must've felt it too. "You weren't satisfied, Jasper?" he teased me.

"No, you're very skilled at jerking me off," I teased him back and ruffled his hair. He pulled himself up so that way he could look at me.

"Really?" he asked.

"Well, yeah," I gestured to the cum all over me. He just smiled softly.

"It was okay for my first time, I guess. One day I'm going to make you cum in less than a minute." I gaped at him as he left the bed with a wink. Damn. Just thinking about that made my dick twitch. He left the room and I laid back and just relaxed. My entire being just felt so…good. I must've drifted off in that short time that Edward was gone because I was brought back to consciousness by the feeling of a warm rag on my stomach.

Edward was wiping the cum off of me. He was so tender and careful with me that it made me want to cry. Not now, Jasper. He smiled softly at me.

"I'll get you some other pants to wear," he murmured softly. I sighed. He came back with another pair and I slid them on but I left my shirt off. I was still kind of warm from….everything. My cheeks heated up just thinking about it. I hated that I blushed so easily. It was like a curse.

Edward slid in next to me and I curled up against his side. He was so warm and comfortable. I was so happy in his arms.

"You like cuddling don't you?" Edward asked with an amused voice. I nodded against him.

"I love being in your arms. You make me feel safe," I whispered into his chest. He pulled my chin up to kiss me. It was soft and sweet and it was almost too much for me. He held me tighter to him and pulled the blanket up over my shoulders. The warmth was like a cocoon around me. I was asleep in no time as I listened to Edward's breathing and his heartbeat.

In the morning I was surprised that Edward was missing from the bed. It kind of hurt that I couldn't wake up wrapped in his arms. So where the hell was he then? I got out of bed to go look for him. He wasn't in the bathroom so there was only one other place that I could think of. I walked downstairs to the kitchen. I could smell the food before I saw it.

He was in the kitchen cooking with his back to me. He was still shirtless and he was dancing. A radio was on and Edward was shaking his hips in time to the rhythm. That's when my morning wood finally came to mind.

He turned around and was startled when he saw me.

"Jasper!" he exclaimed. But there was a touch of sadness in his eyes that worried me.

"Good morning," I said quietly. My voice was still rough from sleep.

"What are you doing up already?" he asked.

"I woke up and you weren't there…." I trailed off. His eyes darted to the food that was on the stove.

"I wanted to surprise you with breakfast," he mumbled. That's why he was disappointed? I felt bad for going to look for him. He was so unbelievably sweet.

"I'm-" I started to apologize but he cut me off.

"It's okay, Jasper," he smiled as he finished cooking whatever was in the pan. It smelled like fried eggs or something. I walked over to that side of the kitchen and wrapped my arms around him.

"You're the best boyfriend ever," I said as I kissed him lightly. I could feel him smiling widely against my lips.

"Thank you," he laughed. "Breakfast is ready," he said as he scraped the eggs onto two plates. That's when I noticed that he also made toast and hashbrowns. My stomach growled as we sat at the bar across from each other. I dug into my food like there was no tomorrow. It tasted so damn good that moans were escaping me between every bite. It was that good….

"Can you stop moaning like that?" Edward snapped. My eyes darted to his. They were dark with desire. Oh shit, I was turning him on. I smirked at him and shoveled another mouthful of food into my mouth with an accompanied moan. He growled.

"It's payback for your teasing at school," I said. He pouted and I laughed at him. I picked up my plate and sauntered over to the counter. I but my lip to hold in a chuckle as I heard his chair scraping against the floor as he got up. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist. He softly kissed my neck but it didn't feel like he was teasing. I turned to face him and there was a frown on his face.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I asked him. His green eyes searched mine and I wondered what he was looking for. He reached up to brush some hair away from my face.

"You know that I just don't want you for your body right?" I nodded. He seemed like he needed to say more so I waited. "I just feel like…..I want you all the time, Jasper. And I don't know how to control myself around you anymore. You mean a lot more to me than that, Jasper."

I kissed him chastely on the lips before I answered. "I know that, Edward. I feel the same way, actually," I reassured him.

"So I can touch you again?" he asked quietly. I felt a little anxious at his words. I think I needed a day or two to process that I had jerked a boy off. Not any boy…my boyfriend. I nodded. "Like now?" he asked with a seductive look in his eyes.

"Edward, I'm a little freaked out by everything right now," I told him truthfully. His eyes darted down. "I do want to touch you again. Very soon, actually. But I think that we should take some time to process everything for now. Even though you are very hard to resist touching…." I trailed off and he smirked.

"I was actually a little freaked out too," he admitted with a blush. "Jerking off…my boyfriend for the first time," he mused with a smile. "But I didn't feel weird doing it to a guy- to you. It felt normal. And really good," he laughed and I couldn't help smiling. Duh, it felt good. No, it felt fucking amazing. I couldn't help thinking that it was too weird to be talking about this in the middle of the kitchen.

"Where's your parents?" I asked.

"They went out on one of their weekend visits to my grandparents in Forks. They won't be back until tomorrow night." Oh, thank god that they weren't there last night. We were kind of loud. I nodded and tried not to think about the night before. What would he think if I told him that I was freaked out just to get turned on again and attack him? I just smiled and he hugged me. It felt good just to be held by him. I felt so safe and warm and happy. I sighed and he tightened his arms around me. I tucked my head into his neck and breathed him in. That's when I noticed the mark I had given him.

"Did it hurt?" I asked him.  
"Did what hurt?" he mumbled into my shoulder. I poked the bruise with my finger and he jolted away from me. His eyes were surprised. I laughed.

"Oh, that. No, not when you gave it to me," his cheeks flushed pink and I knew exactly what he was thinking about. "It felt good, but maybe not like how it feels to you." I nodded. I think that getting turned on by my neck was almost borderline fetish. He took my hand and we walked back upstairs. We laid back down on his bed without getting inside the covers. "So you still wanna go to Tyler's party?" he asked me. What the hell? I thought that all of that had already been decided.

"Did you not want to go?" I asked him.

"I only want to go if you do," was his answer. I mock-glared at him. He wasn't helping. I didn't want him to have to go just because I wanted to. "Besides maybe I'll get to see how you act drunk." I was mad in an instant.

"I've never gotten drunk and I don't fucking plan to tonight! And if that's all that you're going there for then I don't want to be part of it," I was serious about this. I wanted to call him names for being so stupid!

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I was only kidding."

"I'm not laughing," I growled. I looked away from him. He moved so he was sitting cross-legged by me.

"Jasper, I wasn't going to get drunk there. I didn't want to be another person to let you down like that. I don't want to be like all the others in your life. Do you think I would honestly doing that knowing what you've gone through?" I sighed and shook my head. Maybe I overreacted just a little bit. "I'm really sorry. It was stupid to even joke about," he muttered as he glanced at me. His eyes were wary.

"I'm sorry I yelled," I whispered. I kissed him and he ran his hands through my hair. I really loved when he did that. It made me so calm.

"Well I suppose I should take a shower," he mused and I smirked at him. "Wanna join me?" he raised his eyebrows. I bit my lip. I didn't know if I was ready for that especially since the chances of me attacking him were very high. "No funny business. I just want to wash your hair." I glanced up at him and he had a wary look on his face. He was too darn sweet…..

I agreed and we hopped in his enormous shower. I swear that ten other people could have been in there with us. Edward didn't try any funny business and I was grateful. It was a little uncomfortable at first standing in there naked with him. I couldn't help looking at _that_ part of him again. So it was a bit awkward until he started washing himself. I relaxed.

I helped him scrub his back and he did the same to mine. It was like being worshipped when he touched me like that. But it was a different story when he washed my hair. I knew that he wasn't trying to turn me on he was just merely washing me hair. But I was turned on in an instant. Feeling his fingers weave through my hair and occasionally touching my neck was driving me fucking crazy. Edward noticed when he was done.

He stared at me like I was doing to him. Seeing me so hard was making him hard. It was almost unbearable to stand in there any longer. But I felt myself wondering why I didn't feel weird looking at him and his cock. I didn't feel weird though. He just turned away from me and finished washing. He gave me a kiss before he jumped out. What the hell? He was going to leave just like that?

I was left standing there impossibly turned on and wanting him like fucking crazy. That left only one thing to do. I grabbed the soap and began working over myself. It felt so good at this attempt to get myself off, even if it was only my hand. I thought back to the night before and the way he moaned over me as I touched him. I was panting in an instant just thinking about it. I knew that I would be falling over the edge in a very short amount of time.

As I kept going my grunts and moans began getting louder. I tried to hold them in but they kept slipping out. I was so close…so fucking close.

"Edward," I moaned loudly as I came all over my hand and the shower wall. So good…so fucking good.

"Jasper? What's wrong?" the door opened and I heard Edward's worried voice. Oh fuck. He ripped away the curtain to see me standing there. There was no hiding what I had just done. My cum was all over and my hand was still wrapped around myself. My face was red with embarrassment and I couldn't meet his eyes. "S-sorry. I just thought t-that. Nevermind," he walked out of the bathroom with a face that was almost as red as mine.

Great. I had just gotten caught jerking off in his shower. This was just fucking perfect. I hurried up and finished washing and removed all signs of my activities in the shower. My face was red the entire time.

I was so fucking stupid sometimes. Who the hell jerks off in their boyfriend's shower? Ughh….I couldn't believe what I had done.

I walked out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around me and a blush still on my face. Edward was finishing getting dressed. I noticed that there were clothes laying out on the bed for me. He was so fucking sweet. That made me feel even creepier about what I had done in the shower. I pulled on the clothes and tried to make the permanent blush on my face go away.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him. He turned around and laughed. What the hell?

"No. There's nothing wrong with you jerking off and moaning my name. I do it all the time. I just thought that you were hurt or something," he walked over and gave me a brief kiss. "I was a fucking idiot for running in there like that." I kissed him and I could feel him smiling against my lips. I felt a little better at his words but I knew that I probably wasn't ever going to do that again unless I was completely alone. It was way too fucking embarrassing. I pulled away first but I wanted to see what he was wearing. He was wearing green. "I love when you where green. It makes your eyes look pretty," I blurted out. He blushed a little and smiled.

"My eyes are pretty only when I wear green?" he teased me.

"I like your eyes all the time," I said quietly. His eyes grew impossibly warm. Not with desire…but with some other emotion. He grabbed my hand in his and he entwined our fingers together.

"So what do you want to do today?" he asked me. I shrugged and told him whatever he wanted to do. We ended up playing video games. He just had to pick racing which I absolutely sucked at. I would always turn too much and ram into the sides. He thought it was fucking hilarious which made me even more frustrated.

We gave up on that and settled on watching a movie. It was nice but I hardly paid any attention to it. Edward laid his head in my lap so I was preoccupied with running my fingers through his hair. And I watched him fall asleep so I didn't even watch the movie.

I was also built up with nerves and excitement for the party. Going to this party made me feel like I was a real teenager. But how was I supposed to act around everyone? I hardly talked at school and I didn't want to be pushed into some corner of the room. Edward wouldn't do that to me. I also wondered how Edward was going to act at the party. Of course I knew that we were just "friends" to everyone there so we couldn't hold hands or make out. I was just worried that he might act different in front of his friends. I doubted he was going to do that. I told Edward how I was feeling as we drove over to Tyler's house. He knew just what to say so I didn't doubt anything.

"You're my boyfriend, Jasper. To them it's just going to look like we're best friends. And we are but as long as we know that it's more than it's good. I'm not going to treat you any differently in front of them. It's only the physical part that we can't show, Jasper." He kissed me softly in the car before we reached the party and I felt my irrational fear go away. Things were going to be fine.

The party looked exactly like a scene from a movie except that I knew the people there. It was loud and crazy. Everything you would expect in a high school party. It was a little overwhelming. Edward placed a hand on my back and guided me through the crowd. Just having that small part of him touching me made me feel calmer. Tyler called us over where he was standing with Emmett and Mike talking to all of the other kids there.

"Hey guys!" he yelled over the music and talking.

"Hey man! What's up?" Edward said next to me. I was busy looking around the room. It seemed like it was mostly juniors and seniors there. I felt out of place when I didn't see any other sophomores around.

"Do you wanna beer, Edward?" I heard Mike ask.

"No thanks man. Got anything else?" I turned to look at him. I felt so fucking touched that he wasn't going to drink. Especially because I knew that it was because of me.

"Sure. We got punch," he snickered and went to go get Edward a cup. He just smiled at me and he seemed like he was okay with it.

"Hey, I wanna show you something," Tyler said to Edward and he drug him away. Edward turned to look at me with a panicked expression. I know he didn't want to leave my side. I smiled so he would know that it was okay. He nodded and followed the three of his friends. So I was left standing there by myself. Fucking perfect.

It was my fucking fault anyway. I knew that Edward would have stayed with me if I really wanted him too. So why did I regret it then? I stood looking around at the people dancing and laughing. I didn't even notice that _she_ was here until she was right in front of me.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked. She had a beer in her hand but she didn't look drunk. Yet. She didn't even let me answer the question. "How come you've been ignoring my calls?"

"You called me?" I asked stupidly. I hadn't checked my phone for almost two days.

"Yeah. I thought that we were okay?" her voice raised up in a question.

"Alice, you cheated on me! How the hell are we supposed to be okay?" I asked angrily.

"How many times do I have to apologize. I made a mistake Jazzy," she told me. She used the name that she had given me when we were dating. I used to love when she called me that. I just shook my head. "Back in the park…." She trailed off.

"That was a mistake too," I said. My hormones were going crazy that night. I was thinking of Edward anyway, but I couldn't fucking tell her that.

"I love you, Jasper. I just want to be with you," her eyes were swimming with tears. Not here. Please not fucking here.

"You don't cheat on someone you love," I told her. She shook her head.

"Please," she begged. I had never seen her act like this. It was kind of unnerving to see.

"Listen, can we not do this here? We can talk about this tomorrow okay? I promise." It was the least I could do. I was supposed to be enjoying myself not dealing with this.

"Thank you, Jazzy. You won't regret it." Why did I have a feeling I would though? She leaned closer to me and kissed me on the cheek. It didn't feel the same as it used to. I was looking across the room when I got a glimpse of Edward. And he was looking right at me and Alice. Oh fuck. Alice leaned away and left. Edward came back over carrying a cup of the punch he was drinking. His eyes were guarded.

"What was that all about?" he asked. He sounded funny.

"Nothing. She's just trying to get back together. I said no." I told him. I felt like I was lying to him not telling him that I was going to talk to her the next day. He just nodded but his eyes were still guarded. We went back over to his friends and I just watched the other kids as they talked.

This was fucking boring as hell. I didn't know any of these kids and I sure as hell wasn't going to get drunk. It seemed like that was all that they were doing. That's why I didn't notice how weird Edward was acting until Emmett pointed it out.

"What the hell Edward?" he asked. That got my attention. It looked like he was swaying….almost like he was drunk. "You're acting like you're smashed." Emmett glanced over at Mike who had a smug look on his face. "What the hell did you do?" he asked him.

"Nothing," Mike held his hands up in surrender. Emmett narrowed his eyes and Mike looked away.

"Jasper, he's fucking trashed," Emmett told me.

"Am not!" Edward yelled as he swayed to the music. He really was drunk. I couldn't believe this. Mike had something to do with it. I know he did.

"I'll drive you both to his house, okay?" he suggested. I nodded.

"What are we gonna do with his car?" I asked. Tyler offered to put it in his garage.

"C'mon, Edward," Emmett tugged at his sleeve and Edward followed. But his eyes stayed on me. They were unfocused like he wasn't really seeing me at all. It was the same way my mom looked at me when she was drunk. Or high even. I hated seeing that look on his face.

Getting Edward in the car was the easy part; it was getting him out that was hard. He had fallen asleep so we had to drag him out. He only made it to semi-consciousness as he stumbled to the house. He kept mumbling stuff. I picked up my name a few times and hoped that Emmett couldn't understand what he was saying.

No such luck. The closer we got to his room the louder Edward was getting. I prayed that he wouldn't say anything or out us to his friend.

We made it to his bedroom and Edward collapsed on his bed and I sighed in relief. This whole party seemed like a complete fucking joke. I was mad for even wanting to go. I made sure that Edward wasn't going to fall off his bed or something before I went out of the room with Emmett.

He was watching me with this intent look on his face. His blue eyes were almost piercing as he looked at me.

"Jasper," Edward moaned from the room. "Baby, I fucking need you," I heard him slur out. I closed my eyes tightly shut and pretended that I didn't just hear him say that. But he did. And Emmett heard it too.

"He's drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying," I tried to cover everything up. Emmett just stared at me. Not one word came from him. "Well thanks for the ride home and everything. I'm sure you'll hear from Edward tomorrow. He'll probably need a ride to get his car and-" I was babbling and Emmett cut me off.

"Jasper, I know about you and Edward."

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**Another cliffhanger imagine that! Since this is another evil cliffhanger and I do not want to leave you all hanging for two weeks I am posing a challenge...**

**IF I get more than 30 reviews for this chapter I will update a week from today instead of making you wait two weeks for the next chapter. I also will not leave the next chapter on a cliffhanger. **

**BUT, by next Saturday night there has to be at LEAST thirty reviews and there WILL be an update! **

**Of course, thank you to everyone who reviewed the lasat chapter and thank you for all of the alerts and adds. I appreciate it all! I cannot say enough how amazing you all are. And thank you tremendouosly to Xavier Willow who is amazing beyond such words :D**

**So tell me what you think and leave a review!**

**.Me**


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm back everyone! Now, I didn't exactly get 30 reviews but I figured since you are all so awesome that I would update anyway :D This chapter is especially for Xavier Willow who is more than I can ask for for a friend. Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:Twilight isn't mine but Jasper and Edward are.**

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My heart was beating a mile a minute. Oh my fucking god he knows. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I was sure I was going to pass out pretty soon. Oh fuck. Every part of me was panicking. There was no fucking way that this could end well.

"Jasper calm down," Emmett told me. How the fuck was I supposed to calm down? But I did. I tried to control my breathing and my heart. I finally got a fucking grip on myself and managed to choke out a question.

"How do you know?" I asked him. We couldn't possibly be that fucking obvious. We were careful. Very careful. Emmett sighed and leaned against the wall.

"Edward acts different with you. I've noticed that since you've been sitting with us. He's a little shyer with you than he is with us. And Edward is never shy. Then there was the last time he was drunk and hearing the things that he said. And then now…..it seems like you're way more than just friends," he stopped for a minute and I tried to keep myself from freaking out even more. "And also Mike was saying some shit about you and Edward fucking blew up in his face. Mike's a douche anyway but the way Edward acted….it was very protective. So you're really together?" he asked. Oh fuck. There really was no denying it was there. I nodded. Worry was taking over my entire body.

"So you're okay with…us?" I asked.

"Well yeah…..actually, and don't you dare tell anyone this, I think you two being together is fucking hot as hell," he smiled. What the hell? I felt myself smile a little bit. "And I won't tell anyone about you two. I promise." I felt some of the anxiety leave me and I sighed. He wasn't going to tell anyone. We were okay. I smiled a little bit to myself.

"Thank you," I told him.

"Please don't thank me," he shook his head. "But I'm here for the both of you. Whenever you need me." I really fucking wanted to hug him so badly at that moment. But then Edward started screaming again. Well it was more like moaning.

"Jasper, please! I fucking need you," he said loudly from the bedroom. Emmett smirked at me and I blushed.

"Maybe you should go help your boy out in there," he said suggestively and my face turned even redder.

"It's not like that…I mean we haven't even-" Emmett held up his hands to stop me.

"I get it okay," he laughed. "But you should be with him right now. I don't even know how he fucking got drunk in the first place."

"Mike fucking spiked it," I growled. I watched Emmett's frown and his eyes turned angry.

"You know what, I actually have something to take care of, Jasper. I'll lock the door on my way out," he walked passed me and smirked before he went downstairs. He was probably going to have some words with Mike. I fucking hoped he used his fists too. I walked back into Edward's room and closed the door. He was sprawled out on the bed and staring at me.

I walked over to him and started pulling off his shoes.

"Are you going to touch me again baby?" he asked. I felt myself harden at his words. No. We weren't going to do that while he was drunk. I wanted him to be fully conscious when I made him cum again.

"No, sweetie," I said softly and he pouted. He was clumsy and could hardly yank down his jeans so I helped him. My hand grazed the bulge in his boxers and he moaned. Fuck, he was so damn hard. I swallowed and pulled off his shirt. His green eyes were darkened when he focused back on me.

"Want you so fucking bad. Think about you all the damn time," he said as he palmed himself and bucked into my hand. He looked so fucking sexy that I almost gave in. Almost.

I took off my jeans and shirt while he watched. His eyes were focused on me despite how trashed he was. "So fucking sexy, baby," he moaned and his hand moved even faster. What was with him calling me baby? I kind of liked him calling me that. I kicked our pile of clothes into a corner and jumped into bed with him. He turned around so that way he was facing me. "You're so pretty, Jasper. I wish I could be good enough for you," he murmured. His words made me ache. I pulled him to me and he buried his head in my chest. Did he really think that he wasn't good enough for me because he was completely wrong? He was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He turned but he was still pressed closed to me.

He reached back and pulled my arm over him and so I scooted even closer to him. He murmured something unintelligible and relaxed. I held him as he drifted to sleep. Even though I was more than comfortable holding him in my arms, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about all of the disasters that had happened that night. Going to that party was a fucking joke. If that's all being a teenager meant then I didn't want any part of it. And seeing Edward drunk for the second time was way worse than the first. He didn't even want to get drunk and Mike had to go and spike his drink. It was all so fucking unbelievable. And then there was Emmett. But I was actually glad that he knew because then I could go and talk to him about Edward. It was kind of hard keeping everything locked in like I had.

Edward stirred in his sleep and I heard him whisper my name. I snuggled into his back and I heard him sigh. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to find me.

I was awake for a long time before Edward even moved. He groaned and I felt him stretch away from me. He rubbed his eyes and I knew he must have been having a bad headache.

"What the hell happened? Why do I feel hungover?" he asked. His voice was gruff. I didn't say anything. Suddenly the covers were being ripped off and he was running out of the room. I heard the bathroom door close before I could even ask what was wrong. I got up and walked across the room to the bathroom door. I could hear him getting sick in there.

"Edward?" I asked him. I tried to open the door but it was locked. Fuck. I wanted to help him so badly. But he wouldn't let me in, not even when I begged. I gave up and sat on his bed. He had to come out sometime and I would wait for as long as it took.

He came out a few minutes later. His face was red and he wouldn't even look at me. I thought that maybe he was just embraced but when I looked at him closer I saw tears. They were streaming endlessly down his cheeks even though he wasn't making a sound. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach when I saw him. It was like someone had just stuck a knife through my stomach. And I was just fucking sitting there watching him cry and fall apart in front of me. I was a fucking idiot.

"Edward, what's wrong?" my voice cracked and a desperate sob came from him. It was like he had no strength to hold himself up anymore. He slid to the floor and brought his knees up to his chest. I jumped off the bed and crawled up to him on the floor. He looked so broken that it was unbearable to see. I reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Edward looked up at me and I swear I could hear my own heart break. His eyes were swollen and tears were still coming out of them. "How can you even touch me? I'm a monster," I tried to tell him no but he just kept talking. "I'm just like everyone else that's hurt you. I'm even worse than they are because you fucking trusted me. I didn't want to fucking be like them, but I guess I am." I was speechless. How could he fucking blame himself so easily? All I wanted to do was tell him what really happened and that he could never be like them. But he cut me off first and asked the question that I never wanted to hear. "So are you breaking up with me now?" his voice was calm but his eyes were sad and devastated.

"No! Edward, you don't fucking understand," I was mad and I tried to get myself together. "Mike fucking spiked your punch, Edward. It wasn't your fault," I told him but he was staring into his lap. I jerked his chin up so that way he was looking at me. "You will never be like them. Ever. I don't want to hear you say anything like that again, okay?" I asked him. He nodded and another tear slipped out. I caught it with my thumb and he closed his eyes. "Something else happened last night too," I said. He was immediately tense again. "Emmett knows about us." His eyes were scared and they searched mine. "But he said he isn't going to tell anybody. And he thinks that we're hot together," I smirked at the end. Edward's lips lifted into a small smile.

"Really? He knows?" he asked. I nodded and he sighed. He still looked a little bit upset and I was going to do everything in my power to change that. I leaned closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. His knees lowered and I was able to move even closer. His arms wrapped tightly around me and I tucked my face into his neck. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry," he kept repeating in my ear. It was starting to annoy me.

"It wasn't your fault, Edward. What you did was actually really sweet," I whispered against him. I felt him sigh and relax his hold a bit on me. I held him and stroked his hair. I felt him calming down and I felt better. I never expected him to react this way. He tried so hard to be everything for me. I was falling for him. I was falling for him so hard.

I glanced at the clock. It was almost time for me to go and I felt myself sadden at the thought of leaving. I wanted to stay here with him. I wanted to hold him forever. But I had to go back home and there was no fucking escaping that.

"I have to go soon," I whispered against him.

"I know," he sighed and pulled away from me. He went and pulled out some clothes and went in his bathroom. I didn't want this perfect weekend to end. Well, almost perfect except for a few minor things. But the good weighed out the bad by far. Edward and I were boyfriends and he had taken me out on the best date of my entire life. Nothing could ever beat that. I smiled like an idiot just thinking about it.

But I couldn't possibly leave with Edward so upset. It wasn't right. Especially after everything he's done for me.

As soon as Edward came back into the room I went over and wrapped my arms around his neck. He seemed better after talking but I could still sense some wariness from him.

"So…I was wondering about something?" I raised my voice in a question but I smirked at him playfully. He smiled a little and blushed.

"And what was that?" he asked softly.

"Well since you took me on the best date of my entire life….." I trailed off to see him smile brightly. "I just wanted to know if it would be okay if I took you out sometime." I felt a little nervous asking him. I knew that he wasn't going to say anything bad though.

"You don't have to," he protested. Okay, this was seriously starting to get annoying.

"I fucking know that Edward. I want to. Please stop fucking doubting yourself. I want you Edward, believe me. We're in this together and we're going to make mistakes along the way. But don't keep blaming yourself for everything," I told him. His mouth dropped open in shock. But then his lips pulled up into a smile.

"Okay." I sighed. "So where are you taking me?" he asked. Oh crap….hadn't really thought that far yet.

"I'll let you know, okay," I suggested. He nodded and pulled me closer to him. His lips touched mine and I felt myself getting lost in him. I poured everything in that fucking kiss. I wanted him to feel better and know how much he really meant to me. But it was time to go….

The ride home was mostly silent. We were both reluctant to let this end.

"I'll call you tonight," Edward said after kissing me. We were sitting in the alley behind my house. I was making up every excuse I could think of so I wouldn't have to get out of his car. I smiled at him and told him I couldn't wait. I walked away from the car and I could feel him watching me. I couldn't turn around though and see the sadness that I knew would be in his eyes. But life was full of things that I didn't want to do.

I opened the door and no one was awake as usual. I walked passed the living room but there was someone sitting on the couch. It was the blonde man I had seen a few weeks ago, the one that caught me coming in the house.

"Caught you again," the blonde man smirked. It made me mad that he thought he was someone who could get me in trouble. It wasn't fucking happening.

"Shut the fuck up. This is my house and it isn't any of your business where I go. Tell my mom, I don't fucking care. She already knows I was gone." The blonde man just smirked and that made me furious.

"What?" I growled at him. Why the fuck was he smirking? This was my house and he didn't belong here.

"Nothing," he said and walked past me walking out the front door. I hated having these random people in my house. Why couldn't my mom or Peter just send them home? I sighed and walked to my room. They probably wouldn't be up until this evening. Maybe I could get some sleep since my mind was running in circles last night. I collapsed on my bed and closed my eyes.

Sleep didn't find me like I hoped it would. My dreams were all about Edward but most of them weren't good. I kept dreaming that he outed me at the party and called me a fag. It was awful. But I knew Edward would never do that. We were together. I smiled at the thought.

My stomach rumbled so I ambled out of my room to the kitchen.

"Food's in the oven, sweetie," my mom called from the living room. I glanced to see her and Peter watching T.V. It was so normal that it was almost scary. I opened the oven to see tacos. A smile burst out on my face remembering Edward's date. Edward….. I missed him so fucking much and it had only been a couple of hours. I was so fucking pathetic. He'll call tonight, I told myself. But I wanted to see him so badly. He was like an addiction to me.

I went out and sat in the living room.

"How was your sleepover, sweetie?" my mom asked. I groaned.

"It wasn't a sleepover," I protested. She smiled and she looked so much like she used to be that I almost cried. But I didn't. It was so fucking nice to be with my mom without her high or drunk. I felt like we were a family. I glanced over at Peter and he wasn't even drunk. I realized that I hadn't really talked to either of them since that fight at Wal-Mart. This was perfectly okay though. It was so nice and unexpected. I settled in to watch t.v feeling better than I had in a long time.

We had only gotten through half an hour of t.v when Demetri came into the house.

"Jasper, can I talk to you?" he asked. He was very upset and I was immediately worried. I nodded and got up from my seat on the couch. Before I followed Demetri I walked over to my mom and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around me and I felt like a little kid again.

"I love you, mom," I told her. I hadn't told her that in a long time. Hell, I hadn't seen her sober in a long time.

"I love you too, sweetie," she said as I pulled away. I could never hate my mom. The things she did I hated but I would always love her no matter what. I just wished I told her I loved her more often.

I followed Demetri to my room and closed the door. This must be serious. I sat on my bed as he paced my room.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. He shook his head but I knew that he was trying to find the words to tell me.

"Jane," I frowned. What was wrong with Jane? "She's scared about having the baby and she's pushing me away. I don't fucking know what to do. The more I try to be there for her the more angry she gets," he shook his head. "I want this baby, Jasper. I want this baby more than I have ever wanted anything."

I hated seeing him so distressed. He was supposed to be the strong one, not me. I didn't know how to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay but that was probably the biggest lie I could ever say.

"Maybe you should just give her some time," I suggested. That was all I really had for advice. I was sixteen and I wasn't having a kid so it was a little hard to really comprehend what he was going through. He nodded and sat on the bed with me.

"She doesn't think that we'll make it. Just me her and the baby. I know we can though." He said as he glared at the floor. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and he sighed. "I want to name it after you Jasper," he told me. He wanted to name it after me? That was…so unbelievable.

"Why the hell would you do that?" I asked.

"Because you always manage to be strong through everything," he sighed. If only he really knew how pathetic I really was. How I couldn't trust anyone. How I was possibly falling in love with a boy. How much that scared me.

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him about Edward, the date, everything. I needed to get it out and tell someone. I could trust him. I opened my mouth to pour everything out to him but there was a knock on the window.

I was instantly paralyzed with fear. The only one who had been coming through the window lately was Edward. I didn't want Demetri to meet him like this. Demetri raised his eyebrows at me. Fuck.

"Will you open the damn window already!" It wasn't Edward's voice. It was Alice's. I felt myself breathe in relief. Maybe I wasn't exactly ready to explain everything to Demetri.

"Jasper! I know you're in there!" Alice yelled from outside.

"Sneaking girls in through the window. I taught you well," Demetri smirked suddenly himself again.

"Shut up," I said as I let Alice in. I helped her in through the window. She was huffing and puffing by the time I had the window shut and she was standing in my room.

"Hi, Demetri," she said softly.

"Long time, no see," he told her. "Well, have fun kids. Behave," he wiggled his eyebrows as he left. Alice laughed a little and I glared at her. She was quiet in an instant. This was a serious non-laughing matter. I wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

"You know, I've been calling you right? You promised that you would talk to me," she complained. I felt my head throb. This wasn't going to be fun.

"You're here now so talk," I said gruffly. I went and sat on my bed again leaving Alice standing there. She started fidgeting nervously but I didn't feel bad for her.

"I'm really sorry, Jasper." I wanted to scoff. No matter how many times she told me that I wouldn't believe her. I felt myself getting angry. The words started spilling out of me instantly.

"You're sorry?" I spat. "Do you even know what you said to me that night?" I asked. No answer from her. "You told me that you couldn't take my brooding and that I was fucking fragile. Then you went and said that James was the better fuck? How the hell am I supposed to forgive you for that? I thought I fucking loved you Alice…and that's what you did to me." I was devastated and angry by the end of my rant. I just wanted her to leave me alone. No, I just wanted to forget about her altogether.

"I was drunk, Jazzy. I didn't know what I was saying. I hurt you and I'm so sorry. I love you Jasper and I made a big mistake and I want to fix it." Alice's brown eyes were full of tears and I could feel part of me giving in. But I fucking couldn't. I couldn't forgive someone for cheating on me. I mean, I possibly could but I was never going to be with that person again. She came closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to pull away from her but she was upset. I was looking over her shoulder when I saw him in the window.

Edward's face was devastating. I shook my head to tell him that it wasn't really what it looked like. He was gone in a couple of seconds and I felt my heart drop.

"Alice," I said softly pushing her away by her shoulders. "I don't think that we can be together again." She started crying again but I couldn't feel bad about it. My mind was on Edward and where he went.

"I'm sorry Jazzy. I'm still going to try. I'm going to prove you wrong. I promise," she sniffled and climbed back out of my window. Maybe Edward would come back after she left.

I waited and waited. A couple minutes passed and nothing happened. I wished I hadn't had promised her anything. She was always screwing things up. I sat back down and put my head in my hands. Everything was just so fucking complicated.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._ My heart fucking went ballistic when I saw Edward standing there. I threw open the window clumsy in my haste to let him in. Edward was fucking shivering like crazy. How long had he been standing out there?

As soon as he was inside the room I pulled him in close to me. He was shivering against me and I wrapped my arms tight around him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. He normally didn't just show up like this. I mean, I totally fucking loved it but it was unusual. I was also avoiding talking about what he had seen with Alice although I was going to tell him about that anyway. I wasn't about to keep anything from him.

"I missed you," he murmured into my neck. I felt my heart flip. Was he missing me as much as I was missing him?  
"I missed you too," I sighed. I was so fucking whipped. We stood there holding each other for who knows how long. His shivers stopped and he lightly kissed my ear before pulling away. I laced my fingers through his and we sat cross-legged on my bed. There was a noticeable tension in the air. I knew what was causing that tension too. "At the party I promised Alice that I would talk to her. I didn't know that she was going to show up here." His green eyes were almost emotionless. "She's still set on getting back together," I told him and I watched him grow even more tense. Did he really think that I wanted to get back together with her? After what she did to me? " I told her no. But she fucking insists on trying. Edward let out a sigh but he wasn't looking at me. I just let my words hang in the air.

"I can't say that I'm not jealous," he admitted.

"Why?" I snapped. Why the fuck would he be jealous? Especially of her. He just shrugged and didn't say anything. I let a breath go to steady myself. I didn't want to fight with him over something as stupid as this. "Don't be jealous, Edward. I'm with _you._ That means so much more than whatever the fuck she and I had," I told him. He lifted his eyes to look at me. It was like someone took a broom and swept all of the tension out the door. He smiled a little bit and I sat up on my knees to hug him. His head found it's way to my shoulder and I ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm so fucking stupid," he said into my shirt. He pulled away to look up at me. "It's just when I saw you with her it just hurt so fucking much."

"Sorry." I told him and he shook his head. I pulled away from him and leaned back against my pillows. He leaned against me with his head on my stomach. My fingers automatically went to his hair like they always did. It felt so good just to hold him. I had missed him so much…but that didn't seem to matter as he was here now.

We lay there and I stared at the ceiling. I was almost as content as I could possibly be. It was nice just to spend time with him like this.

"Do you ever notice the differences with me?" he asked as his fingers traced patterns on my stomach.

"What do you mean?"

"Like do you think it's weird dating a guy?" he asked me. I thought about it for a moment before I decided. It didn't feel weird to me. It felt like this was meant to be.

"No." It was the truth. I felt him sigh.

"Like sometimes I can't help thinking how it's so much different being with you than with a girl. You're so much stronger and less fragile than they are. You have fewer curves but you're so toned. And you don't have boobs," he laughed and I cracked a smile. "But you have this," he gently cupped my cock through my jeans and I felt myself harden. "I like how hard you get and how I'm the one to make you feel that way." I couldn't help but notice that he thought about the same things that I had. Of course I noticed those differences with him, it was fucking hard not to.

"I never thought I would be attracted to guy or even have a boyfriend," I admitted. Edward's fingers stopped tracing their mindless patterns on my stomach. I pulled his head up so I could look at him. His green eyes were so fucking bright that I could barely contain myself from kissing him. "I wouldn't change it for the fucking world," I told him. His lips pulled into the brightest smile before he kissed me. It was one of those soft kisses, not the wild passionate ones. He pulled away and moved so that way we were both leaning against the pillows.

He grabbed my hand and began tracing patterns on it just like he did with my stomach. It seemed like he just wanted to be touching me. It was perfectly okay with me. Even the littlest brush of his fingers against my palm sent shivers running through me. The way he fucking affected me…

But he fucking affected me emotionally too. Just thinking about that morning made me smile. The way he wanted to protect me; it was so sweet. I had never met someone who tried harder than he was to me. I was so lost in thought that I didn't know that Edward was talking to me until he pushed my shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me. I bit my lip. Should I fucking tell him? I didn't want to upset him. He stared at me as he waited for my answer.

"This morning," I admitted quietly. His eyes hardened just the tiniest bit and he gripped my hand.

"I didn't mean to act like that this morning. I was just so scared when I woke up and I didn't remember anything. I was scared of what I did, scared that I let you down. But I realized this afternoon that I'm going to fuck up no matter what. There's really no stopping it but I'm going to try," he told me. I felt so fucking touched by what he said that my eyes were watering.

"That's what a relationship. You're my boyfriend and we're in it together," I told him as I entwined my fingers with his. Edward's eyes were just as glossy as mine were. Then his lips lifted into a smirk.

"I really love when you call me your boyfriend." His smirk grew even wider as I felt my face flush. "And I really fucking love that blush too." Hips lips were on mine. He was being so soft and careful with me that it was almost too sweet. He pulled away abruptly with this worried look on his face.

"What?" I asked him as I rested my hand on his neck. I watched him bite his lip and all I wanted to do was fucking kiss him again.

"Can I spend the night here? I'll leave early so that way we won't get caught…" he said quickly and bit his lip again. I nodded furiously and pressed my lips against his. I could feel him smile against me and I felt like I was flying. Everything always felt so good with him.

We went to bed soon after that. Edward stripped to his boxers and I put on a pair of pajama pants. I turned off the light and we crawled into bed. Edward spooned me and I felt so little and comfortable against him. He wrapped an arm around me and snuggled into my back. I was so overcome with emotion that the words just came out.

"You make me feel so protected, so cared for. You're such a good boyfriend," I murmured softly. He kissed the side of my neck. It didn't feel like he was trying to turn me on even though he knew that kissing my neck would do that in an instant. No, it felt like something else. I turned around so I could face him. His green eyes were glassy like he was trying to hold back tears. I kissed him softly and let my lips linger on his.

"Thank you," his words broke and I kissed him again before turning back around. I leaned back against him and he held me tightly. I really liked being the little spoon. I was so warm, so comfortable. I felt so good.

When I woke in the morning Edward was gone of course. I felt a little disappointed that he had to leave. My arm found it's way to where he was lying last night. There was a piece of paper folded on the bed.

**See you at school. Your boyfriend, Edward.**

There was even a little heart by his name. It was all crooked and not at all like the hearts girls would make. I think that I laughed for like ten minutes looking at it. It was just so fucking Edward. I was still smiling and laughing to myself as I rode to school on the bus.

Some kid gave me a weird look across the aisle but I just smiled wider and looked out the window. I was too fucking happy to care what other people thought right then.

I practically ran off the bus and into the school in my haste to see Edward. I found him waiting for me by my locker. I smiled brightly and I felt my stomach fill with butterflies as he returned my smile. I was such a fucking girl. I put my coat in my locker and grabbed the books that I needed. Edward was looking so fucking hot leaning there against the lockers that I had to stop myself from kissing him. I was almost ready to pull him into the bathroom when Emmett walked past us.

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and I watched Edward's face turn three shades darker. I burst out laughing and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Oh, c'mon," I teased him. He just pouted some more. Then he smiled at me softy.

"I gotta go, baby," I told him.

"Baby?" he teased.

"Yeah, you kept calling me that Saturday night," I told him. His face darkened and not with a blush this time. That was not the right thing to say. "Forget I even said anything okay?" I asked him. I didn't want to dwell on Saturday anymore. It was over and there was no changing it. He nodded.

"I'll see you at lunch." He sighed as he walked away. He was never going to forgive himself for what happened. Even though it wasn't even his fault. Fucking Mike….Mike. I wondered if Emmett did something. I sure in the hell hoped he did. But that made me think about seeing all of them at lunch and what would fucking happen. It was bound to happen anyway.

First hour was fine. Everyone was still tired so it was pretty boring. Second hour was a different story. Mr. Molina was giving us English projects to do. We had to pick a famous author and write about them and also criticize one of their major works. Then we had to do a presentation the following Monday. And even worse than doing the project was that we had to do it with partners. Partners _he _was picking.

I normally didn't like partners to begin with. I didn't really talk to many people in the class so it was always awkward being paired up with someone. I liked to do things myself.

I was thinking about that when Mr. Molina called my name. "Jasper you're with Jacob." He called. Jacob was my partner for the project? Maybe this wouldn't totally suck. Jacob seemed nice, maybe even a little shy. He made his way over to my desk and sat down in the desk next to me.

"Hi, Jasper," he said quietly.

"Hey," I smiled at him. Maybe he was a little too shy. "So do you have any ideas about who we should do the project on?" I asked him.

"No. You?" he asked. I shook my head. I loved to read but I hadn't had time to read any good books recently.

"Hmmm…" Jacob tapped his pen against his lips as he thought. It distracted me from my thinking as I stared at his lips. They were so full and pink. What the hell? I wasn't supposed to be thinking about him like that! He was straight and I had a boyfriend for fuck's sake. "I know!" he said loudly.

"What?" I asked him. Anything he thought of would probably be good enough.

"That one Twilight book that everyone's been going nuts about!" he smiled wildly.

"I haven't read that one," I admitted. His face fell and he bit his lip. "We can still do it though. Who's the author?" I asked him. He looked at me hesitantly.

"Stephenie Meyer." I nodded. I'd heard of her before.

"So we only have a week to do this. Do you want to meet after school?" I asked him.

"Yeah. We're going to have a lot to do. After school sounds great. Do you want to start today?" he asked. His brown eyes studied the desktop.

"Sure," I told him and he smiled again. It was so fucking easy to please Jacob.

"Is my house okay?" he asked. I nodded. "We can just walk there. It isn't too far." I nodded again. My mom wouldn't mind and I would explain when I got home. If she wasn't drunk. The bell rang and second hour was over.

I crammed my stuff in my bag as fast as possible. I didn't want to waste any of the thirty minutes that Edward and I had together. I made my way downstairs in record time.

I heard the shouts before I even reached the cafeteria.

"What the hell were you fucking thinking?" Edward yelled at Mike. As I walked closer I could see that Mike's face was fucking bruised. Good, that bastard deserved it.

"Why are you being such a pussy? Since when do you not drink at parties?" Mike countered.

"It's none of your goddamn business if I choose to drink!" Edward spat. Mike smirked and I saw Edward make a lunge at him. Emmett held him back though. Tyler was standing behind Mike making sure that he wasn't going anywhere either. I walked up to Edward.

"Let's just get out of here, okay?" I asked him. His angry eyes were fixed on me until he cooled down. Emmett released him and we walked away.

"Walk away, pussy. Walk away!" Mike shouted after us.

"Just ignore them," I told Edward and he nodded. We walked out of the building and no one stopped us. We walked to his car and got in.

I let Edward take a few minutes to breathe so that way he could calm down. He didn't say anything as he started the car and starting driving.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked. I shrugged. Whatever was good with him was good with me. He pulled up to a Taco Bell and I fucking snorted.

We both ordered some food and sat down at a table.

"I'm sorry for what happened back there. I was just so fucking pissed off," he said. He was much calmer now and I was happy.

"It's okay," I said. He smiled and he reached for my hand over the table. Immediately both of our eyes searched the restaurant looking for anyone we knew. No one. I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed fully.

"So do you want to just skip the rest of the day?" he asked me. I really fucking wanted to do just that. It would be so much better than going back to school.

"I can't," I sighed.

"Why?" he frowned.

"I have to meet Jacob so we can start on our project. It's due next week and we have a ton of work to do."

"That sucks," his eyes dropped." I probably won't get to see you much will I?" he asked.

"You could always come over at night. I mean only if you want to." Why was I so fucking nervous asking him to stay the night? He was my fucking boyfriend and I could ask him to stay the night. Couldn't I?

"You really like when I come over?" his green eyes smiled. I nodded. "Me too. I actually sleep a lot better with you," he admitted. I smiled and looked away. If only he knew how much I slept better with him. I finished eating my food while I snuck glances at him. I tried not to groan as I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "I guess I should get you back huh?" he smiled sadly. I nodded. He grabbed my hand as we left and got back in the car.

We were late getting back to school. We had to practically run to get to class on time. I didn't even get to kiss him. I wanted to so badly. It would have to wait. Sixth hour came when I got to see him again but we couldn't even talk there. The teacher kept going on and on with his lecture. I kept glancing over at Edward to see his eyes on me. Just having his eyes on me was a thrill especially in a room full of our classmates. But I really wanted to spend more time together and that was almost an impossibility now.

The bell rang signaling the end of school.

"I'll call you tonight," he promised. I really wanted to fucking kiss him but I couldn't. I knew he wanted to so the same. His eyes kept darting to my lips before he went out the door. I sighed.

Jacob was waiting for me outside and we walked to his house. He seemed to get even more shy when we were alone. I tried to make conversation with him but he was being too quiet. We ended up doing research on our author, getting her background information and such. It was so fucking awkward and tense that it was hard to concentrate on what I was reading.

It went on for around two hours before I said I had to head home. His mom gave me a ride while she asked me questions. She told me that Jacob was super shy and it was hard for him to talk to people. She suggested that I give him some time to get used to me. It made sense, I guess. But we needed to get the project done and we couldn't exactly do that if he couldn't talk to me.

So I went home frustrated and tired. I had to explain to my mom where I was and where I would be the rest of the week. She was too drunk to even understand the words I was saying. I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was take a shower and sleep. And talk to Edward.

After I was clean I jumped in bed. Edward called before I could fall asleep. I could barely hold a conversation with him because I was so out of it.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired," I told him.

"It's okay, Jasper." I wanted to tell him that I wished he were there. I wanted him to spoon me and run his hands through my hair so I could fall asleep. I just wanted to be with him. "Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow," he said quietly. We said our goodnights and I was out in no time.

* * *

**No cliffhanger! Yay! Well since I updated today the next update might not be for three weeks :( So that way I'll be back to updating TLOT and WTR everyother weekends. But we will see...I just might post early. You never know :D**

**SO let me know what you think and leave a review :D**

**.Me**


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